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Perhaps I'm a bit odd this way, but I have never really come up with a female name I am comfortable with. Since my birth name is one of those that can be either gender, I've chosen to stick with it even if I do transition.
I don't feel the need to kill my boy identity in order to go with my girl identity. Is that unusual?
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Comments
Some People Feel That Way About Their Name
Some people feel that way. In a way , it is easier with a gender neutral name. Others want to separate themselves from their old identity. My name is similiar to my old one. It worked out that I chose my name as a tribute to a friend who died much too young from Spinal Cancer. She made me promise I would never forget her. I hope that I have lived up to her name. You should do what feels right to you.
Hugs,
Jen
A new name helps others adjust.
Of course using the same name made things easier on everyone when I transitioned to present as female (my true self). In fact it was too easy! No one could remember to adjust the pronouns appropriatly while taling about me in my presence. The matter came up in group as I searched for a way to help these well meaning people adjust the way they refered to me. There was a Tony who became a Toni and she never was able to get anyone to use female pronouns. So she changed her name again to something different and completely feminine, Betty. As Betty, those around her began using female pronouns for her becasue they had the prompting of the unquestionably female name.
I had not had my name changed as yet, this was durring my full time part time presentation for friends as female. But I started using the nickname Dory. Almost immediatly my friends started using female pronouns for me. Changing the name to something completly different and easily recognized as female made the difference. My original first name had a feminine spelling but instead of doing that, I opted to choose Joanna as my first name and I haven't had any pronoun problems in real life.
My advice is to keep the name as a middle name and choose a distinctly female first name. Then you have both options available, but with my experiance I would call myself by the distinctly female first name instead of by the middle name. I hope this helps.
Exploring the impossibilities,
Jo Dora Webster on YouTube
Not at all
At the urging of my mom when we had a discussion concerning what name I wanted to use after I eventually transition, she suggested I simply drop the last letter of my male name, since the result would be the name of a Great Aunt that, though when I was younger I was never told this, I was apparently named after. In the end, I decided against it, though I am still debating with myself whether I want to use it as my middle name, since I know my mom would like that.
Interestingly enough, even without dropping the last letter, it seems my male name is used by females as well already, if exceedingly rarely.
Sorry, total tangent there. If you feel fine using your own gender-neutral name, then I don't consider that odd at all. I actually see it as a blessing - not having to worry about forgetting your own name, learning to sign a new name, all the legal paperwork and fuss over it all - logically it's simpler, and emotionally I can see how it could feel better not to have to cut ties with your past to continue with your future.
Melanie E.
Odd no, strong maybe
Why would anyone have to kill anything to become what they are?
The "old you" isn't some disease to be eradicated, but a base to be built on.
I do see how an old life can be so painful (or the memories so tender) that it's traces might need to pushed back some, even hidden, but not killed. That you don't feel the need to do that is fortunate and shows strength. But then emerging into any new life takes strength.
Joy,
Names...
...are interesting, in that they are an intensely personal, intimate thing, but they are shared with and partially controlled by the people with whom we interact. If you feel comfortable with your name and the social effects it causes, there is no need to change anything. Frankly, in a way I'm a little jealous. My male name is not ambiguous at all, nor does it have a feminine form that I've been able to find. Vaguely similar female names have >not< appealed to me (they just sound... not me). Retaining that aspect of my "boy identity" isn't really an option for me.
Not wanting to destroy who I am, though, is a fairly big part of >why< I want to transition. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to kill anything (except maybe the wrong impressions of me by others, and those habits and traits of my own that cause or encourage them), but rather keep from being killed on an emotional level. If I could do that without changing a thing, wouldn't that be wonderful? If you can do it without changing your name, that is great! (^__^)
-Liz
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"