My Father and I had gotten along the past week, but when he stood up to speak; it sent fear jolting through my body.

He began to speak, “If this happens, I will be losing my son forever. I don’t think people realize what this means to me. I have worked hard to accomplish all that I have. All I hoped was my son, if not in medicine, would carry on my legacy and name is some way. I have grown and changed my thinking; realizing that Sonja may be the one to do that.”

“Robert was intelligent and capable of making great accomplishments, but Rose has shown she can be swung by emotions. It is not that I would love her less than Robert.”

“It is not that I will block him being seen as transgender and as Rose destined someday to embrace her female identity. I am hurt that it has hurt my image as a respected doctor in our community.” With that, my father sat down.

Dr. Arnold said, “The people who are negative toward your daughter Rose, may be judging you as they do her. I believe, however, as you allow your daughter to move forward and you show support toward her. Your status as a doctor and a father will also rise with even more people.”

My Father responded, “It might be wishful thinking, but that is what I’m hoping. Other than you trusted few, I hope others will never know my hurt. Christine and I give our consent and support to Rose continuing during high school.”

My doctors were pleased to get their consent fully down in any and all documents needed. Mom had seen to it before that the school officials were planning on me to attend as Rose.

Dr. Holly Campbell took me aside encouraged me, “You should arrange to come to the clinic and one last time to give some sperm to be saved for the future.”

Taking it wrong, I gruffly said, “So you’re expecting me to change my mind sometime in the future?”

Dr. Holly understood my confusion, “Oh no. If you would continue to find yourself attracted to women. A special person in the future may want to use your sperm, so the two of you can have children.”

The school year was off to a good start. I was doing well in my classes and continued to find acceptance from most of my classmates. Most teachers and staff were accepting and encouraging. Ms. Hughes said, “It is easy to like a good student.”

It was the end of September when my father stayed home sick. I had things I could be doing. However, my mother requested I go home and check on my dad. Tuesdays through Thursdays were busy and demanding of her work at the community college.

I called out as I came through the door that I was home. There was no response, but that was common for me with my dad. I had hoped I could officially check on him and make a quick change of clothes as I planned to see Therese playing volleyball. Instead, I heard a thump come from my father’s study.

Once there I knocked and paused for an invitation to go in, but all I heard was a moan. Seeing that as normal for him in responding to me, I slowly opened the door and poked in my head. He wasn’t at his desk. Then my eyes went to movement on the floor at the side of the desk. “Dad are you alright?” The droopy left side of his smile indicated what happened. “Dad, I’m here, you’ll be alright.”

I quickly called 911e and requested the help I knew would soon be coming. Hopefully, I was talking calmly to my Dad for I felt very anxious inside. I did like that he recognized me and while I didn’t understand all he said, it seemed like he was thinking.

I called Mom and she was teaching but would dismiss her class at college.

I knew Mr. Dietz and Karen Hart the first EMT people through the door to help my Dad. They had Dad on a stretcher by the time Mommy was there. Mom asked if I called any of my sisters. Then told me that I should have waited.

I called Shannon and she said she would call and pickup Sonja. I text Sierra as she is notorious about not answering her phone.

It was three hours later at the hospital that Dad was up in a private room. He was lightly sedated and it would be morning before they’d have a better idea on how severe the stroke was. Sierra was the first there and Shannon and Sonja were there in the evening.

The initial assessment was the stroke was moderate, but it would take time for him to recover. Dad wouldn’t like it at first, but I, not my sisters, would be the one to help Mom and a care person to help him at home. I was pretty sure my help would annoy him.

If you could consider any stroke lucky, Dad was. His left side was affected, and he was right-handed. His mind was sharper than his speech, but they said his speech should recover well in time. Both his speech and motor skills would need therapy at least into the immediate future. The ability and strength of his left arm and hand were most disturbing to Dad. His leg began responding to therapy even while he was in the hospital, but he still needed a walker to keep him stable.

It was the second Thursday that Dad was home when he had an accident and lost control of his bowels. The Aid helping at home had left and Mom wasn’t due home for over an hour.

It would take a good ten days of my Dad being home before he accepted me as Rose helping him. I had been helping him from day one when he came home. He didn’t want to wait, nor did he want me calling his mother, my grandmother.

I thought it was funny that he had trouble with me helping. After all, I had been a boy and still had all my male parts.

