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Hi Everyone...
I'm learning...
When I write I enjoy writing dialogs but I'm not clear on the basic structure of a conversation between two people. The structure I most often use:
"Hi, so how are you," Susan asked.
"Fine," Brad answered.
I would like to experiment with something a bit more dynamic, simplified and professional but I don't have a clue on how to begin. Can anyone cite an example. I'm creating a story that has a lot of dialog.
Hugs
Mary Beth
Conversation
I'm not sure I understand the question. :)
If you're asking about dialog tags, "Susan asked", "Brad answered", there are a few simple rules.
-- Avoid adverbs in tags, partly because they can lead to tomswifties: "I'm going to the track," Tom said hoarsely. But also because you should just avoid adverbs in writing generally since they are weak provisually--they don't promote visualization in the reader.
-- Always use a tag if it would be otherwise unclear who is speaking. Don't confuse the reader. In a long conversation between two speakers the general rule is one tag or other identifier at least every fourth piece of dialog. This secondary rule can be violated if the primary is not violated. I think I succeed with this in my story "Deadpan" which has no tags or other narration at all. The way I did that was to have the speakers start out by calling each other by name and then mention each other's name frequently enough as to avoid confusion while not slowing things down. This is done even more subtly in Lainie Lee's "Threading the Needle" where names are not used and the speakers are identified only by context.
-- A change of speaker requires a new paragraph. This is important for readability; an iron-clad rule and you need a damn good hacksaw of a reason to break it.
-- Use 'said' for most of your tags: "he said", "she said", "said Mom", "the dog said". Said is almost like punctuation, used properly it is nearly invisible. "Asked" and "answered" are secondarily useful this way; "asked" should be used instaed of "said" for questions but "answered" can usually be left out since an answer is frequently obviously an answer.
-- Colorful tags like; "Freddie mumbled", "Janie shouted", "Mom exclaimed" should not be overused or misused. These are not synonyms for said and each has a definite meaning. In particular, "stated", "mentioned" and "commented" are not synonyms of "said". Colorful tags (or 'flavor tags') should not be more than half of all tags. Don't be afraid of using said or just leaving the tag out if the speaker is clear.
-- In fiction, avoid having one speaker continue on for paragraphs without some narration. There are several ways to avoid this or to handle it if unavoidable. Look at other stories to see how it is done, the rules are soft and squishy but hard to explicate. :)
Anyone else want to comment here?
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Big Hugs
Exactly what I was looking for. I've copied your comments to my writer's guide. That was very sweet of you.
Hugs
Mary Beth
One minute your tying a shoe lace, the next closing a strap. I've always felt sorry for boys who cannot imagine being girls.
On purpose
This is one of the things I hoped to do when I established the original Naughty Words website: writers helping writers. You're very welcome and hugs back. :)
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Conversational style
Hey, Mary Beth!
My advice is to take a look at how some of your favorite authors handle dialogue, then work out a way that feels comfortable to you and the reader. I've considered how Lawrence Block, Donald Westlake, or Laurell K. Hamilton deal with conversation, because I greatly admire their work. And there's no shame in learning from the best. *smiles*
Over time, I've developed a way to make dialogue fluid -- to make it flow as if you're hearing it, because in a way, you are. Since conversations seldom happen in a vacuum, you can use things the characters are doing as they talk to indicate who is speaking at any particular time, and the sort of tone they're using can often be implied by the action they're taking.
For example, let me write a small snippet of interplay:
***
Doug looked down in horror at the flowered dress he was wearing, straight into the cleavage of two very real, very large, and very full breasts. Long red hair fell forward to frame the view, and he began to shake violently.
"My God," he shrieked in a voice that wasn't there before he went to sleep the night before. 'What the hell have you done to me?"
"What I had to do." Celia's voice held a grim note as she stalked across the room and threw open the curtains on the bedroom window. Doug shielded his eyes from the morning sun with a hand that now held long, rounded red nails. "Up and at 'em, all-American boy. The curtain's come up, the play has started, and it's time for you to perform."
Doug looked at her like she was something from a Spielberg movie. "You're insane."
"No, I'm not," she whispered, lips trembling. "Just very, VERY angry."
***
And so on.
