Author:
I recently responded to a comment by another member here. The original comment was posted regarding Amazon making a change which resulted in the comment’s author losing purchased reading material on kindle. However, my comment was regarding another comment made in response to that comment.
In the response, the author stated that she wished we all could feel as she does, that being TG is a gift. My response may have seemed abrasive to her - and if so, I apologize as that was not my intent. My intent was to simply point out that I did not agree with her feeling that being in a minority comprising less than 1% of the population does not make me feel special - especially when that minority is as abused as we are.
BarbieLee, I apologize if I came across too strong - I would not have you angry or hurt by my response. You are of course totally entitled to your opinion, and I respect you and a lot of what you have to say. Please do not take exception to my opinion.
Here is the gist of my response to her:
I fail to see how being transgendered could be considered a gift. Yes, in a way it does give me a unique perspective on life - my sons have pointed that out to me a few times, that I have a way of seeing things differently than either them or their mother. Decades of living as a man do give me that perspective, as well as the ability to see things from a female viewpoint - which has of course come much more to the fore since my transition.
However, how can living with the pain and anguish of dysphoria for decades be seen as a gift? How can you even begin to consider the pain I still feel every time I think about my lost childhood a gift? If dealing with the ignorance and prejudice that becomes more and more open in this country is a gift, then please pass me by the next time gifts are given out! I have had my fill of gift giving if that is what it is!
I know that unlike many transgender people I have been truly blessed in my life; I have had advantages that many of our sisters and brothers have been denied. Even through my transition, I still have the love of my spouse and my sons. Yes, there was a tough period of transition - a time when I was unsure if I would still have a relationship with any of my family or friends. I lost much - and I lost many friends and family. But in the end, those who I lost were never true friends, never real family, so what did I in fact lose?
Yes, I was lucky enough to be born in California - a state which recognizes my status as a woman and allowed me to change my name and gender even on my birth certificate. Yes, I am lucky enough to live in New York - another state which recognizes my status as a woman and made it easy for me to change my name and gender. I have been lucky enough to have good health care in a state that protects my status as transgender, a state that is not actively trying to outlaw my status.
But all of that simply makes it glaringly obvious just how poorly many transgender adults and youths are treated by our society today. Those who were not lucky in where they were born, or in where they live, or in the love and understanding of family and friends.
Again, with gifts like this, who needs Christmas?
How anyone can think that suffering through a lifetime of dealing with being transgender is a gift……..
I’m sorry, I just don’t see it that way.
The only gifts that I have seen throughout this are these:
I have learned who I truly am. I suffered through much to get to where I am today - seeking death through combat, and nearly at my own hand multiple times, not to mention the anguish of losing brothers and comrades in the service of my country. Yes, I have truly been forged by fire - and what is left behind is my true self. But the suffering to get here…….. mine and others. The scars which have been left behind in the forging……..
I have found the true meaning of love and friendship. Those who were false are no longer with me, and only those who truly cared remain. The flames of the forge burned that away as well, leaving behind only the tempered steel of truth.
I have discovered that there are those who truly value my skills and knowledge within my chosen field of endeavor, just as there are those who prefer someone of lesser ability simply because they are not transgender. I have been lucky enough to have worked for companies, and people, who value what you can do more than what clothing you wear. And I have been lucky enough to work with a staff that supports and cares for me - that treats me as the woman I am.
But even with these gifts, and even living where I do, I still deal with the small minded and the prejudiced. I still get mis-gendered, even though I live in a state which protects my rights. I still have had to deal with religious bigots (working in Human Resources of all places!) who were protected by my employer (Belk Stores at that time), even though they professed to be a company that values diversity and inclusiveness - a company that knew I was transgender when they hired me and played up upon their inclusivity.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand how anyone can say, “I truly feel tg is a gift and wish those so blessed could feel the same even when abused and persecuted for being different. We're less than one percent of the population. How special is that!”
If being abused and persecuted for being different makes us special, then color me not special.
All I ever wanted in this life was to be seen as a normal woman. If I am special, let it be because of who I am and what I can do - not because of what I am.
Comments
I Yam What I Yam
I don't like it when people tell me they're "special" because they were born a male. . .or a female.
I'm not too fond of it when people tell me they're special because they have Asian heritage. . .or European.
I don't like it when people tell me they're special because they have white skin. . .or black.
People are special who demonstrate outstanding talent, skills, or abilities.
People are special who allow their compassion to improve the world by placing others' needs above theirs.
I don't think my gender dysphoria makes me special. It certainly isn't a strike against me.
When people start talking about special, it seems they think it means "greater" or "better." It can mean that. It can also mean different in some other ways.
For example; Donald Trump is a special liar. He is a special insurrectionist. He is a special con man. When he originally ran for president, he went out of his way to be LGBT-friendly. Now he claims that trans athletes are "sick, deranged." That's special. He wants to nationalize the anti-trans legislation coming out of Florida and Texas. That's RFS!
Really Freaking Special!
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
You are indeed fortunate
You are indeed fortunate regarding both the state of your birth as well as the state of your residence. Because both recognize that diversity is a benefit to society, and thus allow that diversity to be reflected in the legal identity of its population.
