I received a call from my sister this morning, telling me that Mom is under heavy sedation, and slowly fading. Apparently there is nothing more they can do for her, except to make her last hours peaceful.

She's been through so much in the last few months, with dialysis in her future, and diabetes besides. She's been on oxygen for years, along with inhalers and an infuser. She had the blood vessels in her neck reamed out a couple of times, suffers from high blood pressure, migraines, and just a couple of months ago, had to have her left leg removed above the knee.

She's also had several mini-strokes which left her speech a little garbled and mixed up. She's 81 years old, and I believe she's still fighting, but this latest major stroke seems to be the last straw.

I talked to her this morning, on the phone. She couldn't talk, but my sister held the phone to her ear so she could hear me. I told her that us kids will be all right, that we all have lives now, that I'm doing very well and will be just fine, and that it was okay for her to go, if it was time.

I told her that I love her with all my heart, and I thanked her for bringing me into the world. I refuse to make her last few hours worse by bringing conflict into this by confronting my siblings, nieces, nephews, etc, with my 'sudden' change.

There's no point in my going there to be with her. It would only exacerbate an already bad situation, with my family all being there, and 'forcing' them to accept me, especially at this time, is pointless. She's surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I said my goodbyes, and that's more than I got with Dad, or my cousin. Mom knows that I don't want conflict, and I know she understands why I'm not there with her.

I know that I'm no different from any of you, in that we all love our parents, no matter how bad or good they are, or were. My only purpose in posting this blog entry is to clarify things for myself.

I have not the words to express how much I love all of you, my family of choice. You have stood at my side through all of my trials and travails and supported me in my quest to become who I always should have been. You've offered words of consolation, encouragement, congratulations and love. All I can offer in return is my heartfelt Thank You, and a promise that, as you all have been there for me, I will be here for you.

May whatever deity you live your lives by, bless every one of you. If you wish, pray for Mom's passing to be smooth, gentle, and peaceful.

Thank you.
Catherine Linda Michel. Now, and forever!