I have a dear friend that I have known since 1969 but sometimes, he drives me mad.
I produce a calendar every year. This year, all the photographs are of Castles. I give them to friends as Christmas presents and sell a few to cover my costs. An excess is donated to a Charity. This year, it is the RNLI (Lifeboats). I gave them a £70 donation last week.
I saw my friend yesterday and gave him a calendar. He gave me one in return.
Sorry Bob, but what made you think that I'd want a commercially produced calendar when I make my own?
I am sad to say that his gift will be going to the charity shop tomorrow. He gave me one last year and the year before but it really is hard to tell him, 'please Bob, no more calendars.'
Who else has friends/relatives that give them gifts that really not what you wanted?
Samantha
Threave Castle, Scotland.
The castle is on an island in the middle of a river.
Comments
The Thought not the size or monetary value of the gift
disappointment upon disappointment of my son. "I'm not going to by my sister a Christmas present. She never gives me one. Last Christmas I gave her a coffee maker and it cost me almost two hundred dollars. She never thanked me nor even sent a Christmas card."
I admonished him. "You give gifts expecting another to reciprocate? It's not a gift if you expect payment back. Gifts come from giving from the heart and has no monetary value but a value of immeasurable proportions according to the spiritual blessing from the giver. If this is your true feelings, and I have no doubt since you expressed them, send your sister a Christmas card and ignore giving any presents.
What was in my heart were words best left unsaid. The love and care we gave him and his siblings with no expectations other than he grow up to be honest, loving, and caring man. The money we paid for his college education, and all the things that go with it. The pickup we financed when he started driving. The money we sent him when times were tough, never expecting it to be paid back even though he was an adult.
But most of all, the love we gave freely to all our kids, no charge, no interest and accepting what they were willing to return in kind.
Never put a monetary value on what someone gives as both giver and receiver will never feel the truth of what that gift represents.
Now for the record. Your "friend" is either a complete imbecile and needs a brain transplant or he is truly trying his best to piss you off. Who with an ounce of intelligence is going to be giving store bought mass produced calendars to a friend who has been giving them a personalized limited copy calendar? You need a new class of friends. I'd loan you some of mine but I don't have that many to share. I love the few I have. I would travel to the ends of the earth to help them if they needed it. I feel they would do the same for me. The rest I discarded along the way in this long life.
Hugs Hon, love you
always
Barb
PS: I'll let you have the three kids we raised. Be warned, they never got weaned and are high maintenance.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
does he know
that you make the calendars? some people can be completely oblivious to things. He may genuinely think that you like getting calendars.... Or he doesnt like getting a calendar but doesnt know how to tell you that.
Sometimes people get gifts for the fun of it. I know of a few people that get the worst possible gift they can find. It is a joke of course.
Just a note. Not a lot of people know what RNL1 is or what it means.
He knows
that I make the Calendars. Well, I take the photos but an online company put them all together. My name is on the front.
He told me that he looked forward to getting them. I don't know if he was just being nice or not?
For those who don't know, the RNLI is the Royal National Lifeboat Institution. It is a charity that runs all the Lifeboats around the UK. They have a starring role in the final part of Gillian Chambers, https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/82516/things-had-chan.... Most of them are crewed by volunteers as so eloquently mentioned in her story.
Samantha
I read the story
or stories. But... lifeboat???
Is this like the coastguard ships?
Sorry but to people outside of the uk all the different ships, boats, types etc are not known.
Note yes I did look at web page. I still dont get the actual purpose of these "boats" its pretty vague about what they are for exactly, aside from pulling people out of the sea, is this party of coast guard or separate?
Sorry like I said people outside of uk just dont get what this is about. And yes I am curious of its function since uk people( no insult intended) take it for granted and it just is.
The UK Coastguard is very Different to the US one
It isn't a quasi military organisation for one thing.
The RNLI is there as you say to rescue people who get into trouble at sea (and some rivers). Their boats are generally pretty small but many are able to withstand capsizing perfectly well. The RNLI work in tandem with the Coastguard service (mostly they watch for trouble at sea) and the RAF/Navy Air Sea Rescue Helocopters.
I hope this helps.
Samantha
Christmas Rules
My brother-in-law is not a dumbass. He's a Navel Academy grad who went through Top Gun.
Yet he can be dumb as a rock. A few years ago he casually let it drop to me that for years he thought I was intentionally trying to make him feel bad -- forty years ago -- by giving gifts to all the nieces and nephews.
His family were not Christmas people. My father-in-law never gave anyone a gift. One year in the early 1980s, I gave my mother-in-law a receiver and speakers so she could have music throughout her house. She said it was the first time in her entire life that someone had given her a gift that was more than a box of candy or a scarf.
