Wish I had come out rather than be caught.

A little advice from a 50+ year veteran of the wife knowing. We've been married 57 years as of last August. I was caught five years into our marriage. Her attitude then was "Do it if you must, but don't let me see it." (That's softened over the years.)

I embarked on a campaign of being the best husband I could be. Never forget a birthday or anniversary. Listen closely to her idle musing and take notes. (At least mental notes.) Often times those idle musings will contain heartfelt desires that she thinks are either to trivial or to difficult to even consider asking for them. If it's in your power, make it happen.

Two examples: the first one was easy. My wife likes peanut butter milkshakes. Not all places that sell milkshakes make peanut butter shakes. I managed to find two that did and, at random times with no schedule, I would stop by on my way home and get one for her. A couple of bucks every two or three months and it pleased her.

We have two grandchildren. My son-in-law's family had a digital camera and had taken a slew of pictures of them. I asked if they could get me a CD with them on it. They did so we were looking at them on the computer one day and she commented that one in particular would be nice to have as an 8 x 10. Well, unbeknownst to her, I knew an amateur photographer who had the setup to print out digital photos. I sent him a copy of that particular photo and explained that that I wanted to give it to her as a Christmas present. He not only printed it, but matted and framed it and wouldn't take any money for the work. The gift cost me nothing.

When I gave it to her she said, "You do listen to me." She talked about that gift all year long when ever Christmas came up. She never mentioned the $60 or $70 worth of other gifts I had gotten her that year.

That said to say, it's the little things that make the difference.

The other side of the coin is tread lightly with the expression of your feminine side. Keep it to allowing yourself to assume a feminine slant when commenting on something; movies, clothes etc. The actual wearing of them in her presence probably shouldn't happen until she's had ample time to process having a feminine husband and that he has a need to express that by the clothes he wears. That could be years, so have patients.

I could write a book on the dos and don'ts of being married to a knowing wife. I've done most of the don'ts.

A great outcome to something you'd probably been stressing + wondering about for years-
just what kind of disaster coming out would create. She sounds like someone I would like.
Coming out isn't a issue for me. In my hermit's life there's really no one to come out to...
Except maybe supermarket tellers or random strangers on the bus; which would be silly;
but if any of them ask me how I identify or what my my pronouns are, I'll tell them...
~Hugs, congratulations + smiley emojis; Veronica