I had got him onto a chair in his walk-in shower. I had changed into shorts and an old t-shirt. It was messy and quite unpleasant. I didn’t know how things could cakes so quickly or manage to get into every crevice and fold possible. While I dried his backside, I was more than willing to allow him to dry as much as he could.

We were about done when Dad asked, “Is it alright if you get things cleaned up in time that we don’t tell others what happened?”

Because he had a change of clothes and a few things mom would notice. We agreed to him having a small accident and a shower that he needed minimal help with. But it was ironic it took such an event to break the coldness of our relationship and my helping him.

It meant I had to work extra hard and quickly to clean up the shower and the chair where he had been sitting. I also did away with much of the evidence by washing clothes.

Mom was sure more had happened, but knew enough not to push for the full story.

Mid-October was the first that our Destroyer cheer team could officially begin our workouts. Going to school early and practicing as a cheerleader was one of my saving graces in keeping my sanity.

While things had improved by November; Dad’s recovering from a stroke was still demanding. A year ago maintain B’s would have made me happy. Now there were three classes I want to get A’s and they were in doubt.

I missed two times of rendezvousing with crew members from the USS Cook. That Kayla Bowen and several other crew members transferred or were promoted, served notice that the Navy like school has changes and turnover.

I was looking forward to being a cheerleader, but the communication I had with the ship was now Jayne’s responsibility. I had Debra Triens, Kent Fox and Jennifer Fields that I kept communications with. I had hoped to help Jaylene Fox with little Heather, and baby Emma more regularly. That was one of many changes hindered with Dad’s recovery.

Tyree Robins was a new crew member that I was surprised to become a friend. She was from Philadelphia and knew some of the families of the boys who were cross-dressing or transgender. I wondered if there were other reasons for her identifying with me, but it seemed it was just that she had a big caring heart.

The Lady Destroyers basketball team was highly rated this year, but another perfect season was not expected. One, they wouldn’t be a surprise to any opponent. While they had a slew of good shooters, they did not yet have the chemistry needed for a top defensive team.

I would miss sitting at the end of the bench of Coach Daley’s team. We continue to be friends but not as close.

Something was making some of the routines and gymnastics more work this year. Finally, Therese took me aside and showed me some pictures during lunch. Therese finally pointed out the obvious. “Rose your hips and breasts are making you a girl. Your center of gravity is changing and your breasts are changing your arm movements.”

It was Thanksgiving and our family was to be together for most of the week. My sisters decided to say something disparaging about me around my Father to see what he’d say. Sierra was the one selected and she said it at the dinner table on Wednesday evening. “Dad, I am glad to see the progress you are making. It must have been hard having Rose be one of those helping you?”

Without hesitation Dad barked back at her, “I hope you’re joking. She has been a bit of a godsend. Don’t think you could have done any better. She saved the butts of the three of you. You would have had to take a semester off. She has helped me, gone to school and kept her grades up. She even disciplined her time on her smartphone with friends.”

Sierra acknowledged, “Yes, I was teasing. I wanted to see what you’d say. I know it wouldn’t be easy for you to allow anyone to help you. She, you and Mom have done quite well.”

Dad asked, “Have the three of you, told her how you appreciate all she’s done?” There was a pause as my sisters were not expecting his question. “Well, I guess not,” he said.

Thanksgiving day, my sisters decided to be the ones help our Mom with dinner. The truth was that I had come to enjoy helping around the kitchen and working with my Mom. Today it was double the fun as I got to visit with my sisters as well.

We again had Jaylene and the little Fox girls over for the holiday dinner. Shannon asked, “Rose do you see how having a little more hip helps in carrying Heather?” I didn’t think the change had made a difference, though I was carrying her and little Marie down the street like that more.

“The change of my body is not that great, it is just enough to interfere and make cheering harder. Saturday the basketball team is taking part in a metro exhibition tournament. Our team will play three different teams for one quarter each. You can come and see me make my debut as a full-fledged cheerleader.”

Sierra tried to say she had a conflict, but our Father spoke up. “I’m going, so you can go as well.”

Jaylene asked, “Will you understand if I just come for one or two of those games?”

I was at one point, holding little Emma and Heather remarked. “That’s funny, she thinks you might be a mommy.” I knew I felt sad but didn’t think it had shown.

Jaylene said, “She didn’t mean anything bad about it. I guess it is too big of a change, I’m sorry.”

I said, “No. That’s not it. The problem is, I will never change enough to be a real woman.”

