Encrypted-12

Chapter 12

I lean into Brandy and she’s leaning into me and this is where my brain really understands that I’m a transgendered woman. It’s this.

It’s where we have this soft way of melting into each other’s care where I don’t have to pretend to be strong when I’m just not equipment to be. It’s lying in a way and I’ve never been good at lying. Yes I didn’t know and that sort of makes it okay but it was a lie of omission to me at least which is why I didn’t know.

But now it’s like Brandy and I were made to be this, that we both are who we really are and sometimes soft needs soft back.

It’s almost as just as perfect as a lovely simple equation. I can feel it as we kiss and we almost are melding into each other her curves and my well not so curves but it will happen. It’s just feeling right.

And that’s a very powerful thing because when you have a too literal person like me. For me to feel something on a gut instinct level and completely get it in the same way as everyone else would in the same situation is…

Well.

I’ll tell you this much those of us with AS. We well and truly know that we’re different. That we fixate on things that we should let go but we can’t, that we try to follow the flow of the topics around us and we try to fit into the peer group and join in only to be completely off base to use a baseball metaphor. We know these things, we know that we are different and strange and we have these moments of OCD and other strange things going on and we just have a hard time fitting in.

Well.

It hurts, even if you have something else going on than what I was talking about when you’re different a lot of the time it’s not a wonderful thing. It sucks and it hurts and I hate it. I’ve hated it for most of my life. I can deal, I have to, but those who aren’t different they won’t get it.

They won’t get home much fitting anywhere means to us and to find love, and to feel normal? Really normal. I think I might even be getting a handle on having happy tears of my own.

Despite Darla we get into kissing pretty heavy with each other until we heard voices getting closer and one was Darla’s and the other was Kenneth Livingstone, the head of the department.

I was starting to get separated to smooth myself out when Brandy kisses me deeply as Kenneth enters and I feel her hands slide over my bum and my skirt. I’m sure he didn’t miss any of it.

He coughs and we pull apart and I take a Kleenex and blot the lipstick.

“Madison now right?” He’s holding a copy of the letter. I think it was “Send-all’d” to the different departments.

“Uhm yes, Is there a problem Kenneth?”

“No actually it makes sense to me.”

“Pardon?”

“I just found that you wee floundering with you condition in regular life. I’ve seen a few people that had AS and other similar things that have turned out to be different on the gender spectrum than what they were taught to present to the world.”

“Really?”

“Well it’s not common but it’s certainly a phenomenon in the Transgendered community.”

“You seem to know a lot about trans issues.”

“Well you’re hardly the only transgendered person in Toronto Madison.”

I blush at that. “I know sorry Kenneth it’s still a revelation for me.”

“I can see that. It suits you, and you haven’t stuttered yet.”

“I know…” I can’t help smiling at that. My stutter was one of the things I hated the most about myself. It feels so good not to anymore.

“Well as to the reasons why I’m here.”

“Darla.”

“Well that’s part of it. But I can handle her. She’s been after your job and research since you went on your leave of absence.”

“I figured that out, she’s still mad I wouldn’t sleep with her.”

“Pardon?!” he says surprised.

“When I first got the lab she wanted to be my assistant and she didn’t understand the work at all and she was rubbing and touching me saying that didn’t matter. I didn’t understand how her lack of knowledge couldn’t matter but I now know she was trying to seduce me.”

“I’ll look into that.”

“She’ll deny it. It will be my word against hers.”

“Still, she has produced some work from the other labs that looked suspect to me where it’s not her specialty.”

“She’s likely trying to ladder climb to get a private industry job.”

Brandy looks at me. “Wait, there’s science types that sleep their way to the top?”

Both Kenneth and I stare at her.

I nod. “Yes hon., if she gets enough of a reputation she’ll be picked up as a corporate department head and she’ll hire really smart people to cherry pick their work from and claim as hers and make money.”

“She’s hot though why not just model or something?”

“A good patent can be worth million, tens of millions even.”

“Oh shit, and she wanted to steal your work?”

