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I spent all day drawing ducks. I hope it was worth it. :)
Joyce
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Comments
This one cracked me up
I can't say why exactly...maybe because it brought to mind this joke:
A duck walks into a grocery store and waddles right up to the manager and asks, "Ya got any duck food?"
The manager looks down at the fowl distastefully and says, "No, we don't have duck food and we don't serve your kind in here. Now get out!"
The little duck sighs and hangs his head and leaves. The next day the duck is back at the same time and walks up to the manager again and says, "Ya got any duck food?"
"No!" the manager shouts. "I told you yesterday we don't have duck food and we don't want your kind in here. No get lost!"
Once more the duck hangs his head and leaves, dejected and hungry. This goes on for several days, with the duck returning at the same time each day looking for duck food and the manager driving him away hungry. Finally one day, the manager has had all that he can stand and is waiting as the duck arrives. He heads off the persistent fowl, screaming at him before he can make a single quack.
"I've told you we don't want your kind in here," The manager screams, livid. "Now get out and if you come back again I'm going to nail your nasty little webbed feet to the floor!"
The poor little duck sighs heavily, hangs his head and turns around and leaves.
The next day the manager is watching the door but the duck doesn't appear at his usual time. Convinced he has driven off the distasteful fowl, the manager goes back to his work. A short time later he is shocked when the duck comes waddling up to him.
"Ya got any nails?" the duck asks.
"No, this is a grocery store not a hardware store," the manager says in confusion.
"Good!" the duck replies. "Ya got any duck food?"
Sincerely,
Scott
Bree
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy
http://genomorph.tglibrary.com/ (Currently broken)
http://bree-ramsey314.livejournal.com/
Twitter: @genomorph
Duck! Jokes!
A guy walks into a bar with a chicken on his head. The bartender points at him and shouts, "Duck!"
"No," says the man indignantly, "This is a chicken."
About that time the poultry hit the overhead fan.
+++++
A bald man with a duck on his head walked into a bar. "How's it going, Solly?" the bartender asked.
"Not so good," the duck said. "This thing still hasn't hatched."
+++++
A tax man with a duck on his head walked into a bar. "How's it going, Manny?" asked the bartender.
"Terrible," said the duck. "I've got the IRS on my ass."
+++++
A guy with a duck on his head walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, he drinks up then leaves without paying.
The next day he shows up again, same duck on his head, same order and same as before, he drinks up and leaves without paying.
The third day, a different guy walks into the bar and says, "Have you seen a guy with a duck on his head?"
"No," says the bartender. "I haven't seen him today."
"Well, if you see him, give him this for me," says the guy and punches the bartender right in the nose. The bartender is so surprised that the guy gets away.
A few hours later, another guy comes in and asks, "Have you seen a guy with a duck on his head?"
Wary, the bartender steps back and reaches for the billy he keeps behind the bar. "No, I haven't," he says firmly.
The guy suddenly whips out a pistol and fires several times at the bartender, who throws himself flat to avoid getting hit. "Give him one of those for me!" the guy shouts as he runs out of the bar.
Later that same day, while the bartender is still cleaning up broken mirrors and booze bottles, the man with the duck on his head comes in.
"You!" shouts the bartender pointing at him.
The man looks surprised but the duck says, "This is about my bill, isn't it?"
++++++++
A transvestite with a duck on his head walks into a bar.
"Nice dress," says the bartender.
"Good try," says the duck. "You wanna another go at it?"
"All right," says the bartender so the crossdresser and the duck go out and come in again.
"Hubba hubba," says the bartender.
"Oh, please," says the duck. "That slang is ancient, you can do better than that!"
The bartender nods and waves and the duck and TV head out to come in again.
This time the bartender is busy at the other end of the bar. Looking a little puzzled, the crossdresser sits at the bar and puts his purse down while the duck just mutters under his breath.
A drunk who's been watching all this gets out of his booth and staggers over to sit on the stool next to the TV and the duck. "Come here often?" he asks.
"Just leave me alone," says the crossdresser. The duck looks indignant but says nothing.
"Wanna date?" asks the drunk.
"No!" says the TV. "I'm waiting for someone." The duck glares at the drunk but still says nothing.
"I've never done it with a hooker wearing nothing but a duck. Fifty bucks?" offers the drunk.
At that point, the duck whips out his badge. "You're under arrest for soliciting an act of prostitution, sucker," he shouts.
"Oh no!" groans the drunk. "You're a police decoy!"
+ + + +
Joyce
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Groan
Groannn.
:)
Jan
Liberty is more than the freedom to be just like you.
Ouch!
Jokes just like one and many that are worse, some that are better are in the Pretty Good Joke section of the Prairie Home Companion radio web site.
Must go rest brain, too much sillyness.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa