or at least not engaging drive!

So i'm back in Brizzle where the main attraction is an actual bed! Doesn't stop the guilt level being high, there might not be anything i can really do but i should be there for my Dad right? I can't say that we've ever been close as such, we've done stuff together, i think he's fulfilled the 'father' role pretty well, often working long hours to make sure his family was fed and looked after. I feel a huge debt on my shoulders, one which i don't know how to service or if its even possible to service.

And that 'guilt' is paralizing, i can't focus on anything, each day i'm waiting for the 'call', my head occupied by blancmange rather than cohesive thoughts. We didn't get the chance to say farewell when Mum died, it all happened so quickly but this time we do and i don't want to mess it up, its a one shot gig after all. And so i sit here, waiting.

I did take myself out on the bike today, @ 60km taking in the charity bun fest, this month it was in aid of Macmillan (a UK hospice charity), is that prophetic? It took my mind off things for a few hours which i guess is the best i can hope for at this point.

More from me in the week, but for now,
Wiedersehn,
Madeline Anafrid