Hello everyone,
I want to thank those who took the time to comment on the story and or send messages to me directly. There were some good, strong critics about the story's weaknesses and I thought I would try to elicit some further discussion.
The strongest comments had to do with bringing in too many brothers, sisters and side stories "ad nauseum". I felt for a long time the story was much too long and I did cut more than 25,000 words (including one whole chapter) from it; however, I felt there were many stories to tell and many loose ends that needed to be tied up. I guess the questions are:
1. Did anyone care what happened to Mindy?
2. Did anyone care about what happened to Tony and Cindy?
3. Was the wedding too involved and lengthy? Was it not important for everyone to come together in a time of great joy?
4. Was what happened to MK and Pat relevant to the story?
5. Did the trip to Europe contribute anything or could the discussion between Jo and MJ occurred elswhere and elsewhen?
6. Did anyone care that Mike made the same wish that Jo made. If you do, how would you introduce that fact? I had thought about introducing the wish another way but couldn't come up with a valid way to introduce it at the time it happened.
7. Was the charity concert important? I felt it showed Jo gaining confidence and strength and it also leads to the closing scene.
I did those things and others to make it possible for Jo to confront Mike's father in court and display her pregnancy to him. I felt it was important for that to happen. There could have been a period of months I just skipped over and we would never have had the answers to a number of things. I thought most of the last part just added to the romaticism and closure of many issues.
Anyway, this was my first literary(?) effort. comments please.
Comments
Great Story
Portia; I loved this story completely and kind of looking for more, myself maybe others might not feel the way I did. I didn't see/read anything that I would change it was great. Thanks for the great story! Richard
Richard
Story or sweeping epic?
Hi Portia:
Well, your story did cut a really wide swath through history; not something I would have tried to carry off. Still, I think you did a good job of it. There are probably guidelines for how many characters you want to try to carry in a story if you are interested in cranking out pablum for the masses.
You did a great job of keeping all your characters straight. I did not try to count them. At first, I did not even remember who Tony was, and personally, would not even change the channel to watch sports; any of them.
Jo and Mike displayed an uncommon amount of forgiveness; providing great role models. IMHO, that should be the norm in our society, but must shamefully admit that it took many years for forgiveness to do its work in my life. So, perhaps a little more struggle and a few more tears from especially Jo would not have hurt. Of course, we don't want to make this too realistic; most of us have sort of overdosed on realisim in our own lives, so a little fantasy, well...
Some of the Technical Writer still shows through but I think you are doing a good job with the transition. When I first started writing, my stories came off like after mission reports. I have a few loyal fans, for reasons totally unclear to me.
Some of the folks here have College Level Literature experience and there is no way I could please them. You can try if you like, but I think they are far too critical for a site like this. Though a couple of them have barked at me like nagging mothers and I have begun to try to do better.
Well, many blessings to you. Keep it up.
Gwen