No one should feel like you do.

About twenty years ago my spouse and I got up in the middle of the night and went to our hot tub.

Life was running over me. We worked out the four key problems facing us. If we could solve those four problems we would be okay.

Unfortunately, the problems were so immense that if we solved any three and not the fourth, our lives would be in tatters.

We didn't have any answers that night but just having isolated the problems helped. We went back to bed and slept about an hour before waking up and going in to work.

Within six months, we had solved every one of those "unsolvable" problems. It wasn't easy and there was some pain involved.

Today I still have problems. That's life. NONE of my problems are overwhelming.

You need to sit down and figure out exactly what your problems are. You're upset and seemingly blurring things a bit. For example, you say you lost the one person who will talk to you on BC, when that isn't even close to true. There are many, many people here who will communicate with you.

My spouse has always been faithful. . .as have I. I don't understand infidelity. It shouldn't happen but some of the finest people I've known have done it. I can't condone it -- but it happens. Everyone has to deal with that kind of thing in there own way. There was a time we tried to act as if infidelity was unforgivable. They even tried to impeach Clinton for getting a blowjob. Now we have a president who has normalized infidelity. Who would have thought that possible? You need to decide what works for you.

I'm not a good one to talk about family. I had five siblings. I get along with two of them and my sister died. I cherish the two good relationships because most people don't have that many. I haven't reached out to the other two for two years because they're toxic for me. About six months ago I had a problem with one of the brothers I like. It festered until I went to see him and in minutes we were back on firm ground. Some family is worth making an effort. Some family is toxic. You have to make the choices about that. Life is NOT a Hallmark card.

There was a time I thought I had hundreds of friends. Then crap happened. I found out that the number of true friends I had was closer to single digits. I've come to realize that anyone who has more than three 'friends' is exceptional. All the rest are acquaintances. Good acquaintances aren't bad things to have but don't be fooled by a Hollywood world where the town rallies around George Bailley. That doesn't happen very often.

This is a raw time of year. When I start feeling down because the sun isn't shining much and Christmas celebrations are wearing me to a frazzle, I re-charge by doing something for someone. They don't even have to be less fortunate.

One time I gave a multi-millionaire philanthropist a Christmas gift. He was in tears. He said it just never happened to him, even though he actually gave away $million in his syndicated column. His name was Percy Ross.

Most charitable things I prefer to do anonymously but just being nice is amazing and becoming rarer. Try telling the checkout at the grocery store that he's doing a great job. The results are almost always predictable.

I can feel like dung, but when I spend some time doing something for someone else, magic happens.

Things can get worse. And, things can get better. That's how life works. If life were perfect it would be dull . . . and that is an imperfection. Dread is a symptom of a problem. When my children (all adults) speak of personal dread I go through a checklist with them.

Are you:

Sleeping enough
Eating right
Getting Exercise
Staying away from abusive use of alcohol or drugs

I just checked your writing. You know how to tell a story. I'm sure many have felt much better after reading what you've written. That is a positive contribution to society.

I will pray for you, if you will pray for me.

You're a powerful person who can heal. . .even yourself. You're at a very rough age at 23. It does get better. I promise.

Jill