Let me just first say that I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't feel I'm terribly guilty of many of the things on the list.
Sorry for the early break, but this thing is rated Mature-15 for the colorful and rather humorous references the author chose. With that out of the way, I was searching the web (because I couldn't sleep again *sigh*) when I came across this:
A Comprehensive and Totally Universal Listing of
Every Problem a Story Has Ever Had.
It's a cynical, entertaining, and informative look at why 95% of stories are rejected from the Slush Pile, the name publishers use to refer to the massive amount of manuscripts they receive daily.
I suspect someone has sent me this in the past, but I couldn't find it listed anywhere on the site, so I thought I'd bring it to light again. One of my favorite key points is dialogue and pacing, or "cutting out the crap". I know I've talked a lot in the past about trying to clean up the dialogue in my own stories, but it didn't go so well.
Part of the reason for that is because I serialized Book Two of Becoming Robin rather than treating it like a true novel, revising and rewriting, etc. Book One was my first serious attempt at writing that actually got past the first chapter in several years, so I at least have that excuse there, but I still plan to try and 'fix' it at some point too.
Going forward, I want to try and skip anything that's not important to the story and the progression of characters. The trouble is, to an author, our stories, whether a 500 word drabble or a 600+ page series, are our babies. No matter how cute and adorable we think they are, everyone else thinks they're a wrinkly pink lump of flesh that won't stop screaming at the supermarket checkout.
I don't know if I'm ready to subject myself to accepting outside editing yet, but after reading this and taking the advice to heart, I'm beginning to understand the need for an outside perspective (and why it's a job I could never do beyond grammatical correction :-P)
Don't get me wrong; I don't plan to just throw away everything I've worked so hard to write because I'm still, as an author, trying to define my style, but at the same time a lot of these points reinforce things I already knew I didn't like about my writing. It's just a matter of learning how to fix them without making things worse.
*ahem* But enough about me. :-)
Writing errors! Collect the entire set!
Hi, Zoe,
That was a good list, but I'm pretty sure it's not as complete as it pretends; I worked in newspapers for many years and there's a whole 'nuther long list for non-fiction writing that I'm sure has crossover value.
And genre fiction - oh my, but there are all those well-understood cliches, expected twists, comfortable stereotypes and shorthand conventions - all errors of style and form, and yet a story without at least some of these would seem so... wrong! Or would it?
I think I'm gonna print this list out as a poster:
Things to never, ever do.
Again. As often.
Without thinking about it, anyway...
;-)
Michelle
That's perfect
*cackle* I love the comment on Rules of Thumb to that end. "A general rule of thumb is that writers should offer a rude gesture in response to anything offered as a general rule of thumb..."
Personally I've already reworked two chapters of my current project, and I really like the improved flow. I'll have to see what others think once I'm ready for posting, and maybe adjust accordingly from there.
I think that's why I love creative pursuits like writing and music. No matter how much I put into it, I'll never stop learning.
The XXV Commandments of Writing:
With apologies to the original,
Things to never, ever do.
Again. As often.
Without thinking about it, anyway...
I Thou Shalt Not Starteth in the Wrong Place.
II Thou Shalt Not Forsaketh Showing for Telling.
III Thine Characters Shalt Goeth and Speaketh Like They Art Alive,
and Thou Shalt not Forsake Dialogue for Prose.
IV Speaketh Not What Don't Needeth Speaking.
V Living Characters Shalt not Speaketh as the Dead.
VI Likewise, Thine Narrator Must not Speaketh as the Dead.
VII Thine Prose, Thine Characters and Thine Point of View Shalt all Maketh Music.
VIII Thine Point of View Shalt be Consistent Throughout.
IX Thou Shalt not Abuse Thineself in the Second Person.
X Thou Shalt Trust Thine Reader to Posesseth Two Brain Cells.
XI Thou Shalt not doeth Busy Work.
XII Restraineth Long Description where Implication Sufficeth.
XII Spareth the Fat and Reduceth the Wordeth Count.
XIV Thine Creations Liveth Not, said that They Liveth on the Page. Accepteth This.
XV Enougheth with the !!!!
XVI If Thine Story is Small, All the Prose in the Orient Shalt Not Maketh a Novel.
