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This entry is inspired by LittleKatie's entry Monstrosity.
What I'm going to do here is take us all on a short photographical journey down memory lane, presenting - though old photographs - the path of destruction I'd been on before finally facing myself. I'm going to start in High School, since that's really where things started to escalate.
High School Junior:
High School around graduation time:
Just before leaving for Uni:
Just before getting kicked out of Uni because of my worst depression to date:
In all but the last picture you can't really see how I've always been overweight. I've always worn my weight distributed almost evenly throughout my entire body, with just enough concentration in just the right spots...
In the last picture... Well, I was heading into a VERY serious depression at the time, as I've said many times, my worst one. Didn't help at all having to share an apartment with 5 boys who I couldn't relate to socially at the level they expected of me. Towards the end of my stay out in Rexburg, I spent whatever time I managed to be awake hanging out with my "sisters" at their apartment, and the rest sleeping. I didn't attend classes. I occasionally finished assignments, but mostly didn't... I did manage to fulfill my church responsibilities... Barely.
At the time, it must have been glaringly obvious to everyone around me what was happening... Of course, they couldn't have understood why any better than I did at the time. I was on a path of assured self-destruction. It may not have been sudden, intentional, physical suicide, but it was an emotional one that was sure and steady. Eventually, that path would have led to me simply not waking up one day. Ever again.
Forever and always,
Abigail Drew.
Comments
Well, what are they gonna do with you?
From what I can tell, there are some who want redress of these situations because they impact members of their own family. You just can't keep excommunicating people and not have anyone object. I think they are a little smarter than the average bunch and in time, I hope that they will begin to see these situations differently.
So far, they have been remarkably kind to me, and I have been urged by other members who have family members in the um "forbidden" category who are suffering to keep meeting, being sweet, and letting them see who I am.
They were all prepared for someone else, but according to the members who urge me on, not someone like me. I am not as good a fighter as some think and even if I lose, I hope that their experience with me makes them think. If they are the people they say they are, in time we will win.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
Thank you, Gwen.
I do appreciate what you're doing out there. Although our situations are slightly different, I'm a current member, just beginning transition - so far unassisted, but that ain't stopping me, and looking at that last picture, I think you can see why... Still, your just being there. Talking to them. Letting them see what we go through first hand. It makes a difference. It puts them in a position for the spirit to act upon them and move them to Charity.
You're an investigator still, as far as I know... As someone outside the organization you have nothing to lose in showing your all to them, and, potentially, everything to gain.
Me, I have everything to lose, and only peace within myself to gain.
Abigail Drew.
Abigail Drew.
Dear Abbie,
Sorry about that, I couldn't resist.
I would rather see recent pics of you and your admirable new body!
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Eventually...
I'm not happy enough with it yet to do that though. I still need to lose a little more weight - but only a little, 10 pounds or so, maybe. I still need to get rid of a ton of body and facial hair. I still need to let my eyebrows finish growing back in and then start waxing and shaping them... I don't have enough hip yet...
Ah, but I know, I know, I'm a girl, I'll never be completely happy with my body.
Anyhoo, why'd you feel you had to apologize for "Dear Abbie"? Seemed like the best way to title a reply to this blog entry to me. ;P
Thanks,
Your "dear"
Abigail Drew.
Abigail Drew.