Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

November 29 - December 5, 2015

November 29, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

Everyone noticed my earrings. At choir, some even asked if it meant that I was gay because both ears were pierced. Noah set the tune when he said it was a thing that all sissies do. I shouldn't have considered this an insult. I have admitted that I was a sissy before, but when Noah called me a sissy it was so negative.

I was not so sure about getting my ears pierced. I thought they were pretty and I look forward to buying nice earrings. I could not understand why I let Annie put me in a diaper and even be in public with it. I could not understand why she had such power over me. It should have been me that decided to get my ears pierced. I suppose it would have happened at some stage. The question was if I was becoming submissive. Could I ever say no to Annie? Did I still hope that she would love me?

Dad was very mad at me. He told me that he thought that we had an understanding that I was to be the teenage boy that God intended me to be. He could not deal with a son that wanted to be a girl. When Dad told me that he was ashamed of me, I lost my temper and told him that I hated him. This stunned him and I stormed to my bedroom and hid.

My life was in a mess. Dad was ashamed of me, and most likely did not love me. Annie didn't care about me and treated me like her own doll that she could dress up. I haven't met Bella and Andrew in our secret hiding place for a month because I was sure that Andrew fancied me and I did not know what to say. Could things get any worse?

November 30, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

My problems do not even compare with the problems that mother Earth has. All the nations have met in Paris where they are discussing how the climate will change. I don't understand a lot about it, except that the world will be getting warmer and warmer and there will more natural catastrophes if we do not reduce the greenhouse gas emissions that we spit into the air. Decades of overproduction and using things that destroy the earth has caused it. Just typical. Parents screw our lives in every way they can!

Miss Appleby frowned when she has seen the earring studs and told me that I was a disgrace while Bellas grandmother thought they looked very pretty. Bella was not in a good mood as she was teased a lot at school, more than usual. She did warn me about Annie and told me that Annie did not love me.

When we came home, Billy had an announcement to make. He was in drug addict counselling, not because he was a drug addict, but he reckoned that if he could use them once, he could use them again. He also decided that it was time that he would leave home and find someplace where he could live. That meant that he also wanted a job. I thought he had a lot of courage and yet it was sad that Billy would no longer live here.

I told Billy that I would miss him. He retorted by asking how did I have the energy to think of others, as it seemed I only thought of myself. I did not respond but noticed that Dad nodded his head.

December 1, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

Christmas month! The countdown continues.

I had no school today. Mom took me to a specialist doctor. Mom gave her the music that I listened to, the vitamin pills and other medical records. I was tested over and over again. I hate needles and I hate people prodding my body. The doctor was a nice woman that smiled a lot. Her name was Dr Mary

When she finished testing me, she asked me if I considered myself transgender? Did I think I had the wrong body? I told her that I considered myself a sissy. I liked being a boy but also liked dressing as a girl. I liked doing boy things but also playing with a doll or some girl activity. I told her that my Dad could not accept this. He did not know that I dressed as a girl when I was at Bella's house. As I finished telling my story, I made sure that I was not gay and that I loved Annie.

We were told to come back in a few hours, so mom and I went to eat something. Mom thought I was brave. I admitted that I liked Dr Mary much more than the crazy doctor. The Crazy doctor told me what to think while Dr Mary listened to me.

When we came back, Dr, Mary told us she needed further tests to be sure, but she could tell us what she knew. She warned us that we were not to see the crazy doctor anymore. She was shocked that a fellow doctor could be so unethical and involved in what Doctor Mary considered as child abuse.

The vitamin pills I got were not vitamins. They were female hormones. If I continued to take them, then I would get breasts and my body would be more female. It was the same for the injections. One injection was a puberty blocker, which stopped my male hormones from working. The crazy doctor was giving me a female body!

The second injection was far worse, and Doctor Mary was shocked that I was getting it as it was not approved and would never be approved. She said it was an injection that somehow made me smaller. This caused the pains that I was having, as my body should have been growing and not shrinking. Dr Mary mentioned that It would stunt my growth in the future, so I should not have further injections. Besides all that, it weakened my organs and this could be fatal and cause huge health problems.

Then she said the music was devious and even evil. It had subliminal messages that convinced me that it was ok to be a girl. The subliminal messages told me that I was born in the wrong body. They also told me that I felt safer being a baby and it was ok to act like a baby. Doctor Mary explained that these subliminal messages were very strong and really could screw with my mind.

Mom was pale and told the doctor that I was a normal boy until my aunt started dressing me as a girl on a holiday in Greece. The doctor responded that my aunt could have been brainwashing me or it could have been something deep inside me all the time. We had to deal with me my current mental and physical state. This will take a lot of work and will demand patience and understanding from my parents.

She advised that I continue with the puberty blockers and estrogen until I was sure what I wanted. However, the growth injections and the subliminal messages had to stop. She offered to give me therapy so I would go on the path that I wanted and not what others wanted.

Then she looked at me and said that I needed to be brave. I would have to search deep inside of myself and find my true identity. She did ask me to stop using the word, sissy. She told me that I could be genderfluid, which meant I did not identify with a certain gender. She smiled and told me sissy is a negative word to many and sometimes is used to describe a fetish. I needed to Google what fetish meant.

On the way home, Mom only had one comment, “Wow”

December 2, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

I still woke up with pains. Mom told Dad everything the doctor said and the only comment Dad had was that the doctor read too much Stephen King.

At school, Andrew asked me why I was ignoring him. I lied and said I have been very busy

When we came home from Bellas, Mom was smiling and said that I got the role in the Netflix series. I nearly fainted and did not believe it. I did not say a word the rest of the day. Could this be true?

Aunty came and wanted to speak. Mom left her in as Dad scowled. Aunty admitted that she tried to make me think I was transgendered. She never did like boys and liked me better as a boy. She also said that she did not think it would so be so easy and maybe she awakened something in me. She was in tears when she admitted that she was possessed by me becoming more babyish and girly.

Aunty then looked at mom and told her that she never wanted to kill her. She was responsible for the accident, but it was done in a crazy state of mind. Aunty told us she was now getting help, and she needed to confess. She hoped that one day that we would forgive her.

December 3, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

Nothing much happened today. Dad wanted to speak with me. He said this Netflix series could make me famous. It would be a short career if people knew that I was a sissy. Then he smiled and told me not to worry. So many people have been screwing with my mind. He would find a solution.

December 4, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

I spoke with Andrew today and apologised that I have been avoiding him because I have seen a heart in his book where it said: “A loves A”. I tried to explain to Andrew that I respected that he was gay, but I did not think that I was gay. He was my best friend and he would also be my best friend. I hoped he would understand that it would never be a gay relationship.

Andrew got mad and told me how could I ever think that this heart meant that he loved me? So many people have a name that starts with A! Andrew told me my biggest problem was not that I liked dresses, it was that I only thought about myself. He shoved me and walked off.

December 5, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Mom and Sarah went on a shopping trip today as a mother-daughter day.

This meant I could read the manuscript of the new Netflix series called “Spacey”. It was hard to concentrate. So many things have happened this week. I got this role, Billy wanted to leave home, I went to a new doctor, Dad had a plan to “cure” me and Andrew was mad at me again.

Dad was listening to the news. It got my attention when the newscaster said that the crazy doctor was arrested!

To be continued. I hope you will look at my profile and read other stories I have done
https://www.wattpad.com/user/VictoriaTemple7