XVII Abuseth Not the Sacred Semicolon.
XVIII If Thine Story is but a Limmerick, Thou Shalt not Bother to Publish.
IXX If Thine Story Hath Nothing Original, Thou Shalt also not Bother to Publish.
XX A Good Villain Hath Value. Ponder Well said Villain's Death.
XXI Thinketh: A Good Character, Villain, Victim or Hero, Evolveth.
XXII Thou Shalt naught Trust thine Spell Checker.
XXIII Thou Shalt Still Useth thine Spell Checker!
XXIV Thine Characters Shalt be Real. Ish.
XXV Thou Shalt not Err.
;-)
Michelle
P.S. It looks great in a Gothic font. (Middle-Ages Gothic, that is)
Ahahahahaha!
I think I loveth thee :-) (Although I initially misread that as "The XXY Commandments of Writing". *wanders off to find the eyeglass cleaner*)
You left out commandment zero
Arrrghhh!
If thou wouldst use King James' English, thou shouldst do so correctly.
Sorry, it's another of my 'button' issues. For those wishing to recreate language from King James I (essentially Shakespearian/Elizabethan English) there are some rules attendant thereto.
1. The 'eth' ending on a verb is a replacement for the letter 's'. If the verb in modern English doesn't have an 's', don't use the 'eth' (or 'th' if the verb ends with a vowel, such as 'does' - 'doth'.) To do otherwise creepeth me out.
2. 'Thine' is a pronoun, read as 'yours'. 'Thy' is an adjective, read as 'your'.
3. 'Thee' (or 'ye') is second person (familiar 'you'), 'thou' ('you') is third person (formal 'you'). Modern English has pretty much thrown out the distinction between the formal and familiar 'you'. Most other languages with Latin roots still maintain the distinction.
(There is a whole story about the letter that was dropped from the English alphabet which occurred with the introduction of movable type. The English alphabet had a letter called the 'thorn' which represented the 'th' sound and looked like a backwards 'y'. Movable type coming from the Continent did not have that letter, so they used the 'y' as a replacement. Over time the thorn was dropped from the language.)
4. Use of the 'st' ending (or the 't' replacing the second 'l' as in 'shalt') is for third person formal situations. Use of the 'contemporary' spelling in such cases is used for second person familiar situations. Use 'Thou shalt' for formal and 'ye shall' for informal.
Whew! Well, I think that takes care of my anal-retention quota for the day. ;-)
Thanks for the list. There are some really good tips in there.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
S'blood! Thou art surpassing observant! And strict!
Forsooth, Janet!
Twixt thorn and run, I hadn't bethought to compare good King James to my doggerel!
And "thouself" soundeth thilly!
;-)
Michelle
and P.S. I just thought of it: there's no Roman numeral zero :-(
And what, may I ask....
...is so bad about doggerel? But soft, what light through yonder window breaks...It is the moon and that cute Sheltie across the street art the sun!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Arf the sun?
Doggerel rules! Catechism drools!
Michelle
Not quite
Both thee and thou are second person. Thou is nominative, thee is accusative, so that "thou doest, and I shall smite thee".
"Ye" was formal plural, "you" formal singular and "thou" the intimate or familiar
The 'th' ending is third person, as in "How doth the little crocodile",'st' being second person.
That is still clear in German, with "do" and the "st" ending it takes.
Writer, heal myself
... and curse my wretched memory.
=)
Makes me wonder how much more of Chaucerian English I've forgotten. I mean, it was only thirty years ago.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
English
Old (inflected), Middle (conjoined) and Modern (printed). Great Vowel Shifts and vocabulary changes....can I really plug Melvyn Bragg's "The Adventure of English"? Damn good series.
The 25 For Journalism
As the ever-sagacious Ms. Wilder mentions above, there are lists for non-fiction writing, too. In particular, I found this one highly informative, not to mention entertaining. I can see how many of these same stylistic pointers could be of value to some short fiction, and perhaps especially very short fiction.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/blog/2011/jan/19/manifesto...
While not done too often, stealing journalistic style to present fiction can be dramatically effective, e.g. the Mercury Theatre On The Air's radio production of War of the Worlds.