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Back in 2019, something happened with my depression medication. We still don't know if it was the pharmacy or the psychiatrist that was at fault, or both, but somehow my depression medication went from 60 mg to 0 then way up to 100 mg. This caused me to completely whig out.
Apparently, I grabbed a knife and shouted that I was going to kill myself and that it was my sister's fault. My then-8-year-old nephew was there too and my sister ran into the bathroom to protect her and my nephew. I tried to run out of the house, but my mom grabbed me, threw me on her bed and sat on me until I calmed down. I don't actually remember any of this, but only know what my mom told me afterward. My mom said that it was scary because I had "dead eyes" like no one was driving my body, so to speak.
We did manage to get everything back on track, thankfully when I went in to my group program the program director was there with my counselor. She was really nice and calmed me down a lot by telling me that my actions were because of the pills, not me. I also had a long talk with my nephew with lots of hugs and explained that it was the medication that did it and that I'm better now. He was super scared and I was hoping that I wouldn't permanently scar him because I love him more than anything. Thankfully it didn't phase him after I showed him that I was still the same Aunt Jen.
After this happened, before we realized that the medicine had such crazy swings of dosage, my mom wanted to have me taken off of my medication and then have it put back one by one to see what caused it. The only one that I absolutely did not want to be taken off from was my minipress, as it's for my night terrors. I was sexually assaulted, beaten, urinated on, and set on fire when I was a kid and since I've been on minipress I've been night-terror free, and you couldn't pay me to go back to dealing with that.
My psychiatrist took me off of the other medications, but then when it came to put my ADHD medication back on she wouldn't. Even though she was prescribing it with no problem for 2 years, she claimed I only wanted it to lose weight. When I explained that I had been diagnosed, she said she couldn't find any diagnosis. My psychologist then diagnosed me again, and she still won't accept his diagnosis because she said that he only based it from my chart. I saw him for 5 years, so if anyone would know it would have been him.
That's why my writing schedule is so unpredictable and why I jump between stories. I can't function properly without my ADHD medication (thankfully COVID-19 has kept me from trying to deal with real-life commitments with ADHD). When my group program opens back up in May, I'm going to talk with the program manager to see if she can convince my psychiatrist to accept my psychologist's diagnosis so that I can get back on my ADHD medication again. I miss working with the Red Cross, so I'll be happy when I can do that again.
Comments
I've often wondered why
I've often wondered why doctors can get on their high horses. I suppose it's because it gives them a sense of power. Back in 2002 or 2003, I was having some serious problems at work. I was having a hard time concentrating and making poor decisions. I even did something rather dumb, and cracked a rib.
I suspected I was developing diabetes, and talked to a doctor regarding it. As soon as I mentioned diabetes, she took the attitude that it couldn't be the problem. I was tested, and she again denied it.
I went on for a year, wondering what was going on, and why I couldn't concentrate. Eventually, I lost my job. I went back to the doctor, only by this time, the doctor that said I didn't have diabetes had moved on. The doctor I talked to this time took one look at my chart and said, you had diabetes when you were checked a year ago.
We have gotten to the point where people go into the doctor knowing what is wrong, and it removed some of that sense of power from them. They are no longer the mysterious purveyor of health that they once were. We know how to check up on what they are recommending. This, there is a backlash against the common person, seemingly to keep that status.
At least in my opinion.
I hope and pray that your psychiatrist will see some reason.
Hugs!
Rosemary
change doctors
If you have a physician you're not happy with find another doctor. Ask your psychologist for a recommendation perhaps. I think finding a doctor you can work with is particularly important when it comes to psychiatric care.
Maybe Docs Are Scared
Throughout my six-decade career, I've worked in and around malpractice insurance. I actually was an underwriter and field loss engineer on the Mayo Clinic account in Rochester, MN.
I created an insurance company to provide medical malpractice for medical professionals.
Doctors and nurses are human. Doctors and nurses make mistakes. Doctors and nurses are often sued and it really is not terribly connected to their malfeasance. Most people sue because the doctor made them mad.
I've had doctors amputate the wrong leg. I've had doctors who didn't know the basics of anatomy and were in the final rotation to become a surgeon. I've had nurses constantly lose patients in mental wards.
Many doctors are like professional athletes. They are told they're special and entitled from an early age. They suffer from arrested development. When it comes to money -- a lot of doctors are childlike. Hospital administrators try to put reins on doctors by mandating procedures and tests. This results in petulent doctors who tend to lash out when they can.
Medicaid drives the pricing for a huge percentage of hospital revenue. Doctors can't make as much as they once did. This results in petulent doctors.
I'm not making excuses for them. I'm simply trying to throw some light and why they act as they do.
It has nothing to do with you, personally.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
If the Little Girl can do it
I have a psycido sister, my best friend's little sister, and she became my sister also. The things she and you have faced in your lives and yet managed to survive astounds me. I'm not sure she weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet but the courage she has to face the challenges in life is beyond measure. Reading your story, you must be her twin. Courage and strength beyond measure, girls are the strongest of the species.
My sis has given me the strength to keep on going past some of my darkest times. I look at her and tell myself, if the little girl can do it so can I. To all the women and men in the world, God didn't create woman to be Adam's concubine. He created woman to show men what true strength and courage really is. Otherwise God's creation of mankind would have failed. Men would have never survived on their own.
Hugs JenniBee
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl