Maybe I was doomed to be confused about my gender anyway. Or maybe the trauma I had suffered created it. The fact is, I don't know which. I managed to bury the abuse so well, I effectively forgot, except in my nightmares. But by the time I started noticing that the girls were developing, I knew I was different from other kids. I felt totally disconnected from the boys and felt empathy for the girls. I started cross dressing whenever I could. I developed all sorts of rituals to force a gender change. But somehow I kept this hidden for everyone around me. I developed a mask that would pass for a normal guy, if a rather quiet and shy one. I am not sure how long things would have continued like this. I became self-destructive. Then I met a girl, fell in love, and thought I found a solution to my gender issues. Needless to say, it totally backfired. But somehow, despite my difficulties with my male parts, I somehow managed to father a child. Unfortunately, a few years after she was born, the marriage collapsed, and I went looking for answers as to why I did the things I did. And then I found them.