I really ... really wish I could have a father/daughter relationship with my dad. When I first came out to him, I wasn't especially surprised when he had issues with me saying I was his daughter. But ... it's been a few decades since then. I'm pretty lucky, when compared to others, because my dad is willing to see me, and tells me he loves me. But, deep down inside me, there's still a little girl who wants to be held and cuddled by her daddy. I guess that may sound silly for a 58 year old woman to say, but that's how I'm feeling right now.
Daddy issues
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Comments
Not silly at all
I am with you totally, honey.
You are quite right, the fact that your Dad accepts you is wonderful, and a blessing in itself.
But, we all, no matter how old (and I'm 54!) need to be held and told that someone has got you and will make the world go away.
Hugs Lucy xx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
Thank you!
It's so nice to know somebody gets how I've been feeling recently.
{{{warm hugs}}}
Heather Rose :)
In my opinion you are very lucky.
In my opinion you are very lucky. My dad disowned me. No contact after that until I received a phone call from his stepdaughter telling me that he'd died and that he had left everything to them and if me or my sister or my brother wanted any of his estate that "we were shit out of luck and could go to Hell." Then she hung up.
The strange thing was, I never wanted nor asked for anything from him--at least, not in a monetary sense. And I didn't have time to say anything to her.
charlie.
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/missing-without-a-trace-cha...
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/832524
That sounds awful!
I'm sorry to hear things had gone so badly for you.
Bad Luck
Imagine all the holiday meals you've missed sharing with your wicked stepsister.
That's a cheerful thought.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Heather. It's great to have
Heather. It's great to have what you have. Many men would see it as a failure on their part that you turned out "trans". He would always have the at the back of his mind if it was something he did or didn't do.
I know there is no way on earth that my father would understand that I like to spend time as a woman whenever I can. My mother supports me and enjoys it. She has opened up a lot more to me since I told her my secret.
I remember my father screaming at my younger brother for wearing eyeliner once. He was a punk rocker, and it was a "thing" back then. It was all "not in my house" "he can get out if he's like that"
I understand it. Masculinity is a fragile construct that abhors what it sees as a weakness of any kind. It's not men's fault. We are raised in this way. Perhaps that's why many of us realised at a young age we didn't really want to be part of that straight jacket.
Leeanna
Well ...
... although he didn't say it to me directly, from what I've gathered from other family members, my dad seems to feel like it's his fault I'm transgender. I guess that makes it even more amazing he's still willing to see me. I'm sorry to hear how things are with your father, but I'm glad things are okay with your mother. Hearing that is sorta reminding me to focus on the good things I have now, instead of getting down about things that did or didn't happen in the past.
My father died 14 years ago
My father died 14 years ago Heather. He never knew. I am still in the closet. I go away on holiday on my own or with my mother 7-8 times a year. I get to be who I want to be then. I had some deep conversations about trans women with my mother last June. She seemed sympathetic, so I came out to her. She was slightly shocked but fascinated.The next morning she snuck some underwear into my drawer. I had taken her and her male friend away to the south coast for a few days.
She told me I would have been Michelle if I was girl.
Leeanna
Still Dad
It took over 15 years for it to happen and to them I am still Dad. I don't expect that to change.
Daddy Issues
IMHO, own your "shite" but do not take on the burdens of what someone else thinks of you. That is "their" problem and wherever their personal evolution/ development is, it ain't your problem.
Guilt over what our personal identities are has crushed so many of us down; Most to lead lesser, shadow-lives of our true potentials, some to the point of an ultimate act of despair where we "check out".
I ate that poopy sandwich for many years and it broke me (badly). I too ended up fighting urges to make it a "clean" ending (so nobody ever knew of my horrible secret). Some little clump of cells in my brain.. or some spot in my eternal soul said "no!"
I ended up surprising everyone and just ghosted the entire world; My family, my friends, my job, all of my possessions, even my pet dog (and I am the most guilty over missing my dog, It still makes me tear up). They had missing persons police reports out for me, hired private detectives, etc... I did periodically let them know I was still alive but would not engage with anyone or discuss anything about what was going on with me. I had even left the last vestiges of my boy-clothes in a dumpster behind a McDonalds along the interstate, halfway from where I was to where I went to (where I am now).
It was the most difficult thing to do; I had made myself in to an orphan, with no job, no assets and only one friend (the most lovely woman I have ever known (who is like us) and who took me in while I became (less) crazy.
Could I have done it cleaner? Looking back, would I have done it a little differently? If I had to do it today would it be a very different approach? Absolutely on all counts. I did what I felt I had to do, to become who I am today.
I don't take it upon myself to own what other people think of me. If you think something negative of me and it is not justified or is due to your own ignorance I will kindly try explaining once. After that, it's your problem, not mine.
Even for the first few years after I came out to my family (I did it in a series of letters that I hand wrote and sent by post) I was pretty much isolated from them. Who I became was nothing like who they thought I was and they had a difficult time relating. But eventually, after a few years we established a few tentative connections and now I am 100% good with my little brothers. I ended up good with my mom and she would even make statements to random people about how she was proud of her smart daughter (how validating that was).
My father died a long time ago; About ten years before I transitioned and I was absolutely certain that he would "NOT" be ok with it. (Marine, man's-man, I won't have some f__got as a son, get over it or we will send you to a mental institute)... You know the type.. Once, in a deep conversation with my mom I casually asked "what would dad have thought of me?". I got this sudden, icy-cold look and stone silence... Yea, the suspicions of my childhood were absolutely confirmed; It would of been "bad".
But I can't own that. That was his problem, and his loss that he never got to know his daughter and never will. That book is closed, dropped down a well and the well filled with rocks.
But still; In my dreams, sometimes I am still that little girl that wants to run up and be picked up and loved unconditionally by my daddy. To feel his arms around me as he lifts me up and spins me and smiles upon my face as I look at him with total love.