Mom said, “You are amazingly real as a woman, don’t discount yourself like that. There are plenty of women who won’t or can’t have a baby. They are not any less of a woman. You’ve said at least three times that I know of, that you’re going forward as Rose and no turning back. You sounded positive about who you are.”

A discussion ensued, And even Jaylene shared, “You have a neat way with babies and young children. You have gotten three of us young moms that I know of to believe you understand us.”

Sonja said, “I bet there are quite a few students who now only see you like another girl at school.”

With Therese’s Volleyball season over, she turned her attention to her studies as well as her social life. I was actually a part of both. Therese had taken raising my grades on as part of her assignment. She justified it, “I’m wanting to be an instructor. Tutoring you will be one of my projects.”

While I had already done some shopping online, I was excited about my first Black Friday. We weren’t going out Thursday night. My sisters and I were to one store by 6:00 a.m. to hurry and get the things we wanted. Shannon was the first to find her things and get in the checkout line.

I had checked with Anne’s mom because Anne was sick. I knew an outfit she wanted so it would now be my gift to her to get it. Sierra had shown me a smartwatch she wanted, but other than being jealous I didn’t understand why she asked my opinion about it. I certainly couldn’t afford to get it for her. Therese knew I liked them but, we weren’t getting expensive gifts for each other.

Mom had given me permission to get one nice dress or outfit for myself to begin the holidays. I was able to get a few of the things I hoped to buy, plus I found some bargains that I wasn’t planning on. Come, 9:00 I was done shopping with my sisters.

I went shopping for a few hours with Anne, Erin, and Therese, but that was short as Erin had basketball practice and Anne and I had our session as the cheer team. We had eight cheers ready to begin the season. Sharon, a senior this year was the lead captain and Jessica Richards as a junior was the other captain. Jessica was a very athletic and the quiz essential cheerleader in meeting the public. But it was Sharon and me that were depended on for the tough gymnastic moves in our routines. The hard part this early in the season was to be in sync with one another.

Coach House said we were trying too hard at practice. Sharon and I knew it meant we were well off the mark Coach had set for us. Sharon told me, “Come the first official game, you will be keying off of me. Tomorrow, because I can adjust better, I will key off of you for our first set of flips and where we use the springboard to jump over the others.

I was surprised when I was getting ready for the exhibition games that Dad was up and dressed with our school colors. He said he had one of the promotion shirts from our school. There were shirts celebrating being a basketball player’s parent or for being a cheerleader’s parent. The shirts for a cheerleader’s parent were usually worn only by the moms. I was happy he planned what he would do.

Sierra, like Jaylene Fox, wouldn’t be staying around for all the contests, but it was more than she had first planned. With each of the first two exhibition games, I was overwhelmed with the praise I was getting from family and friends. Seemingly, Sharon and I looked very good not only as cheerleaders but in our two special flips and jumps.

While there was officially no scores being kept, Kaylea and Trisha were hot in their play and basically scored at will. Kaylea’s one shot back at least ten feet from the three-point line drew applause from almost everyone in the arena.

Tiffany Streep, whom I met the year before in the Brunswick hospital, and her half-year-old daughter Megan said hello to me at the tournament. Tiffany was there cheering on the team from her school but went out of her way to greet me. I had only babysat Megan twice, because of my summer activities and then my father’s stroke. I wanted to think Megan knew me, but I knew better despite her smiling at me.

Our school also had a float in Brunswick’s Holiday Festival of Lights Parade. Our float celebrated the girls’ basketball championship. The basketball players, Dort and the Cheer Captains were on the float. I and the rest of the cheer team were walking next to the float waving Pom Poms. I became exhausted and cold once the sun went down.

It was neat to see Jayne’s twist on being Dort. She was a more feminine sailor mascot. She could bark out orders, and a moment later is so sweet I felt her makeup would drip sugar. She had introduced the use of a sailor boy that she’d tease because he came to see girls play basketball. He correctly said at the tournament that he found watching the women athletes much more attractive.

Coach House was actually encouraging football and cross country guys to come to our games. We had a better balance of fans and everyone was working to keep it that way.

I felt good that my Dad had come to the tournament, but Sierra had taken him home early as he was still tired sooner than usual.

While my Father and I were getting along better; he had not completely changed. Especially when he was tired, he would get short with me. He said he didn’t like being helped, but he stilled liked drawing attention to himself, even if it was only for someone’s praise and sympathy.

