(aka Bike) Part 1044 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
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Why do I find it unnerving to see my son wearing lip gloss and a dress—both of which I bought him? I’m beginning to understand what my parents must have gone through and other friends and relatives when I changed my lifestyle.
Okay, I should be sympathetic because I desired it for myself when I was in that same situation, but it feels really funny to have the boot on the other foot. If that’s what Billie ultimately wants, to live as a girl, then I’ll accept and cope with it, and possibly it’s just the novelty that’s the problem.
With Trish and Julie, it was different—I didn’t know them as boys, so I had no great change to make in my attitude; their changeover was more of an intellectual thing for me, the emotional stuff came later as I got to know and love them. With Billie, I loved him as a boy so I have to make change in my perceptions, although I still have her as my child and therefore I will love her, full stop. I suppose it’s a bit like sending a kid to uni and helping them get a good degree in something or other and then watch them throw it all away because they want to be a pop singer or an actor.
If it’s truly what they want, then you have to let them do it and still love them—I don’t know which is the harder bit. When they start dating or settle down with someone, what if I don’t get on with their most loved? Oh dear, what a horrible thought.
It was Friday and I’d just returned from taking Julie to work and the three mouseketeers to school, Billie was still off while I worked out what to do next. We had an appointment with Stephanie at ten, so Billie had spent most of the morning pestering Stella to help her look just so. She certainly looked very presentable—though I’m not sure what I think of nine year olds wearing lip gloss: but then, the other week I saw a girl who couldn’t have been more than about eight wearing more makeup than a pantomine dame and higher heels, whilst her skirt only just covered her knickers. In a couple of years, if she continued like that she’d be jail bait. That was something I was determined to prevent in my children—although Julie and I had the most awful rows, usually commencing with me saying, “You’re not going out like that.”
Her defensive questioning, “Why not?”
And my illogical riposte, “I’m your mother, that’s why!”
I know she wondered about, “No you’re not,” but thought better of it.
How do I know this? It happened at breakfast this morning. She wore a vest thing which kept falling off her shoulders and a mini skirt which showed her panties when she moved. In the end we compromised, she changed into her shorts with leggings—the footless ones, and I let her keep the vest on. If her boob enhancers show or fall out while she’s washing someone’s hair...oh well.
Before I could contemplate facing the traffic again, I needed a cuppa which my newest daughter made for me, while I changed into something a bit tidier—I promised I take Billie out for lunch—only to somewhere like Morrison’s café, if she behaved with Stephanie and answered her questions honestly.
This was the first appointment I’d been able to get with the good doctor since the pills episode. We still don’t know what happened, and our main hope is that Stephanie would get to the bottom of it.
I changed into a dress, a bit more elegant than Billie’s and also threw on some make up and jewellery. “Can I spend some of my money and buy myself a girl’s watch, Mummy?”
“Yes, providing you only buy an inexpensive one for the moment.”
“Can I go to the same school as Trish, in September?”
“I think we need to see about that a bit later. If it becomes necessary, then I think Sister Maria would be sympathetic to the idea. It’s what we do in the interim that matters most for the moment.”
“You’re not gonna send me back to school with boys, are you, Mummy?”
“Shall we wait and see what Dr Stephanie recommends?”
“She won’t send me back will she?”
“Billie, calm down—no one is going to do anything until you’ve seen her, and then her advice I discuss it with Daddy. Then we discuss it with you and perhaps even the others—after all, whatever happens has some impact upon the others, even if you went back to being a boy tomorrow, it has some affect upon Danny and Livvie and Meems and Trish. It also has an affect upon us adults too.”
“Grown ups just want everythin’ their own way,” she pouted and ran off upstairs. Stella intercepted and waved me away. I glanced at my watch, it was half past nine.
“Tell the drama queen we have to be at the doctor’s in less than half an hour, so she’d better get her bum down here now.”
“Or what?” Stella challenged me.
“Stella, please don’t interfere, without Stephanie’s agreement, she will be removed from here by social services, and then what will happen?”
“Okay, I’ll send her down asap.”
“If it’s longer than ten minutes, she loses out on her lunch.” I felt irritated and I wasn’t sure why? Maybe I’m grieving for the loss of my son? Or is it just that this is slipping out of my control and I’m a self confessed control freak? At least I’m aware that I have a problem—yeah, me of all people.
Billie came downstairs with Stella. “No more bullying, missus,” cautioned Stella.
I glowered at her.
“It’s a red card next time.”
“What are you on about? I haven’t bullied anyone—I’m just forceful, because we have an appointment we need to keep and I refuse to let the animals run the zoo. Someone has to take charge.”
“Bossy boots,” snapped Stella.
