Going around the internet today is a news article about a transgender teenager who killed themselves and then left a time released tumbler suicide note after the fact where they spoke about how hard it was being transgender and blaming their parents for a lack of support and not being supportive. The story is starting to go viral and people are promising that the teen will not be forgotten.
Does this sound familiar?
It probably sounds just like Leelah Alcorn, but it's not, its 15 year old Zander from Georgia.
Suicide is a terrible thing, a terrible loss, a terrible waste of life. It is sad and causes us to reflect on who did what wrong and how we could do things better as a society. I'm here to suggest one of those things:
Please do not champion the cause of suicide unwittingly. Please do not give these kids a level of celebrity that they would never have achieved in life otherwise. I know it sounds a little heartless, but it is the exact opposite. When you make these kids famous for killing themselves, you increase the risk of other kids in similar situations to take like measures. We've all have been there, that point in life where you think no one understands you, when there seems to be no hope. Your parents are morons, your friends are idiots, your finances are dismal, and you got finals coming next week. You aren't as popular as you would like and you wish you could do something to be noticed, something to make those who ignored you pay, you get the idea.
I'm not telling people not to grieve, or not to reflect. I'm just asking not to participate in the near idol like worship of these kids. Keep your sorrow private. Let's not fuel the machine. Let's not cause teenage angst to be the quick path to immortality. If you do need to share the news, may I suggest that instead of focusing on what was wrong in their lives, how their parents were wrong, how horrible it is being transgender (which I don't believe it's horrible), let's focus on what they've missed out on in life and the pain they've caused others by their actions.
Just trying to give food for thought.
Comments
pretty much agree with you
But (isnt there always one) a couple of side items.
1. you are correct BEING transgender is not horrible, but the people around you can MAKE existence horrible for you if you are other than they expect or want.
2. i see you point, sort of, on the "idolizing" but most people, as you have pointed out in other posts, find it easier to identify with a cause when there is a person/name/face for it. it will NOT stop being so, because it works. the fact that anyone takes the road of suicide is just an indicator of their depression/desperation. i know, i have been there, and i took that wrong fork. luckily (or was it) it didnt work. i can see after events since how it would affect those around me, who love me, etc. it is not about being weak, or an "easy way out" it is just about being done with crap you never asked for, and just want it to be over. many people in various situations, severe illnesses, birth defects, just plain sucky lives attempt it. it is NOT easy to make that decision, it is NOT a selfish action. it is just an attempt to end your own suffering, and the suffering you believe (rightly or wrongly) you are causing those around you. My Grandmother took that route, she was so ill, she couldnt live without machines and lots of meds, and even then it was agony. my mother, as the oldest had to go and allow her to die "with dignity" as they say. her other daughters could NOT allow it, THEY were being selfish, not my grandmother. while a young person can be a slightly different situation than someone who has lived their long life, it still fits the definition most use as a selfish act, etc.
3. no do NOT idolize the suicide, but making a martyr of someone is not the same. we do it for those murdered by haters, etc. those who commit suicide are not less victims of others hate, ignorance, or just plain stupidity.
Teresa L.
Teresa L.
Torn,
On what the over all effect is of these viral stories.
First off, I am not the kind to post viral stuff, It is just not me.
However I see two different effects that this kind of story can have.
1) Encourage someone on the edge due to the fame aspect etc.
2) Discourage someone who may push someone over that edge.
How the two effects may balance out, I have no idea.
>i< ..:::
Statistically speaking
A suicide typically generates three more, so we are faced with the choice of either acknowledging the event to show our love, or you can simply not speak of it. I talk about the fallen simply for the benefit of those left behind.
A dad just killed his transgender daugher in Ohio, so right now I am wondering how that could have happened?
This is a balancing act.
This is all a very sensitive subject for everyone. But, you must take into the account the mindset of those whom are killing themselves.
They are boxed into a corner, with others making their lives a living hell. They feel they have nothing to lose. That, for them, living is just to painful an existence to continue.
If you say that you will ignore even their suicide. This might even push them further over the edge. With them taking the message to mean that, you don't care about the suffering you have endured. (Which they will take as the world having a completely lack of empathy for their suffering.) And you will make sure you are forgotten. (Which they would take to make you twisting the proverbial knife that is already in them.)
It which case, their already destructive sadness will turn to rage, they may decide to taken a few people that have wronged them, with them, into death. Or, they might take a few people that those whom wrong them cared for. This would only compound the tragedy.
That they would prefer to be removed in scorn, than to be forgotten.
As I said, this is a balancing act. And unfortunately, we usually here about these cases when it is too late.
So, if someone posts a suicide note here, take it very seriously, and try to talk them down.
Having had one of my children
kill themselves, I am aware of the pain and hurt it leaves behind - it is indescribable and has no closure. Now while someone at that point might disregard everything but their own feelings, I hope possibly that those who aren't quite at the final stage might think about those they leave behind and my final plea. Please don't do it, nothing is insoluble - it will get better.
Angharad
I am torn on the subject as well
As someone who tried but failed, If I had looked down on that kind of publicity after my death I would have been angry that I mattered more dead than alive. but as someone who knows the cause of those feeling I want everyone to know that it is their HATE, ignorance and neglect that pushes people into a corner from where there are only two ways out: one which is impassible and one which is death; and while some of us have lives you may not understand or like most of our "friends" and "family" would prefer not to attend our funeral just to maintain their own ignorance.
I am always amazed at the power of words when they come flowing out of the heart; even in small numbers.