I wasn’t supposed to know, but when he went to church he didn’t want me to be with him. This week with my sisters around; he pushed me to go to church with Therese or Anne. Anne and I went to church with Therese.

Later, I ended the night over at Jaylene Fox’s. An early snowstorm blew in that afternoon and the power at their house flickered on and off for short times. They had a fireplace, but this was the first time they would use it. I had grown up using our fireplace, so I was elected to stay over at Jaylene’s to help keep the fire burning. Heather and I camped out in their living room.

I would have been late in getting to the school in the morning. But with three inches of snow on the ground, the school was canceled. I cooked bacon, eggs, and toast for the morning breakfast. Jaylene’s gracious thank yous helped me to see that she was like a single parent while Kent was back out on an extended cruise.

Mom and I, however, were able to get to my afternoon appointments with doctors Caruthers and Holly Campbell. I had to have blood drawn for labs. My weight had gone up one pound and I was a half inch taller since they measured me in July. We had small salads for lunch as we’d pick up Sierra at the university and go to dinner.

Holly verified that I had effectively stopped producing testosterone like a boy. My female hormones production had grown slightly, but not so I could stop the hormone therapy that I was on. Holly said, “While your breasts are growing, I don’t want you to think you will be quite like your mother or sisters. If that were to happen, let it be a welcomed surprise.”

She asked me to show her if I remembered how to check my breasts for lumps that could be cancerous.

Mom asked, “Might her breasts be smaller now, because of cheerleading and how hard she’s working her body?”

Dr. Campbell said, “I guess it is possible but there are no studies that show that for transgendered girls.” Dr. Campbell asked and was surprised to learn I had ninety minutes of practice on days we did not have a game. I usually ran another half mile or more a day to keep up my stamina.

Dr. Caruthers visited with me some forty minutes before she asked if it was okay for her to invite my mother in to talk about my hormone therapy as well as how I was doing related to depression/anxiety. She said, “Rose and Mrs. Anderson, I want to commend you on how well Rose is doing? Do either of you have a thought as to why Rose is doing so well?”

Mom and I looked at each other not sure what the other was thinking, though both of us wanted to say something. I let my Mom go first. “Rose’s Dad had a stroke and Rose as well as I have taken up part of the burden of being there for him. He’s not only doing well, but he has also come to accept and even praise her more.”

Caruthers asked, “So does that mean you two are doing really well now?”

Mom and I looked at each other and then I spoke. “We’re doing better. Really well? I hope down the road we’ll do even better. I am sure there are issues there that I need to deal with. Humph… I feel good about being there for him and how far we’ve come.”

Caruthers, “It sounds like you have gone from being a boy to a girl, who is now becoming as a woman.” Mom patted my hand. It was an affirmation and I felt good.

It was nice, in a new way, to have dinner with Sierra near her university. We talked little about Dad; more as three women. It felt good being able to be an adult with my Mom. We didn’t mention it with Dr. Caruthers, but my wellbeing has been impacted with Mom and I doing better.

We walk up to Sierra’s apartment and her housemate Toni recognized me from a picture Sierra has. “Well, I guess it is true that you are blossoming into being a woman. What motivated you to become a woman?”

I thought it was an interesting question and I thought before I answered. “I’m not sure, but once things started; it was like I was embracing who I really am. Being a cheerleader is something I never imagined. Having Sierra and my other sisters were actually something I had imagined. But I never had realistic thoughts this is me until I began to find I am more Rose than Rob.”

There are five people living in the apartment house that Sierra lives. Before we left we were in a group of four of them, my mom and me. It was kind of amusing because Sierra wanted to surprise me with a jersey from the Rutgers women’s basketball team. The visit which was so good just happened.

On our way home, Mom says, “I find it interesting on how others open up to you and see you as just another woman.”

“Thanks, Mom. I think it’s the kind of people Sierra attracts. Sierra has something special that attracts them. They were really open tonight.”

That night and the coming few days I became more introspective. That night, I did a little self-exploring about my changing body. When I was at Therese’s and I found myself lucky to have her as my girlfriend. Anne is the one who amazes me the most. How did I get a friend so precious? Both Anne and Therese are so supportive of me making a constructive transition.

I, on the other hand, have wanted both as Rose and Rob to have made out passionately with either one. It wasn’t just about sex, but a fear of losing either one. Deep down, I am surprised that people love/care about me…

To be continued…