“That’s me—c’mon, missy or we’ll be late.”
We drove most of the way in relative silence, then Billie said, “You don’t want me to be a girl, do you?”
“What I want is of little consequence. If it’s what you need to do—in which case you can count on my full support and all those of the family.”
“It is, Mummy, I absolutely need to be a girl.”
“If Dr Stephanie agrees—and that won’t be today, then I’ll do all I can to help you.”
“What if Dr Stephanie says no?”
“I’d prefer not to think about that until it happens, which you assure me won’t. If it’s really what you need to do?”
“Oh it is, Mummy.”
“Okay, sweetheart, but it’s not just me you need to convince is it? Oh and redo your lip gloss, you’ve got some on your nose.”
Comments
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1044
Stephanie needs to see Cathy and Billie, because they both seem to be having issues.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Hooooo Boy!
This one's gonna' run and run.
Billie/y's one determined kid and cathy's got her work cut out.
It says a lot for cathy's household that Billie/y feels free enough to be so open and determined.
I wonder if this thread reflects Angharad's own concerns about possibly being confronted by such a scenario as being a parent with a TG child or is she just making us all pause to reflect. (Okay, I know medical convention believes that TG'ism is not hereditary, - but).
In my more reflective moments I sometimes try to reconcile my mother's reaction/rejection with my own resentments. It's hurtful and confusing.
Still loving it,
Love and hugs.
OXOXOX.
Beverly.
P.S. Enjoy the lakes. Happy biking!
Comfort zone
That might be why so many people have a problem with accepting anyone who's diferent (trans, mentally ill, wheelchair-bound...). They're being dragged kicking and screaming out of their comfort zones and can't deal with it. So they adopt the 'safety' position - deny, deny, but denial isn't a river in Egypt.
Good description of Cathy's and Billie's anxieties.
Susie
The way it's been presented...
I honestly think Billie is transgendered. I also think Cathy has some issues of her own to deal with. I think she liked having sons and to suddenly be confronted with that fact that one of her sons is in fact a daughter has caught her totally on the the back foot and she's reeling.
Now she is forced to confront one of her own core issues and IMO, she isn't dealing with it at all well. It'll be interested to see what direction Angh's twisty mind takes us next!
Abby
the big question
how much is Billie's case distorted by Trish's coaching? maybe Billy was curious how it would be to live as a girl, maybe envious of the attention the girls in the household get, but the bottom line is that Trish is pulling the strings.
she would thoroughly prepare him as to present his case to Cathy and Dr.Stephanie.
More complicated
Life always seems to get more complicated, doesn't it?
Hilltopper
Hilltopper
This could backlash seriously.
I agree with Cathy that she is being coached by Trish. Hopefully, she'll figure that all out before any changes can happen that can not be abandoned.
K
Well with children, everything seems to be now
... and I think Stella seems to share that same trait. She acts childishly, throwing tantrums, failing to live up to responsibilities, resent having somebody who has a sense of responsibility making her feel small because of her lack. She does not want to be reminded she is not Alpha Female and I wonder if there is not a teensy bit of resentment that a former 'man' has more gonads and is twice the woman she is.
Now with regard to the child problem de jure, Billie has the typical mindset thinking that what she wants now is what is definitely what she wants tomorrow. That is of course totally problematic as young children are just not that way. Stephanie hopefully can act as third party and basically arbitrate the situation.
Kim
Dealing with Billie
at the moment is a little like handling a hedgehog.....You do it very carefully.....Sometimes even an honest answer needs to be given with a lot of forethought, Otherwise you get the reaction Cathy did...
Thankfully though for once, Stella was able to calm things down and Mother and new daughter were able to go off to vist Stephanie, And hopefully get find out just what was the real reason behind Billies pill taking episode.
Kirri
Contrasts
I can't help thinking about the way Cathy was treated by her parents when she was younger, and her own efforts to do the right thing(s) for Billie.
Obviously she's questioning her own actions, and trying to come to terms with her feelings, but I think that's a good thing.
A-B: I hope the holiday is going well, and thanks again for today's "fix."
Parental Security
Bike Archive
Bike Resources
Billy
well I'm not changing my mind on Billy - He's a boy with serious issues.
& I'll agree with the others. I see Trisha's handprints all over this, and serious consequences, if we're right
Perhaps,
But in the scheme of things Billie/Billy is healing. This is probably the more important of all the issues. Her sexuality will sort itself out in good time.
I am really curious why the pills were taken. At 9 years old she probably knew what they could do. So why?
Love the last line. Well ,
Love the last line. Well , Cathy is no easier then regular mothers (Cis-women) would be.
That is a surprise for Billie, with Trish and Julie in the same boat.
Cefin