The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2510 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad

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It was my birthday tomorrow, I thought as I drove from the school to the university. I’d forgotten to ask Delia what I was supposed to be teaching and although I was fairly sure of my technique, Sturm und Drang, I hadn’t done much recently, and it does tend to affect one’s confidence slightly. Consequently, my ego was currently only about the size of Africa.

“Ah, Professor, Heather was asking what you’d need in the way of assistance this morning.”

“What and who am I trying to educate?”

She smirked, “Climate change and its effect upon ecological systems, to the second year.” She handed me a lever arch file and smiled. I went into my office and called Heather. I was due to start at half past nine, she’d barely manage to do all I asked her by then.

As I had a meeting with Tom and the vice chancellor, an obsequious little man who made my flesh creep, I’d dressed tidily. I was in a skirt suit with printed cotton vee necked top. I also had a similar coloured scarf to the green of the suit. I wore heels, a gold chain round my neck and another on my wrist, together with my gold and black Omega watch. I gave my perfume a quick boost and as I flicked through my notes Delia brought me in a cuppa. This lecture was only ninety minutes as I had a tutorial to do afterwards and the meeting was scheduled for two. It was going to be a long and challenging day.

“May I come and listen to you teach again?” she asked.

“Who’ll answer the phone in your absence?”

“I asked Pippa, she was quite happy to cover for an hour and a half.”

“If you wish,” I allowed not really sure I wanted her there; I’d say no, next time. I checked my hair and makeup and carrying my folder of notes and my laptop in one hand with my handbag in the other I strolled down to lecture theatre number one. It was filling up. Heather took my laptop and plugged it into the projector system. We had a huge screen but until we could use holograms, it would have to do.

I seated myself at the bench and checked some images on my computer and then inserted the memory stick from the folder. It opened and ran through a few of them. It wouldn’t be as much fun as last time but they’re here to learn not play.

At exactly half past nine I stood up and took off my suit jacket hoping I didn’t look too fat in the skirt. Introducing myself and then my subject, I asked if everyone was able to see the screen. They all said they could.

As usual, I asked for definitions of climate change and got them to see climate and weather were not interchangeable terms. Weather was what happened yesterday or today, climate was what would happen over the next fifty or hundred years.

I asked them what was the most important climate change known. They suggested global warming. We discussed that for some time, especially the ecological consequences—such as some species extending their ranges and others ceasing to be. Nothing new there then. All species are likely to become extinct eventually, even us, though we may be the only species in the universe to know it and perhaps the only one who can prevent it.

I nodded to Heather and the lights all went out to gasps and laughs. We produced a bright flash and rumble of thunder. More gasps. “The largest extinction event we know of is happening as an asteroid smashes into the earth hitting an area we know as the Gulf of Mexico. Millions of dinosaurs disappear in a relatively short period due to the drop in temperatures caused by the nuclear winter which followed it. The upshot is that the age of the mammals began, we’re still in it but who knows how long that will last?

The air conditioning was on virtually freezing as I tried to simulate the effect of nuclear winter. It brought forth some grumbles but from who, we couldn’t see in the dark.

Then I distracted them and the heating came on full blast. It was expensive but I had a point to make about global warming, which they might just remember. The lights came up again and we discovered people were moving apart or taking off clothing—coats and scarves, that was all. Heather handed out fossils as I went into data about them. It’s fascinating when it turns out the piece of rock you’re holding is a hundred million years old because it contains bits of fossil that are no longer alive.

I made them work before they all complained it was too hot and one or two twigged what was happening. At great cost to the university, I’d overheated the room to show what it feels like in global warming.

Once again my personal cheer leader applauded and loads of others followed. I bowed and quickly left to start my tutorial group in a cooler classroom down the corridor. About forty five minutes was as much as I could stick of that and I told them to pull their socks up or I was going to be sending out warning letters.

Reminding them that they had a joint responsibility for their education and I was always ready to listen to proper complaints not whingeing which says more about the complainant than the complaint. A group tutorial, I pointed out was a chance to share views with a teacher, not a grumble shop. Some of them didn’t seem to appreciate the difference. Perhaps I was a bit tough on them, especially as I had a reputation for being this soft and caring woman who listened. I did listen but I also told them by listening carefully, I determined that many of their problems seemed self inflicted and once they acknowleged it I might be prevailed upon to help with the issues that caused it—to-wit one of my teaching staff, albeit one I had little contact with, hadn’t had any part in appointing, didn’t especially like and who was off sick—yet again. These kids were paying six or eight thousand a year for support and teaching they weren’t getting, but as no one had identified that as an issue, I let it lie, but determined to do something about it.

I spent my lunch time with files of expenses and budgets plus policy documents agreed by the university management board and academic council. I was on the latter but not the former. The council was an advisory body not a governing one so it was a toothless group in most ways.

At half past one I drained the last of my tea and finished my lunch with an apple before cleaning my teeth and reapplying my lipstick. I was as ready as I could be to fight my corner if they were looking for cuts. I’d just returned from the ladies when Delia announced the vice chancellor had been called away on some urgent business and our meeting was postponed until after Christmas. I wasn’t sure if I felt pleased or irritated as all my energy, which I’d been working up all morning, suddenly had nowhere to go. “I’m going for a walk,” I said grabbing my coat strolled out of the building.