When my brother-in-law dumped on me for giving gifts to the nieces and nephews, he also accused me of showing him up with his mother.
It would be a lie to say that I didn't want people to think nice thoughts about me when they opened their gifts but I didn't (and don't) see gift giving as a competition.
I'll admit that some of the gifts I gave were pushing boundaries: BB guns, Chemistry Sets, etc. My criteria was always -- what would I have wanted at that age -- within the child's interests?
I suppose I should have taken the lay of the land -- but hadn't.
Christmas is an emotional minefield.
People have expectations that can't possibly be met. There's too much alcohol and too many late nights. Because of the weather in my area, most people aren't getting the exercise they need.
I love Christmas. All the Grinches and brothers-in-law can stick it in their ear. Christmas is about little kids -- twelve and under. Everyone else should butt out. I have grandkids - and care only what they think.
I'm trying not to be my grandparents, who were the worst gift-givers ever, and crossing my fingers that I'm not unknowingly breaking someone's Christmas Rules.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
It tales all sorts does it not?
My friend Bob is not dumb either. Give him an electronics cabinet to wire up and he's your man. He is however rather set in his ways but he got me out of trouble more than once when we were a lot younger. Trying to drink three pints of Guiness in 60 seconds on an empty stomach was a disaster waiting to happen. Ah... to be young again.
It is not only the season to be jolly (As in gritting your teeth when receiving a gift of socks sized 6-8 when you have size 12 feet) and forgiving of those who seem to become complete plonkers at the merest hint of Christmas (or as in the case of my Aunt Dolly, the homemade plum brandy)
Samantha
Intelligence isn't common sense...
I know people who are well educated, high functioning professionals (doctors, lawyers, scientists, etc) who, when it comes to functioning in the real world or dealing with anything on an emotional/ interpersonal level are dumber than a box of rocks. It may just be that Bob doesn't have the social skills that are required for thoughtful gift giving. Unfortunately, for many people Christmas is an emotional, logistical and all too often impoverishing minefield trying to meet the expectations of others.
Not having been raised within any branch of Christianity, Christmas isn't a holiday that was ever celebrated in my family and as an outsider, I never understood the gift giving mania this time of year.
My parents taught me the importance of being present in the world and helping others in whatever manner is appropriate in their time of need. I try to give of myself and of my resources throughout the year to family, friends, acquaintances and strangers as needed; it may be a meal, groceries, donating blood or platelets, emotional presence, some sort of labor, money, or an appropriate gift that is needed to help lift someone's spirits at a rough time. My giving- in whatever form it takes- is without expectation of reciprocation and helps me stay connected in the world; the knowledge that I am being of service is all the gratification I need. Fortunately, the important people in my life appreciate what I do throughout the year, respect my not taking part in the Christmas gift revelries and don't foist off things I neither want nor need on me.
A valued thought...
While you have the ability to produce your own calendar, and that picture above is stunning. Is it possible that he gets you a calendar as he possibly realizes you appreciate calendar's as a valued gift? You give them, so he's trying to do so in return? Not everyone has the ability to take stunning photography, or otherwise be creative.
Hell, some years Amy and I give each other wall calendars, and then fight over who's is cooler, and gets to hang it in which room. :P It's a thing.
-Piper
Clothes
My youngest daughter for several years insisted on giving me clothes. I'm only guessing, but I think she noticed that all the new clothes I bought were actually women's clothes to spite the fact that they were butch and most people wouldn't notice... she did. What ever her motive was, after three years, I finally told her that I'd appreciated it if she didn't buy me anymore clothes. She took the hint and has since bought me things I'd rather have (Dark Chocolate and gift cards my favorite espresso provider [no not Starbucks] and Barnes and Noble [my eBook provider]).
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Oddest Xmas Gift
To this day, the oddest one I ever received was from my only aunt when I was 11 or so. I opened it and saw a ceramic race car styled like a 1960's F1 racer, only to soon find out it was actually an empty whiskey bottle. The re-gifted tin of poppycock from my now ex-father-in-law was beyond bad, but that whiskey bottle still makes me scratch my head. My aunt has always been a bit extra...
Terrible gift receiver
My father was a terrible gift receiver. I cannot remember him opening a present without commenting "I won't use that", "I don't need that", "I already have six of those I don't use."
One year when visiting he handed me a catalog, asking my opinion of a high-end radio. I immediately ordered it for him (letting him know so he wouldn't order one himself). The next time I saw him, he reported: "The radio works really well." When he died it was the single item I wanted most. It still works really well.