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This has raised it's head again in my 'never-ending' tale of life and dormice. It's done so because it is a constant problem. My own transition was quite public and was known to hundreds if not thousands of people locally. I've also been 'outted' in the press two or three times, including mention on local TV and radio. So short of sending out six billion letters notifying everyone on the planet, it meant there'd be some who didn't know.
It's a long time since I was used as a 'human interest' story, so most have forgotten or didn't know, and while in lots of ways I'm relatively fireproof, it could have an affect upon my own business were it to become news again - though I do wonder how many times old news can be resurrected. I suppose, we never quite cease to be objects of curiosity to some more prurient minds.
I'm aware we can't divorce ourselves from our history, although I don't consider I've done anything wrong, it is very different from many people's experience and I suppose one has to accept it will always be thus. In other words it comes with the territory, and my decision to live in 'stealth' mode, possibly makes it more uncomfortable while at the same time less likely. Those with a need to know, I obviously still inform, but is usually confined to medical services. The rest I can bluster with, "Well my birth certificate says female, so make up your own mind!"
Angharad.
Comments
Wrong?
"I'm aware we can't divorce ourselves from our history, although I don't consider I've done anything wrong, it is very different from many people's experience and I suppose one has to accept it will always be thus."
Of course you've done nothing wrong. I can't imagine why anyone would think such a thing though I know there may be some who may. I would hope it would be a very small minority.
I have one TS friend in RL whom I've known and corresponded with right through her transition. She made a deliberate decision not to attempt to go 'stealth', even though she certainly could, simply because it would mean denying her history, her old friends and, more to the point, her family, which is extremely supportive. She stills lives where she lived before and presumably lots of people are aware of her status but for the most part tend to forget about it. She doesn't make a secret of who or what she is but nor does she advertise it unnecessarily. Thus she is never going to be exposed - there's nothing to expose. I see Cathy in a similar situation. It seems you may have modelled her on your own experience and none the worse for that.
Once it seemed it could have been me but I found a different and mostly successful way.
Geoff
I agree with Geoff
I do not advertise, but I am quite open.
I am Holly most of the time now, except for looking for work, as I do not have 42 years of work history as Holly, and in this economy and at my age, I do not want to lose any advantages I might have.
I do volunteer work at the Red Cross Blood Center as Dave, but have been and still am donating blood or platelets as Holly, and the staff is well aware of both of me, and why.
Last Wednesday the end of the night was slow, and then our last two people came in just before we closed the doors. I was 100% sure on appearance they were lesbian, but said nothing. But then they began talking with the nurses on subjects that were quite open, and my work area was close enough to hear it. But when one asked for a drink, and I took it over, they clammed up, until one of the nurses told them, knowing from our own discussions I would not object, said, "It's okay to talk in front of Dave, because she is also Holly most of the time."
After that, with no worries about any more of the public showing up, I was included in the discussions, and our talk was quite open."
Why do I volunteer as Dave, not Holly? Simple. I do not want the Red Cross to lose even one supporter, because they are upset that Holly, who doesn't pass 100% is working there. And, I am be using my volunteer work on my resume, to show I am at least doing something while unemployed, and my resume, as mentioned before is Dave's.
As Holly, I ignore people if I feel there is any malice in their reception of ME. But if I sense they are questioning, I am quite willing to answer polite questions and try to educate.
It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,
David Weber – In Fury Born
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Fixing...
my drivers license will be pretty easy. The way things stand now, I'd have to MOVE to California to get my birth certificate fixed. *sighs*
I dunno whether I'll attempt stealth, or if it'll even be a practical optionn. No, I'll not go around advertising, but I'm fairly well known in my company... I suspect that when I transition several THOUSAND people will need to be notified... It'd have been sooo much easier (sorta) when I almost transitioned in '87... But, then I'd not have two wonderful daughters, and likely wouldn't have the spouse that is currently being a wonderful support for me!
Only time will tell. We can all hope for the best, and plan for less, I guess.
Nice note though - as you can see, it actually did trigger some thought on my part. I CAN obviously WISH that all this wasn't necessary. *sighs*
Annette
Translife
The center of my being is occupied by two central ideas. One is that I am a Woman, and I am afraid that I am somewhat militant about it. Geeze, it cost me enough! The other idea, and the most painful to me is that I have this inexplicable religious bent. The transition part for me was painful at the onset because of the loss of my family, but as someone here told me, I am impaled on the horns of my own Petard, because I taught the little darlings to be such religious bigots! Actually, I allowed them to be exposed to religious pinheads when all the while, I struggled to exist in that system. I had actually believed the tripe that God will heal us from being Trans; WHAT ROT!
A girl friend and I have decided that the Creator does not heal us because we ain't broke!
Aside from my family; who now trouble me much less; they ain't comin' back, get over it, religion is the area where I get the most pain. So, am I like a moth to the flame? Why do I keep trying to be a part of a system whose torments led me to step into traffic at night on a busy freeway? I just can't understand my own actions in the matter. I have tried my hardest to find someone to chain and cage me so I don't do stooopid stuff, but there have been no takers. :(
As far as my own every day life, my belief system permeats it. Yet Muggles, (non trans people)never seem to tumble to the idea that I once had a trouser snake. The fact never ceases to astonish me. I must admit that Portland is a weird town, and the residents seem to wear it pinned to their chests with a pin through the nipple. :) Maybe the fact that I wear Muslimah clothing is so weird that they overlook the T part?
These days, I avoid the press if I can. I had my 15 minutes of fame.
Life is full of singularities. :)
Gwendolyn
Hard to be stealth
... these days with RealID and crap like that. A lot of T-folks have security clearances and stuff and since I did not change my name after transition - it was androgynous enough - they can't complain about my lack of transparency. sheesh.
Also, to take my point even further, I have known of two genetic women whose names are men's names: Clyde and Kevin. In the former case she eventually chose to change it. In the latter case, I heard her on car talk when she called in with a question and the guys asked her that 'isn't that a guy's name ?' And she basically responds that 'it's a woman's name' now.
Anyway, I had hoped to be a bit stealthy too but I had transitioned with all of my managers from my pre-transition life knowing about me. I can't claim that now, as it has been 3 jobs since my transition. There is no point in putting out an advertisement to that effect. I have no doubt there are asshats out there who think we should announce who we are and have it be publically known, as if we were child molesters or something.
But to hell with them. Exercise some common sense, please don't feel you owe anybody that knowledge but don't feel ashamed if you have to tell.
Kim
Self destructive self disclosure
After my transition, I would often tell peopl right away, and generally they were gone out of my life like at warp factor 11. Later, I realized that I was being self destructive. Uh, well, actually I just wanted to get the worst over so that if I was going to be hurt, it would happen right away and not later.
Now,I am trying to practice the idea that no one needs to know; at least by my own disclosure; unless there happens to be a romantic interest developing. As it turns out, Men seem to be the hardest to deal with and I think it is because every male is insecure. They would not want anyone to think them less a fully functioning, verile, and macho man by associating with what some would consider to be a girly boy.
Oh, that the Creator would send me a REAL man; so secure in his own verility that he does not need to constantly measure his snake agains every other man's. Does such an one exist?
Actually, for many of us, myself included, perhaps it is some personality defect and not merely the fact that I was trans that makes them shy away. All any of us can do is try.
Gwendolyn