“Yes, I think she thought she could use her sexuality to sway me to be her workhorse.”

Brandy get’s really frowny. “Madds? Just how many thinks are you working on?”

“Including just theories?”

“Yeah…”

“Likely a few hundred.”

“Wha….” Her jaw drops but Kenneth just nods and says. “Miss, Madison is a genius but like most people that are in R&D we’re like writers full of ideas and things we are working on and always will be. I’ve got a score or more of my own side projects going too that’d see more time if I wasn’t in administration.”

I nod emphatically. “Some might never get done but that’s like it is really.”

“I think that’s what she was after.” Brandy says looking angry.

“I’m not following honey.”

“I think she got those guys to beat you up. She was at the mixer right?”

“Yes….”

“So she drugged you there and let them do her dirty work.”

“We can’t prove it.”

“No…but we can talk to Tayo and he’ll have an idea of what guys maybe to look for.”

I look at Kenneth. He looks unhappy. “If she did this we’ll need proof, but if this Tayo?”

“Oh the investigating detective.”

“If this Tayo does find these guys and they talk then she’s out of here.”

Brandy looks at him. “You really don’t like her much do you.”

“She’s one of those headaches I inherited from the last director. Always at my office about someone who wronged her or something she wants. Plus she’s a bit of a racist.”

“I noticed…” Brandy say’s hugging herself looking a bit angry.

“Oh she only insinu-sults enough not to be dinged for actually saying the horrible things that she implies.”

“Yes, she insulted Brandy’s character and how smart she is based on her ethnic and her gender. I had to…I got angry and banned her from my lab.” I slip over to hold her.

“And that I can uphold at least. If she makes you that uncomfortable at least especially since she has nothing to do with your projects.”

“Good, thank you Kenneth.”

“That’s not a problem but I wanted to go over the project notes you sent me because I might have to go to Vancouver to go over it with the engineers for the company.”

He looks stressed.

“And you need to learn the material.”

“Yes and you were rather extensive again.”

“I’ll go.”

“You’ll go? You don’t travel or do well in meetings.”

“I’ll go, if I can take Brandy with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, well not about flying but I think with Brandy I’ll be okay.”

“Planes are safer than cars honey.” Brandy says.

“Yes but I’ve never flown so I don’t know how I’ll react.”

“Okay she can go, and since she’ll be helping I’ll get her on file.”

“HR has her stuff for her pass.”

“Great, can you be there for Monday?”

“Get us ca flight for Friday yes.”

“Alright then I’ll contact you with everything.” He shakes our hands like we’re the women we are and kisses my cheek politely. “Welcome aboard Madison.” He leaves and he’s not gone long before I hear Darla yelling at him in the distance.

“So…” I look at Brandy. “How would you like to spend the weekend in Vancouver?”

She hugs me and kisses me. “I’d love too! I’ve never actually been there before and I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Good, you might earn it though. I’m already nervous.”

“I’ll be there honey.”

“Will Kevin be good with you not dancing?”

“He’ll have to be. I wasn’t going to do that forever.”

“You couldn’t…oh…”

“Yeah, oh…I want more from myself Maddy especially since we’ve gotten closer and closer.”

“Me too, you open things in myself that were locked, blocked away.”

“Like air travel?”

“Yes, like travel period. You know I have an ulterior motive?”

“Oh?”

“I want to see you in a nice hotel, and out just shopping…I want to see your face when it lights up.”

“Madds, you don’t have to treat me fancy and stuff. I’m not like that.”

“I know but Vancouver is a shopping city…I..I want to go too, and I’ve never done these things either, I want to share…I want to share Joy with you.”

She bites her lip and presses against me and we kiss.

“Okay…especially since you say things like that.”

“Like what?”

“I Love You Madison, I really do.” She kisses me again and I’m still a little trying to put it together before I get it…I think. I’m glad she likes me saying the things from my heart. I’m glad the things from my heart don’t chase her away but bring us closer.

I’m glad that she’s mine.

I love her so much more than I thought I could love anything.