After everything that's happened in my life lately---the eviction looming chief among them---I think I need a break. I've been giving it a lot of thought lately and I'm not happy. Not just with writing either. I took a long look at my life the other day and I realized its dull. I wake up in the morning and do the SAME NOTHING EVERY day. Its not a life I'm proud of. There's no purpose to it.
I used to enjoy my life. I used to love playing my games. I used to love writing. I think I HATE them now. I was discussing it with one of my fellow writers here. Once writing became integral to my life and my income, I found myself enjoying it less and less. It suddenly became something I had to do and less something I wanted to do. I've begun to notice the quality of my writing changing too. I'm sure most of the readers here will tell me differently. But I've taken a look at some of my earlier work here and there's passion in them. The stories and fun and vibrant and well written. My latest stories are bland to me. I struggle to even write 10 chapters when I used to be able to accomplish 20. Every idea of mine seems stale and over used. When I do come up with one I like, I NEVER seem to be able to finish it and I have a hard time inserting some kind of gender change or transgender element into it.
Its NOT how I want things.
So this is me announcing I'm taking a break. I have one more fully written chapter of my current story done. If anyone wants me to post it, let me know and I will. Just know there is no more after that. The story ran out of steam for me. The ideas were flowing for a while until I did too much thinking.
Comments
Get your real life sorted out
and then hopefully, you can relax and take stock. If your muse comes back then I'm sure that you will have a good welcome here.
Good luck with sorting out your home.
Samantha
sometimes
You just have to take a step back from things, get your head square with where you are with your life. If you can actually work out what that purpose is you are doing a lot better than most of us - i've done the whole family thing, sporting / academic success and career stuff - hasn't made me much the wiser to why i'm here.
These cycles of 'depression', asking what your purpose is, can be positive things or you can let them take control and set you into a depressive nose dive.
It's these times, and i'll admit to repeated bouts of despair in the last couple of years, when just getting away is what you need. For me it might just be going for a long bike ride, a walk maybe - something to get away from the four walls. It's amazing the restorative powers a break from routine can have.
Don't let things rule you, you set the agenda. I've been there with the housing, its not nice, it can end on a positive note though. It might go against how you feel or want to go forward but take control.
As Sam says, if and when you you return to writing, posting here should be on your terms, don't feel pressured to churn out x number of words just because.
Get your housing situation fixed even if it means moving, get your head into a 'happy' place, most of all do it for you.
In the meantime you can still visit us here, you don't have to write to do that.
Good luck
Mads
Madeline Anafrid Bell
You've been doing this for
You've been doing this for almost 9 years. Put your feet up for a while.
As the latin proverb sais,
Hun, "Nomen est Omen"!
I think it is time you rethink (and hopefuly change) your penname. Looks to me like it has had its effect, don't you think?
I hope this helps,
Monique.
Monique S
Thank you
Thank you. You have consistently been one of my favorite authors, and not just on this site. I am amazed by your talent. If you've reached the point where you need a break, please take one and take care of yourself. I just hope that eventually you will return to writing and grace us again with your work.
Another author I have enjoyed
Another author I have enjoyed, outdoors writer John Gierach has said that he didn't want to tie flies professionally because he didn't want to make something he loved into a chore. I think you have done this to yourself with writing. If you can survive without the income from writing and just do it when you want to write for the pleasure of it maybe the love will return. Good luck with your problems and I hope you do write again.
Life is a 4-letter Word
My heart goes out to you and would love to do something to help you out. You've been one of my faves on here but I understand where you are coming from, I think, on writing (similar thing happened to me years ago but not important now)...
That said, thank you for all you have written so far and here's fingers crossed and all the best well wishes I can muster that you simply find yourself in a good place in life!
I definitely agree.
Your real life comes first. If writing no longer helps you improve your real life then you do need to take a break. I do hope you manage to get past this point in your life and wind up with a decent, reasonable living situation.
But even if you stop writing stories, I hope you continue to read and post here and share your life with us. And please, please post that last chapter. I would like to read it.
Even though writing new stories is no longer brightening up your life, I want you to know how much the stories you have already written have brightened up my life. I spend a good portion of my spare time these days reading stories at BCTS. And re-reading the ones I particularly like. Eventually I had so may favorite stories that I was loosing track of and having trouble finding them again.
A month ago I started making a list of the authors and stories on BCTS that I particularly like. If an author writes stories on BCTS I include stories they have published on Amazon. A story could be anything from a short story to a group of novels in the same universe. And I mark in bold any story that I either want to read multiple times or have already done so.
The list isn't complete yet. Some of my favorite authors haven't been added yet. But so far, only 7 authors have gotten three or more stories written in bold.
Alicia Snowfall - 4
Dawn Natalie - 3
Enemyoffun - 9
Maddie Bell - 4
Savannah Maun - 4
Shiina Ai - 3
WolfJess7 - 4
Note how many of your stories I have marked in bold. More than twice that of any other author I've added so far. That is how much your stories have impacted and brightened up my life. So even if you wind up moving on with life and never write another story you will still be brightening up my life when I reread your existing stories now and then.
That is how important your stories are in my life and probably in the lives of other readers too. Thank you for writing these wonderful stories.
Checklist
Several people I love suffer from depression. Some statistics say about 10% of men and 5% of women have depression.
Although depression can be caused by any number of things some of the first things to check are:
Are you getting enough sleep?
Are you eating healthy?
Are you drinking within reason?
Are you staying away from drugs?
Are you getting enough exercise?
Simplistic, but a good place to start.
Good luck.
When you don't love writing . . . don't write.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)