This memorial day, I'm not going to share a patriotic picture that people will look at for a few seconds and then forget, I'm going to share something deeply personal that I hope will stay with people for the rest of their lives.

I joined the Army while I was still in high school. I remember seeing the 9/11 attack and thinking, "I'm gonna fight that war." The thought of being sent to the box to fight and die never deterred me. Needless to say I was young, arrogant, and stupid. But despite my youthful inexperience, I was taken in by the members of Charlie Company 1/18 as a brother. I now had a new family. Brothers that I laughed with, got in trouble with, got drunk with, and even fought with. But we were brothers.

When we were sent to Tikrit, Iraq in 2004, we were ready. I forgot who said it, but one of the NCOs said "Our job is to drive around town trying to get shot at, then we go kill the mother fuckers." And that was our attitude. We knew what had to be done and were prepared to see it done at our own expense. Our Battalion Commander BG (Ret) Sinclair said, "We are here so that our families don't have to be." While we were all prepared for the possibility that we may have to pay the ultimate price, and some of us did.

I, like many others, suffer from PTSD. My issues stem from a form of survivor's guilt. I was dubbed the platoon's good luck charm. Nothing would happen when I was out on patrol, except for one time when we split our patrol into two sections and one of my brothers took a bullet to the leg. Other injuries occurred, but never while I was there. When I separated from the Army four and a half months after getting back from Iraq, I thought I could leave everything behind me. But over the years I lost friends, friends that stayed on active duty and redeployed back to Iraq or Afghanistan and we're never able to come back home. Those losses weighed on me, still weigh on me. There is a part of me that thinks how different things would be had I stayed by their sides. How many of my brothers would still be alive today if their "good luck charm" was still covering their six.

My favorite band, Sabaton, writes songs about war and military conflict. In their song 40:1, they have the lyrics "Always remember a fallen soldier. Always remember father's and sons at war." It is to my shame that over the years I have forgotten both the names and faces of most of my friends that fell. I remember some, and sometimes I am reminded of others through various posts of friends that were there with me. In another Sabaton song Light in the Black, they write
"When the war, has been won
And our march home begins
What awaits has not yet been revealed
What was won? what whas lost?
Will our deeds be remembered?
Are they written on stone or in sand?"

So, while I cannot list you all by name, today I honor the sacrifice that was made. While I may have forgotten the names, I will never forget the deeds.

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