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Okay, I think the title says it all.
First off let me say I'm ex-military special forces, I have a big problem with confined spaces from that. I guess claustrophobic would be the correct word but it does not quite fit, as I can be in a large room with few people and have problems if the situation is right. I was in a situation today where I needed a window open and others in the office complained, Closing the window caused me such stress that I got a migraine, couldn't breathe and ended up in the fight or flight mode. I think with my background I think we all know which mode I was in when I found myself in a situation with a couple other co-workers that had been blatantly undermining my authority.
I'm happy to say I held back the beast and no one got hurt, but it was close, closer than I imagined, as I found myself halfway across the room toward those that the beast felt needed to be punished before I caught myself.
Comments
You're not a moron.
You found yourself in a situation that told your training and phobia to kick in simultaneously. Fortunately for both yourself and your co-workers, you had presence of mind and enough will power to fight your way out of both with no harm to anyone.
Kudos to you for being able to exercise the control you did. Moron? Hell no! Victim of past training and responses? Hell yes. Thank you for your service and thank God you are a mentally strong enough person to fight your way out of this.
Respect.
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
Not Special Forces; Something Else.
It's odd that I used to climb around on very high stuff, but now am very afraid of heights. And, I can be in a room full of people but when the time is right, I have to get out right away. If people piss me off, and I want to hit someone, suddenly I find myself walking away. So, yeah, my heart goes out to you.
Oh...
I know exactly what you mean. I used to teach/train corporate seminars and such. Now I can't be anywhere near lots of people. I can't go grocery shopping during the day anymore because I have panic attacks and usually throw up in the parking lot. In the car, I'm fine. In there with all those people... Nope.
~And so it goes...
PTSD
I am by no means a medical professional, so please take this with a grain of salt, but I believe the medical definition is PTSD.
I know people throw that term around a lot these days, but it's a real thing. No matter how big or how small or how little or how often, it's a thing, it's still a thing.
I am glad you were able to ground yourself and reclaim control, but please do the research and seek help if needed.
-HuGgLeS-
-Piper
maybe, but it also
could be simply trained response in a stressed situation.
Military all over want the troops to respond with violence frequently, so they train them to do so.
It would likely benefit Nuuan to talk with a mental health professional and see what they can deduce is happening.
Stupidity is a capital offense. A summary not indictable.
You Do The Best You Can
Not going into much detail here. There's lots of ways to get PTSD, and you can counsel for years. Then one day you realize that you don't cure it but you learn to deal with it. You stop binging and getting in fights and crying in the closet and getting lost in the desert. Opposite action, and radical distraction help me lots.
It seems clear that the shrinks in the Military can really only listen, and a tone of psych drugs don't absolve a person from the responsibility to run your own life.
A few weeks ago, some men in a meeting ridiculed me til I started bawling. After, I was thankful that it was just tears. The alternative for them would have been a trip to the hospital or worse. I'm doing alright.
Gwen
In a situation like that
I just get up after the first nasty comment and walk out smiling. That get's them better than anything and is absolutely harmless.
If anyone asks I usually respond I have better employment for my time than to deal with morons, and if they don't like my attitude they can try and find someone else with my knowledge and experience. Since I usually work on a contract basis that shuts them up quite quickly.
I have also quit a job because of something like that once, HR and the management finished up pleading with me to stay. But that was quite a while ago. Today they may just be too full of themselves to do that. Corporate (non-)culture, morons the lot of them. Look for somewhere in a small to medium family run business, if you need to be employed by someone. Common sense still survives there, most of the time.
Monique S
you're not a moron, hon
hugs.
But you did not hurt them!
The fact that you caught your self and did not do anything is what matters. That shows a lot of self control.
"Cortana is watching you!"
No Need to be ex military
to have similar impulses. I have always been triggered by certain supposedly "male" behaviours to react with violence and as a youth I sometimes did. It was not before I started on female hormones that I got a grip and succeeded to transform the rage into constructive energy.
My childhood had a lot to do with it, watching my father beat my mum and being helpless was a truly traumatising experience, as was being left alone at night so that they could go and get drunk at the pub before getting into a fight when they got home. We all have our inner demons to fight. That doesn't make you a moron, rather the opposite.
Monique S
I can be in a large room with few people
I have this problem and have spoken to a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist who told me that it was military mentality kicking in, trying to keep tabs on possible threats particularly people who you dont' know or trust. Continually looking out for threats.
Not Fun
Feel your pain on the closetphobia... No where near as bad as yours, but I have it bad enough that its been an issue over the years. When I was in the military, chemical warfare training was a damned nightmare, wearing a gas mask was slow torture, felt like I was smothering the entire time, and I have a serious issues with water when It gets to about chin level. even a shower with water spraying in my face will get to me at times.
Had a job where I had to wear a respirator, in an area contaminated with heavy metals prepping the area for placing explosives. I didn't last long, even with a full face respirator, the restriction on my breathing and the mask on my face were not fun, had to move on from that job fast.
I'm just glad I am not affected any more than I am, it's basically just a minor annoyance at this point, good luck on coping with it.