Diva Dismayed: Chapter 27 – Matchmaking

The following week I tried to distance myself from Alice. I knew I ought to prevent our intimacy developing further if I could. However, her continual expressions of friendship undid my resolve. I hadn’t the heart to be cold when she so clearly placed unqualified trust in me. My underlying anxiety didn’t diminish, all the same. After the girl started her period on time, and as I’d predicted, it seemed as if I could do no wrong in her eyes. Though it was quite an ego boost to bask in smiles of gratitude, I knew they were largely unmerited.

After several days enjoying these signs of affection, I mentioned the matter to Rachel. Her take on it took the wind from my sails completely. “Naturally I can understand why she feels that way about you” she remarked drily. “Who wouldn’t?” When we had done laughing, she continued “But you do see that it isn’t healthy for her, or for you. Besides, you may not be able to get your head through the doorway much longer if things go on the way they are!”

I winced, so she added kindly, “I know you haven’t tried to attract the poor girl physically but now you are aware it’s happened, you really ought to do something about it. See if you can’t deflect her interest in some way.”

Unwelcome as this advice might have been, I recognised its merit. The responsibility for untangling my relationship with Alice clearly lay at my door and I was grateful that I could always rely on Rachel to help me make sense of my complicated life.

Another instance of her being there for me had occurred only a few days before. I was much in need of solace on my return from the last photo session, and I’d sought refuge in her room. Despite the lateness of the hour, her first concern was to sooth my shattered nerves.
Instantly recognising that something wasn’t right, Rachel was all over concern. “Jennifer. What’s the matter? Did anything happen?”

“You could say that.” I began.

“Oh, that man. I knew I shouldn’t have let you go in there alone. He made a pass at you. Yes?”

I knew I had to come clean. “No. It was the other way around. I wanted him to make a pass at me, kind of, and fortunately for me he didn’t!” Shamefacedly I gave my friend the full details.

“Once we’d finished shooting, we were hanging around waiting for Pete to come back to sign it off. I needed her to give me a ride home too. To fill in the time Walt suggested I might try on one of Fiona’s outfits.”

“One of those burlesque get-ups? Tell me you didn’t!”

I hung my head. “Actually, I did. He was quite persuasive, pointing out that if I wanted plenty of work, I needed to broaden my range a little. I thought it would be okay as Pete would be bound to turn up sooner than later and I was already wearing what felt like practically nothing.”
“I guess I was curious to know what it would be like, too” I confessed miserably. “Sorry.”

Rachel put her arm around my shoulders. “Go on.”

“Well, I’d said he could take some instant photos but no film. When I’d done posing, he showed me the snaps and was really enthusiastic, telling me I looked ‘real swell’, whatever that meant! But when I saw them, I knew it just wasn’t me. Look, I brought some back for you to see.”

My friend examined them, wide-eyed. “Oh Jennifer!”

“I know!”

I screwed up my courage to tell her the rest. “Walt was pretty disappointed when I wouldn’t change my mind about letting him take real photographs. He started banging about putting his equipment away, but I stuck to my guns.”

“Good for you!”

“Yes, but this is what I’m not proud of. Something in me didn’t want things to end there. I had to get changed again and although I knew it was a stupid idea, I asked him to unlace the corset. I could have managed by myself, of course, but I made him do it. It was crazy of me.”
Rachel didn’t say anything but squeezed me tighter.

“Anyway, he did it and that was that. I’d gotten so wound up I was almost trembling, wondering when something would happen. But it didn’t. He just went back to putting his stuff away. Then Pete walked in and that was that.”

Rachel didn’t say anything, so I ploughed on.

“Well, on the ride home she was full of the success of the shoot and started predicting where my career might lead. She said I can officially call myself a model now. I had trouble joining in with any enthusiasm and she noticed. She seemed to think my mood was caused by her lateness and she kept apologising for that. Apparently, the delay was caused by her partner. Apparently, ‘Fifi was in a tricky mood’. Pete had spent the time reassuring her. It seems that Fiona might see me as a potential threat of some kind! Can you believe that?”

“Actually, yes I can.”

“Anyway, I said it wasn’t a problem, so she wanted to know if I was okay with Walt photographing me. I told her yes, but that I felt a little bit vulnerable too. She said that there was really no need for me to worry. Apparently, she has given the guy work for years and he’s never crossed the line once. She reckoned that deep down he was actually scared of women.”

“That’s a mercy!”

“But Rachel, I just don’t understand myself. I find that man seedy, almost repulsive, yet I was virtually willing the guy to hit on me. When nothing happened, I felt relieved of course but dissatisfied too. I’m a mess!”

Silently my friend led me over to her dresser. She removed my wig and brushed out my own locks. Then she took out the hair curlers. My hair had been flattened by the wig and I would need to sleep in them to restore its curl for the morning.

Hesitantly, she gave me her take on my behaviour. “I’m no expert but if you want my opinion then it’s this. You had been cooped up with a strange man in an intimate a situation. You’d been wearing very little all evening and you were half-expecting him to hit on you. Then when he didn’t it felt like a rejection. That was why you found yourself disappointed. There’s a lesson for you there and I can’t say it too often. Self-control. If you go with one of those mad impulses of yours, it’s almost always going to be the wrong choice.”

