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I wanted to blog. I really did. I wanted to talk about gender and the difference between being transgender and just thinking what would it be like to be the other gender. I'm sure many guys out there wonder what it would be like to be a girl. I don't think that would be the same as wanting to be a girl. Even Jeff Foxworthy does a routine about picturing himself as a woman.
But. I'm not going to blog about that and that makes me sad. Why. because of fear of being judged. fear of having what I said taken out of context. fear of people posting things behind my back. I loved Big Closet. I remember when Erin posted the stories manually. It was a friendlier place then. I hope one day it can return to being that.
Comments
What?
?
Who's judging you for what now?
I feel like if I want to blog over my completely spur of the moment decision to become a land-dolphin, I won't be judged for it here. So I'm a bit confused.
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Clarification
This has been a long running thing where I post something and a certain segment takes what I said completely out of context or makes it into something that isn't there. I have been hesitant to post blogs for months now. Why? Because the things people say gets back to me and then I'm left in the position of wondering what to do and how my message could be so lost in translation. I know there is a lot of misinformation out there that paint me as an enemy and I pretty much know the two or three people spreading the lies. I will never change their perception of me, but what hurts is how many people so blindly believe what they are told without ever talking to me.
The most harmful is the lie going around that says I don't think a person is transgender unless they transition or have surgery, which couldn't be further from the truth. The other lie is that most of my post are passive aggressive ways to put people down. If I ever wanted to put someone down, I would do it directly. I rarely want to put anyone down. I like building people up, encouraging people, but when the perception gets started, it's hard to battle.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
I'd like to read it
You may post it not as blog entry but as a story with comments disabled (if it fits you).
Judgment Is Part of Living
BC hasn't changed all that much over the many years you and I have been here. My account says I've been here 10 years and four months, but that's off by at least five years.
Erin has become a bit more articulate in stating her philosophies. Thus the simple rules, which it seems you might want to review. (Especially consider "It's not about you.")
The biggest change I've noted is that series have become the rule rather than the exception. That could change tomorrow. I hope it does because most days I'm disappointed by the lack of new standalone stories. Writers should know that Fictionmania did a study years ago about the most popular stories. As I recall it was stories with a limited number of words, far shorter than today's mammoth offerings. That was in the day when Fictionmania's stories were much less XXX than what they are today.
Can you really say BC isn't friendly compared to the comments and mosh pit that was Fictionmania? I can't really speak to today's Fictionmania, because I don't go there. The only time in the past few years I've been there was when someone accused Erin of stealing Peaches and publishing it without the authors' permission. Total nonsense that hopefully my comments quashed..
From the first day I've been here people said things and other people have gotten hurt. Most of the sturm and drang is avoidable. Unfortunately, most is inevitable given the nature of the beast.
Write your blog. I'd be interested in a discussion on that topic. From the little you've said I probably wouldn't agree with you, but is my agreement with your opinion really necessary for you to feel good about yourself. Your attitude is pretty much up to you.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Hmm...I beg to differ. Here's
Hmm...I beg to differ. Here's my observations...
First, I've been here several years, and while BC and Erin's policies have not changed in that time, the atmosphere did change, roughly 2~3 years ago. That's when I noticed that a small clique of members started "gaming the system". Whenever a blog appeared that they didn't like, these few persons would react in hysterical anger. This would set others off, and then Erin would have to step in, with little recourse but to unpub the thread. Thus a very few members managed to use the rules to effectively censor any post or poster they didn't agree with. This went on for several months, until members in general started changing their blogging/commenting habits. I see this as the single biggest reason for the recent (last few years) slowdown in commenting. I know that it has dampened my desire to blog/comment to a considerable degree.
When you know that others are waiting to pounce on you, it constrains your actions. Eventually it constrains your thoughts. THAT is NOT a friendly atmosphere. It's not Erin's fault - she has her hands full trying to manage this 17-ring circus. It's the fault of those few who have twisted Erin's rules to meet their own ends.
Second, I have followed Katie's posts and she has not attacked, intimidated, or threatened anyone that I have seen, while I have noticed others sometimes respond to her in a less than friendly manner, twisting her words to the extreme. IMHO, it's not Katie who needs to review Erin's rules, but those who have posted hostile responses.
Sadly, I know exactly how Katie feels.
- vessica b
Pain of possibles
Katie, I would love to read and nicely comment on what your thoughts on being TG vs wanting to know the feels like being female. I know from personal experience what hurtful and mean things can be said by others who feel threatened, have disagreements with your ideas or feel you are attacking them/their way of life. I don't think that BC has changed all that much since I joined but just that everyone tries to play nice as long as the comments don't feel directed at them.
There are many views on what it is the be TG, I for one hate the term! As with everything in our supposed civilized world, it has to be seen as PC. I'm of the opinion of screw PC and just say what is on your mind. Life was never promised to be free of pain or offence.
This idea of all-inclusiveness is crap! The difference of what a cross-dresser vs a transvestite vs a shemale vs a pansexual, vs a asexual, vs a transsexual is as far as a rabbit compared to a cat. In stories there is a creature called a cabbit but we all know it to be a fantasy. We don't call all cats and rabbits hoppy creatures to be PC.
