She fell.
Through the quiet darkness with the moon over her shoulder, she fell.
Toward the sea below, and the rocks, toward the foaming maelström between them, she fell.
She pulled her hands and arms into a point above her head, or rather below it, steering with her legs in the wind of her own passage.
Down and down and faster and faster, her breath tight and painful, not because she was holding it but because it came so fast that it could not be held.
She fell toward the water, silent except for the pounding of the wind and the roaring of her heart; she fell, not by accident but on purpose; she had jumped and she had not been pushed.
On the cliff above, the men watched her fall, knowing that she had chosen escape into death rather than let them catch her, touch her, find out who she was, stop her from living to tell anyone what she had seen.
She struck the sea at the last, at the very end of her fall, the inevitable surprise at the bottom of every dive and she knifed cleanly through the water the way he had taught her and she knew that to the men above she had simply disappeared because she made no splash and hardly a sound at all, not one they could hear anyway though to her it sounded like the crash at the end of a world.
But, she lived.
Comments
word choices
I always enjoy reading books by authors who are also poets. they often have little treasures scattered through them.
Thanks :)
It does have a poetic quality, doesn't it?
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
On the other hand...
... it's usually a good idea to avoid Purple Prose. (Says the girl with the purple hair.)
-- Daphne Xu
Best way
The best way to avoid purpleness in vivid writing is to steer clear of Latinate words if a useful Anglo-Saxon word will do. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Improved by descriptiveness.
There are a few writers here who will understand. I JUST read a story that was good and would be improved by such skill. This is very well done.
Thank you.
Gwen
You're welcome
I try to teach classes in writing but the real way to learn is to do it. And listen to your audience! I've been writing for other people to read for 61 years, so it can take some time. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Small, but loyal following.
It's bothered me that my stories receive only moderate attention, and I've spent so much time wondering and feeling wounded because of it. Well, perhaps success is not granted so I don't get conceited and impossible to deal with?
And, none of my stories use video games or popular movies as inspiration. Instead, I write what my heart tells me to. I've had a couple of commenters who seem quite upset with me for various reasons, and I've not understood.
Some Authors have never become popular until after their deaths. All we can do is try and not give up, I suppose.
That was a superb surprise!
I was looking for Erin's always valuable words of wisdom as how-to.
In its place, I found a perfect example.
Never have I more rapidly selected a "love" option. Pictures they say (even if it was verbal this time) "speak louder than words".
Thank you
It's hard to talk about words sometimes, easier to show than to tell.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.