My rueful expression made her laugh.
“You need to keep in mind that you make a very attractive young woman, and your looks give you power over men. But you have to use it wisely. That power can so easily turn into a weakness if you don’t keep your feelings in check.” She shook her head at me. “I know you will learn one day. I just hope it doesn’t prove to be the hard way!”

As I started to remove my make-up, I hoped so too.

“Anyway. Let me see those snaps again. Mmm, I have to admit, you look ‘somethin’ else’ in these, sweetie! Let’s go to bed.”
Over the next days, cudgel my brains as I might, it was hard to come up with any plan that might deflect Alice’s feelings towards myself. It was by chance that the germ of an idea took root in my brain. I’d bumped into Harvey at the foot of one of the flights of stairs and after exchanging greetings he asked how my course was going.

“Oh, it’s really good, thanks. There’s a lot of memory work, but the amazing thing is that I seem to be managing to keep on top of it. I can’t be as dumb as I look” I joked.

“You’ve never looked at all dumb to me.”

This was embarrassing. I hadn’t been fishing for compliments. I tried to pass his remark off lightly. “You wouldn’t say that if you had seen my grades in high school.” Just then my fellow student appeared descending the flight.

“Hi Alice, dear” I called, glad to be able to change the direction of the conversation.
Her face lit up on being so greeted, and then seeing who I was with, her attention was immediately diverted. Her manner became coy.

I regarded my two companions appraisingly as they chatted together. Their conversation was so stilted it made me wonder why that might be. If I was reading their body language correctly, then there was some kind of chemistry going on, mainly in Alice. Here was a possible solution.

That evening I broached the topic with Rachel. “This Saturday evening you are on shift?”

“I know. I tried to change it so we might have a night out but couldn’t find anyone to swap with. It’s tiresome.”

“Would you mind very much if I went out anyway, but with Alice. I’ve been wondering whether it might provide an opportunity for her to hook up with someone. What do you reckon?”

“Hmm. It sounds a bit of a long shot to me.”

“Well.” I approached what might be a sensitive area with caution. “I was thinking of asking Harvey to come with us. I was hoping that he and she might hit it off.” I paused. Rachel was frowning. I was aware that I’d touched a nerve. However, after hesitating a moment, she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

“It’s within the bounds of possibility, I guess, and they would make a nice couple. So, yes, give it a go, by all means, but you must tell me every detail afterwards. I’ll be dying to hear all about how your protégés fare!”

With Rachel’s blessing thus received, I had only to reconcile my own feelings to the idea. Harvey and I got on like a house on fire, and to allow our relationship to be superseded by one with someone else went against the grain. Of course, that might have been why Rachel wasn’t so keen on my seeing too much of him. However, I told myself that sacrifices must be endured if everyone was to be made happy. A cooler friendship with the good-looking guy would have to be enough for me.

I took the next opportunity to invite Alice to come out with me. It turned out to be during another of those awkward conversations that enlivened our walks home.

“Jennifer. You know Della on the floor above us?” the girl began. “I think she might be a…” she glanced from side to side as if to ensure we weren’t overheard, although there was no-one remotely within earshot, “a… a lesbian.”

I tried as hard as I could not to smile. “Really? Why do you think so?”

“Because she keeps getting too close to me, and touching my arm, and stuff. It’s creepy. Haven’t you felt the same?”

I nodded. I knew what she meant.

“I don’t like it.”

“No. I wouldn’t have expected you to.”

“That’s surprising.” She hesitated, then continued “because I’ve been wondering if I’m one too.”
“
What?” I gasped. “Why would you imagine so?” To me, her evident interest in the male sex had been clearly established weeks ago.
Alice fell silent. I racked my brain to try and guess what could be confusing her. I was completely at a loss.

In the end, the older girl brought herself to speak. “It was when you hugged me. The time when I was worried about being pregnant.”

Oh no! I remembered the embrace vividly.

“I’ve never felt like that before. It was somehow different, like I was attracted, and I thought I must be… you know… for it to be that way.”

This was a disaster. I could guess the real reason for her confusion. The embrace had prompted stirrings within me as well. How could I straighten her out without disclosing the truth about of my actual gender? That secret was one which I wanted to let as few people in on as possible. Thinking hard I came up with a solution.

“You must remember, Alice, how upset you were on that occasion. That must have been why you felt so strange when we held each other. In any case there’s a surer way of telling. What if you had the prospect of a date with a boy?”

“A boy? What boy?” The girl’s attention was caught immediately.

“I can see you’re interested straight-away. One who was good-looking, and kind and thoughtful too.”

“I don’t know any boys like that” she said sadly.

“Actually, you do.”

“Who?”

“You know one who is just like that. Harvey! From the way that you and he were chatting the other day, I think he likes you...”

She coloured up immediately.

“…and you him! Also, I believe he’s currently unattached. What say we three go out on Saturday?”

“That would be wonderful.” She glowed with delight at the thought. “But I’m hopeless on dates. I never know what to say, and what would I wear?”

“Leave all that to me. You’re going to be stunning, trust me!”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Now there were only a couple of problems remaining for me to deal with. One was to turn my protégé into a princess in three days. That didn’t sound beyond the bounds of possibility. The other one was trickier. I needed to ask Harvey to go out with us, without it becoming a date.
Not again!