I am a transsexual who does not judge or speak derogatory about others who are of a different gender persuasion. I just don't want to be include in the PC term of TG. I don't behave nor live as these other people do. I don't even think the same way. I did not come from the frame of thought 'I wonder what it would be like to be a woman'. It took me till my teens to figure out what was different with me as I tried to live male but didn't fit. I am a woman and when my transition journey is finished, I will just be another woman living her life. Fear of loss and being outcast, shunned and abused stopped me from coming out till I was in my 40's and is my greatest regret.
Please write your blog. Hopefully the hate will be contained and it can bring a honest discussion to follow. I'll defend your right to speak your mind. Whether it is my belief or not, you should be free to say what is on your mind.
Dahlia
The Empress Has No Clothes
Katie, I think part of it is the fact that your comments poke at the scabs that people haven't dealt with and don't want any reminders about. Of course you didn't intend them as attacking or challenging anyone. You have a keen eye and you see things, and then you blog about them. But the people doing the ostrich thing don't like it when they are reminded of all the things they've left undone or tried to hide and pretend they don't really exist.
Nobody wants the reminder that they are essentially naked when they've worked so hard to sell themselves and others that there isn't any such thing as being exposed as naked. Having no way to challenge the facts, they turn with great glee and attack the messenger. You and I have differed in the past, and at times I really did not like you. You forced me to take a hard look at myself and realize I am a right pain-in-the-ass from time to time. Having grasped that little fact and trying to be a better person (talk about 20 miles of rough road!) has given me a chance to take a step back and reconsider some of the things you've said in a different way. Depression still has a pretty good grip on me, but if I come out the other end a bit better person, then you'll have to take part of the blame.
Oh BTW: you are not alone in be singled out for special treatment. I know one person quite well that is so afraid of the treatment she was getting she pulled all her stories and left BC. So, if misery does love company, then you do have some company! ;-)
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
Things I know about me
I know that I have a relatively thin skin when it comes to certain areas in my life. The last blog (about being endofeminine) got pulled because someone decided to post something that said ef this and ef that and ef you, so I deleted it. Another thing is I'm inquisitive. I like trying to look at things in new ways, even ways I might generally agree with. I love understanding things multiple ways because then it's easier to explain to others in language that they could understand. It also let's me ward off attacks. I am never one to say "this is the way it is, deal with it." To me, that is a cop out. I like as "This is the way it is, and here is why it is the way it is, why do you think otherwise."
Another thing is I really detest hate (oxymoron, right). I never believe in fighting hate with hate. I believe in love, truth, and forgiveness. I don't think you can have any kind of relationship or friendship without all three. So when I see people responding in hatred or spreading lies, I put my armor on. The problem is that while I'm protecting myself from one, I shut other people out. I'll have to work on that.
I will probably blog about being transgender vs. wondering what it's like to be the other gender on another day. I really want to get my thoughts in a row on this one.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
And here I am working
On my first story that looks at a relationship/marriage from the "straight" man's perspective. Now I'm worried that it won't be accepted.
Please continue to post your stories and blogs! I've gotten great pleasure reading them!
When I was a soldier, I spent 5 years developing training materials/manual's and there would always be one clown who would do his/her best to undermine the finished product. I had to develop a thick skin and a ducks back to let the vomit slide off my back. It comes with the territory of having a creative mind!
Don't succumb to the hatred and jealousy.
Red Dog
Deleting blogs
I wish you hadn't done that. I was following that thread and some of the replies were most interesting.
Like any website these days there are going to be trolls who just want to fling bile at everything they see. If they do that to you, it isn't because YOU have done anything wrong. They are just trying to get a reaction and they got one, you pulled the blog.
The correct response to garbage like that is to PM Erin with the URL of the offensive comment. (Sometimes she will see these on her own.) That will alert her to the troublemaker and she will take whatever action is appropriate.
Only by doing that will we succeed in stifling the few who come here who aren't interested in a rational discussion. Like most I abhor censorship but if those idiots want to demonstrate their hate, they can go and do it somewhere other than this wonderful site.
Penny
Didn't think about that
I didn't think that some of these actions were ruses to get me to pull my blog. To be honest, I was kind of surprised from some people's reaction because I thought I wrote the blog in a way that I made it about me and how I wanted to define myself, but then I get people telling me I'm making things worse and that I need to learn trans history and I guess I just panicked. To be honest, I thought the whole blog post was kitchy. I still like the term endofeminine, but I wasn't saying everyone had to adapt it, I wasn't making a policy statement, I wasn't saying that all transgender people that fit the narrow definition I set up for myself needed to adapt it as their own.
Lesson learned.
I apologize for pulling the blog. I was selfish and didn't think of people following allow with the comments or having back and forths. I will try to keep this in mind the next time.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
You asked what people thought
You asked what people thought, and some of us replied rationally with what we thought. A small few... not so much. I was also following the blog to see what other people thought. Most of the threads I follow these days seem to be gone the next day. Usually with no explanation. So I'm glad to at least see the explanation for that one. :P
~Taylor Ryan
My muse suffers from insomnia, and it keeps me up at night.