So I know I told everyone about my life, what's been happening and how I've been coping with it all. Well I'm writing this to say that I'm not coping with it any longer. I can't do this anymore. Everyone around me are liars, cheats and fucking cocksuckers. I'm not apologizing for the language, the tags are appropriate.

Everything was simple once.

Three years ago I moved in with a woman I've HATED my entire life. She was the nastiest, craziest, most heinous member of my family but I had no choice because my mother lost her house and she made me completely, 100% dependent on her my entire life. So she fucked me over. She made me move in with the family bitch. I HATED every living minute of my life here. My aunt was not a pleasant person. She was a bigot and a bitch and treated everyone around her like fucking crap. Her own son wanted nothing to do with her. I'll get back to him in a bit.

The original plan was living with the woman for a year. My mother was going to get her affairs in order and rent a home somewhere. That year turned into two then three. I watched my aunt's health decline, I felt my mental health decline every day. I watched my dog's health decline until he couldn't take it anymore and never woke up one morning. My physical health began to decline too. Weight loss, insomnia, bouts of severe anger and depression. These were things I experienced from day to day. I'm still experiencing them.

Then she started telling everyone I was her Caregiver. I don't know how many people called me a Saint for doing this for her. You're such a wonderful person for taking of her. I'm not a wonderful person, I HATEd the fucking bitch. I went to bed every night hoping she would die in her sleep and I'd get out of this Hell. As her health declined, my mental state took a nosedive. No one would help. Not my family. Not my friends. Not the fucking idiots assigned to take care of her. Everyone told me there was nothing they could do to assist. So I was on my own. I tried to get help but it failed. The only silver lining finally came in the form of Adult Protective Services. They started an investigation and agreed to help me get away from this hell hole.

In the process of leaving, my aunt took a bad fall. She ended up in the hospital, had surgery and died shortly thereafter. The house we were living in was condemned, the police tried to accuse me of pushing her and I was in danger of losing everything I'd been my entire life achieving. I was only allowed to live in my mother's apartment for two weeks because the landlord didn't allow dogs there. We tried to pay him money to allow him to stay but the man wouldn't allow it. I will admit for the first time in my thirty six years of life, I wanted to end everything. I got pretty close.

But I pushed through it. I got the house uncondemned, moved back in with my dog and things were stable.

Then my aunt died.

I always had a standing deal with my cousin. He was going to pay me a large sum of money for taking care of his mother after her death. I lived day to day knowing that that money was waiting for me when this was all over. Well that time came and he lied. He presented two options. One, I stay in the home, the ownership turned over to me and I'd be responsible for her mortgage and back taxes, that which I couldn't afford. Or two, he'd sell the house then pay me a sum from the sale. Now neither option are available anymore. Because my aunt owed everyone an obscene amount of money, my cousin just wants to sell the house to pay off her outstanding debts. There's a lot of them, well over $10k. The house isn't even worth half of that.

I have two days of viable internet time left before the Cable is shut off, I'm not sure how much time I have before they kill the Electricity. I can't afford to pay either. I have no bank account, no savings. I lived month to month on the meager some of $100 my aunt paid me to care for her. She kept telling me we were in this together and she'd take care of me. She lied too. As much as I HATED her, she was all I had. Strangely enough the only family member---save her long dead sister---who ever showed me even a shred of affection, even if it was a kind that I didn't really want.

Honestly I don't know what the point of this blog is. I'm not sure if its to say good bye and thanks for the good times. I'm not sure if its a See you again or see you whenever. I'm not sure if I even want to wake up tomorrow morning. I know there's a knife and a pile of bills and No Hope sitting in front of me. I don't plan on using the knife but a small part of me sees how simple such a crude thing is at the moment.

So sorry for existing.

Have a Good Life.

Good Bye.

Sorry nothing will ever be finished.

EOF.