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Thank you all so much for your kind words last night. They truly helped me through a crisis in my life. I think it is sorted out for now, but I do not expect the road ahead to be much easier. Hubby and I have some really major issues to work out and I can only hope that they work out in a way that I like and that he likes as well.
We argued for almost 18 hours last night, but we wound up sleeping in each others arms.
A large part of that is due to you folks here, and for that you have my eternal gratitude.
Thanks.
Comments
An Awwwww Moment
I like the image of you and your hubby sleeping in each other's arms. It sounds cute. :)
Has your hubby seen your blog and all the comments here? I'm betting not, but I wonder what he'd make of them.
Don't give up on love, and good luck.
- Terry
There have only been a few nights...
There have only been a few nights in 20 years where we have not slept in each others arms. If I weren't so in love with him, this whole thing would be much easier.
He hasn't seen my blog(only because he refuses to use a computer), it was not needed since we argued about everything I put down in my blog. After nearly 30 hours of arguing and trying to find a solution. He agreed not to throw me away if i would agree to present as male mostly. That of course didn't fly(being the root of the problem) and resulted in another 20 hours of fighting.
In the end, everything is still up in the air. I know only one thing for sure, and that is that I will be able to hug up to my hubby and at the worst, cry myself to sleep with his arm wrapped around me.
That simple thing means more than anything to me.
When he threatened to throw me away, it shattered my world. I felt as though I was cast adrift and being sucked down into a whirlpool of doom. The simple truth is, I can't sleep unless I am wrapped in his arms. I am going right now to indulge in that, the greatest pleasure of my life.
I can deal with almost anything as long as he is there to hold me at night.
In Defense of Hubby
Having no expertise whatsoever leaves me free to toss out some half-baked ideas.
Your desires probably scare the heck out of your mate.
It's very possible they challenge his very self-iamge. If you can "change" genders, then is his masculinity secure?
He's probably asking himself how he fits into your future? Your gender obviously is important to him and he is making it a high priority. Have you thought through where he will be in your life?
He might even be thinking your female presentation is a way for you to atract a new mate.
I'm not saying these are valid concerns, just common ones. You might want to read, with your husband, some non-fiction TG novels.
She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders or She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband are two that would get you started toward an understanding of some of the issues on both sides.
Good luck.
One other word of advice. Your hubby must feel horribly pressured. You have needs and are entitled to pursue your bliss. He needs to understand that, but it isn't necessarily fair to establish a strict timetable for him to come around.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Those are Valid points
Angela what you call half baked I call Valid. We don't know what others will think unless we ask them. Granted sometimes we can skirt the issue (no pun intended) but other times it is unavoidable. There are times where our choices and actions will have an effect on those around us, specially for those of us in transition. We have to remember that those around us also have feelings or we will risk hurting them or worse losing them over something we see as trivial where they see it as major.
Jayme Ann
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend
An outsiders view
often when we present our problems, its often because we need an outside view. Angela had you not wtorte those questions I was on the same line as I was reading the comments.
Isn't that often the case when one is unaccepting it may be a fear of their own being based on biases formed by peolple who influence our lives?
I would suggest that couples counseling for the two and perhaps some experimentation in presenting female to the husband.
If he fears others may be attracted to the wife, then he need to remember they've been together for twenty years and haven't strayed. She just wants to be his wife in appearance
is what I gather, to let her femininity flow.
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Sexual Preference
The sex we're attracted to isn't a negotiable thing. Although in genetic females, it's been known to change over time in some individuals, the best research done to date seems to indicate that it doesn't in males. If you're a straight, gay, or bi male today, that's highly predictive of you being exactly the same in a year, in five years, or on your deathbed. Apparently, it's hardcoded into the biology. If it wasn't, the "Straighten Up For Jesus" brainwashing camps would actually work. They don't.
A gay male is attracted to males. By definition. If the person they set up house with ceases to present as male, then it's very likely their sexual attraction to that person will wane. Quickly. They can remain friends, even companions, but neither person should be shocked to find that their sexual relationship ends up broken.
That said, the clever partner in a long-term relationship can certainly try to negotiate a mutually-compatible compromise. Permanent gender transition, though, in a sexual relationship built on the initial sexual affinities of both partners, is something of a landmine, and especially so when the person who has to accept the change is a male.