The country of my birth until recently did not allow any name change at all. And even now a name change requires a lengthy civil lawsuit that can easily take one to three years. Because you need to prove with all kinds of documentary evidence that your original name detrimental. And then with that court decree you have to go through a similar lengthy process at the Civil Registry Administration just to get a marginal note put on your birth record for the name change. Then you have to take that approval to the local Civil Registry where your original birth registration was made, to have them put that same marginal note in the local books. But even so, you have to verify that the marginal note is added to the birth certificate every time you have a new copy issued. (Whenever you are required to prove your identity with your birth certificate, you have to submit an original issued certificate and no photocopies are allowed.)
When getting married, one spouse may append the surname of the other spouse to their own name as a matter social custom. But the law explicitly excludes such custom from being considered a name change. After a divorce the former spouses are not allowed to use the surname of their ex. Since doing so exposes you to criminal prosecution.
Even though the Constitution of 1992 prohibits discrimination based on birth and/or adoption status, there is still a subtle but obvious marker in your ID as to whether your are of legitimate or bastard birth. If you have only one surname, you are a bastard or born out of wedlock; and if you have two surnames, then you are born legitimate.
Legitimate born children carry the fathers first surname as their first surname and the mothers first surname as their second surname. So if you were born out of wedlock, you only got the first surname of your mother, thus marking you as a bastard.
Based on the constitutional requirement, the law was changed in the mid 1990s so that a child born out of wedlock and not recognized by any father would get both maternal surnames. Thus removing the subtle bastard indicator.
There is a constitutional provision that allows for the inversion of the surnames once after attaining your majority. But it has not yet been regulated by law.
As far as I know, to date there have been no successful sex marker changes. Because so far every name and sex change approved by the trial courts has been appealed by the attorney general and either reversed or the petitioner died during the process. This stance is due to both the very strong influence of the Roman Catholic Church and a very conservative right leaning government. Even socially, F2M's are quietly tolerated as long as they do not rock the boat. But M2F's are considered to be whores, prostitutes and sex offenders.
On the other hand, the country of my second citizenship and current residence, is tolerant of personal diversity. There is a provision to opt for a third gender marker known as “diverse”. And the government has introduced a new transgender bill to parliament as a “law of self-determination”. This new [trans] law would, among other things, streamline the change of gender marker be made at the Civil Registry. The current law requires two lengthy and invasive psychological evaluations and a lawsuit to change your gender marker. And the Constitutional Court has already issued several unconstitutional verdicts against the current law, requesting the government to amend and correct the law.
A social transition is possible, even without a legal transition. Just based on my presentation I am routinely ma'am-ed in shops and on the streets. And even when I need to present my legal documentation, I get asked for my preference of sir or ma'am. Many places will even note and use your pseudonym if you prefer not to use your given legal name.
But given the need to keep my dual citizenship identities in sync, I am not sure how to proceed with any legal transition.
So, once again, D. Eden you are very fortunate in the circumstances surrounding your legal identity. Thank you for sharing your struggles and insights with our community here.
Anything
I would give anything to be normal. Too many times has the label special been applied to me. To not have years of dealing with APD (audio processing disorder) without knowing I had it. To being thought of as 'special' (in a non good way) until diagnosed autistic (same time I found out I had APD) then thought of special in another way, and to not have dysphoria would be... I think at least, glorious. I don't want to have that label special anywhere near me and would love to be considered 'not special'. I've masked too many decades and it's a constant struggle.
I love all those on this site
D. Eden, I admire all those who post or just visit this site. We are such a diverse, complex part of humanity and the category those outside looking in places us doesn't help. As if to prove exactly how hard this life is, thirty nine to forty six percentage of transgender commit suicide. A higher number than all other classes of people combined. We don't know the true percentage because so many are buried or disposed of like trash so not to embarrass the family.
Everyone is entitled to express what they feel with the life they have lived through in the past and up to now. I love all those on this site and the opinions, the stories posted give me insight into how others think and how they are coping. I'll never put anyone's name or their vital data in a book if I manage to get one written about the truth, the lies, and the lives of all who are living the transgender boy-girl gender blender.
I have several sore spots, one is "those who wish to categorize us" want to put all of us in a one size fits all definition. Two is the gender dysphoria label. Transgender aren't crazy nor stupid. They 'we' are some of the smartest people on this big blue marble as both sides of the brain is running, usually open throttle. Three transgender is more than a MtF or FtM. There are thousands of degrees of transgender from trans light, they feel the desire but not the need, to trans full blown. They either make the transition or become of of life's sadist statistic, suicide.
D. Eden, sugar, almost everyone who is trans feels as you do. I find no fault with feeling that way because discrimination, hate, abuse, abandoned, almost every thing bad has been directed at those who try and live the life they were given. That's a huge hurdle for anyone much less for those who receive no support and have no money as they struggle through every single day. In all my years searching and talking to all the girls all over the world, I can hold up both hands and count the girls who didn't have to fight for the life they were meant to live.
Hugs D. Eden, I admire you and thank your for your opinion.
Barb
Sadly, tg will still be fighting for a right to live as they were born, long after I've taken my last mortal breath. I'll always wonder if my own life was worth it? Did I make a difference? Should I have took the offer God made when I was sixteen and not come back? No, I made the right choice then.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
respect
You were there when i needed an ear to bend. what you didnt know is that after my last beating i considered being one of those statistics. i love and respect you your friendship means the world to me have said that i have to agree being tg is no gift. ive lost almost everything just trying to who i am .3 of my 4 children refuse to even speak to me i lost countless friends, including some that i served with in the military . my family has all turned their back on me refusing to admit i even exist. but yet i continue to travel this road im on until my time is up.