I have been fighting cronic depression and anxiety for nearly 15 years, i have been trying to be my authentic self almost as long. Two seemingly random statements that bring me to the topic of this episode... Depression and T*ism.

From PubMedHealth "Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods.True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for a long period of time."

It's hard enough to just be an individual in modern society, when you are gender gifted it can be heartbreakingly hard. You carry a secret around with you that at the very least can expose you to ridicule, and at worst can lead to death at the hands of the intolerant. Want proof?

This poor woman was taunted and beaten by two teenage girls in a McDonald's while a pimply faced employee filmed it on his phone and is heard warning the teenagers to run from the police. We T* people have been raped, beaten, and killed just because we don't fit the standard bi gendered picture that most of our modern societies hold.

Depressing stuff, but if you are prone to any of the forms of clinical depression like I am, it can drag you down and pull the hole in after you. I was diagnosed with cyclic clinical depression in the late 1990's. in truth, I've probably been depressive most of my life. My mother used to have two or three day "Headaches" that I now truly believe were depressive episodes.

Is depression genetic, the jury is still out on that one, all I know is that I was predisposed to dark days even before I admitted who I was to myself and others.

From PubMED Health "The exact cause of depression is not known. Many researchers believe it is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, which may be hereditary or caused by events in a person's life. Some types of depression seem to run in families, but depression can also occur in people who have no family history of the illness. Stressful life changes or events can trigger depression in some people. Usually, a combination of factors is involved."

Now, among the meds I'm on (including CES and Cipro) are anti depressants and anti anxiety medications and they work most of the time, however there are certain triggers for me that can trump even the meds, and when my darkness hits, it's a struggle to get out of bed let alone do anything creative.

"Depression can change or distort the way sufferers see themselves and their lives, as well as other people around them. People who have depression usually see everything with a more negative attitude, unable to imagine that any problem or situation can be solved in a positive way.

Symptoms include:
Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
Extreme difficulty concentrating
Fatigue and lack of energy
Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex)
Thoughts of death or suicide
Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
Depression can appear as anger and discouragement, rather than as feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Use of alcohol or illegal substances may be more likely to occur.
If depression is very severe, there may also be psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations and delusions. These symptoms may focus on themes of guilt, inadequacy, or disease."

All true and if you feel this way, it's hard to feel fabulous and love who you are. and if you feel bad enough, you might try to harm yourself.

From Laura's Playground "The National suicide rate is 3 per 100,000 People. The Transgender Transsexual suicide rate is 31% of our group. Over 50% of Transsexuals will have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday. Even more self harm themselves daily either by cutting or self mutilation."

Grim statistics, but if I can frighten one person into seeking help, I feel that I've done something good, so here's another good link, this time from the website of Depression.org.nz Depression self test

To sum up, we are all bound to be depressed in our lives, but, In my opinion, the gender gifted are probably more prone. If you feel depressed more often than not, take the self check, or Google Depression Self Tests, It might just save your life.