My god, I feel so bad right now. I just had to give one of my friends the 'I just wanna be friends' speech.
I've kind of seen it coming for a while, but I was hoping the classic 'ignore it and it will go away' ploy would work. Sigh. Now I feel like a bitch. He's a nice guy, but I just won't get into a relationship like that until I'm, well, more matched on the outside to the inside.
It hurt me to do it, because I know it hurt him, but 'I like you for who, not what, you are' sounds better in fiction.
Comments
I'm sorry
I had to do that once, and it really bothered me to hurt him. There were just too many differences. I still look back even a couple years later and wonder if I did the right thing. He just felt like too much of a project, and my common sense told me that we just can't change other people.
It still is not pleasant.
Gwen
'Lets just be friends'
I know how that goes. I had to do the same thing to a guy over 12 years ago. Although it was for so pretty strong reasons. he was 10 years younger than I was and it seemed like what he wanted in a relationship was for someone to be the mommy and him to be the one who couldn't do anything without the approval of 'mommy'. Well, I wasn't ready to be anyone's mommy let alone a 25 year old man who couldn't get his weight under control (he weighed 320 pounds). I had to give him the ol' 'Lets just be friends' and sent him on his way. I haven't spoken to him in nearly thirteen years. No skin off my teeth. Sometimes it is for the good of all involved that things like this have to happen.
Goldie
Mind you, me giving relationship advice is a like a priest ...
counseling a bride and groom on intimacy. I am so shy I have had very few dates, even in my fairly good looking young man days as I keep imagining how it's all going to go horribly wrong. You might say I am excessively risk adverse.
Anywho, if you were truly uncomfortable with the whole situation you probably did the right thing. I can understand how as you are *in-between* where you started and where you want to be as a person, to add the complexities of a sexual relationship sounds a recipe for disaster.
You were forced to handle a no-win situation and did the best you could. About the only thing you might have done different was to have emphasized that the difficulty was with your personal situation and not him but then that might have sent him a more encouraging signal than you intended. If you are not comfortable with even the concept of a relationship at your current status then this was clearly for the best. Welcome to the adult world where often there are choices to be made that bring pain no matter how you choose.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Down Boy!
I've had to give the "Let's just be friends speech" to a few insistant canines,
but this is not likely to be something I'll ever have to do with humans...
~~~hugs, Laika
Well shit, I guess it really CAN happen here..,
.