In this way, you lessen the impact of a "he said, she said" pattern that could echo in someone's head and steal their suspension of disbelief away.
This being said, I've never seen any problems with the dialogue in your stories, hon. You have a great ear, and it moves to the page very well.
*hugs* Hope this helps!
Randalynn
"If God could do the things we do, he'd be a happy man."
-- Peter O'Toole, from the motion picture The Stunt Man.
More big hugs
Randalynn,
You are a doll as well. Thank you so much for the comments and those examples.
Hugs
Mary Beth
One minute your tying a shoe lace, the next closing a strap. I've always felt sorry for boys who cannot imagine being girls.
Picking up the slack
I hoped someone would pick up some of the slack I left in describing dialog techniques. Thanks, Randalynn. :)
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Dialogue
The "golden Rule" of writing is DO NOT BREAK THE READER'S SUSPENDED DISBELIEF.
With good dialogue you rarely notice the attributions, as you are so engrossed in the story. I feel good about dialogue and use it liberally, as I think it often is the quickest route to disclosure of plot and characterization. Good dialogue can even help you set a scene.
I believe, and not everyone thinks this way, that 'he said" and "she said" are glossed over by most readers. Unless you stick them in every sentence most readers won't even notice them.
Writers differ on "he said" and "said he." A random check of bestsellers on your shelf will verify this. I believe that you should pick one style and stick to it. I believe "he said" is the more logical. (You wouldn't say "grinned Fred" so why would you say "said Fred"?
In general I use many more contractions in dialogue than I do in narrative. Although in "Shannon's Course" I took great pains to avoid all dialogue for one of the characters. She was a contrived individual. (I wouldn't advise this, as it was a complete pain in the ass.)
Use logical breaks in your sentence to insert the attribution. Nothing will snap a reader out of her suspended disbelief quicker than a clumsily cut sentence.
"What do you," he shouted, burning my dress off with his eyes, "think you're doing?"
Would be much better as;
"What," he shouted, burning my dress off with his eyes, "do you think you're doing?"
or even better.
"What do you think you're doing?" He shouted, burning my dress off with his eyes.
Probably the four biggest sins I see in TG story dialogue are:
1.) Dumping information in through dialogue. When would you ever hear in real life? "You are my brother's wife Ethel, who doesn't like dogs and has the best taste in pumps." Sounds like a Carol Burnett skit.
2.) Characters go on and on, making speeches. Dialogue should be quick and to the point.
3.) Inane idle chatter. Make sure your dialogue moves the story. "Please pass the sugar." might be okay of we know the sugar is laced with hormones and our unsuspecting sissy is about to be breasted.
4.) Too much dialogue without narrative to help the reader. We communicate roughly 88% of the information we transfer during a conversation through non-verbal gestures. At least that is what the experts tell us. We are tying both hands behind our backs as writers when we rely on dialogue too much.
Erin's Joe Friday stories work because we all know Jack Webb's face and mannerisms. We know that the story is happening in Los Angeles. We even know his badge number. (Also, Erin is skillful beyond most who try to write here.)
Yesterday, I read Vicki Tern's all-dialogue story. It worked to a degree, but after a bit I would have paid hard cash to have normal narrative to help me. (I also would have paid hard cash to have been Vicki's victim, but that is for another discussion.;) )
"Good luck," she said, smiling through carmined lips.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Narrative, a question
Hi Mary Beth.
I too like dialogue. It is my prefered way of advancing a story. I know the difficulty. I recall also that I complimented you on your dialogue in your last posting Not So Little Little Girls,too. So it can't be that bad:)
Lest my critical faculty was being called into question I looked again at your work. I can see what you mean. I still stick to my original comment in that the dialogue itself is fine but the 'he saids' and 'she replieds' do inhibit it. I shall have to examine my own again in the same cold light!
I am not sure what ' dynamic, simplified and professional' involve. I can only suggest that firstly you don't do it so often. When it is a dialogue rather than a free -or-all, you can just cut it out. Just play table tennis with the phrases. The average reader should be able to follow for a few exchanges at least particularly if they are short.
Otherwise break it up with more information which identifies the speaker.... "More tea vicar?" The duchess silently cursed her husband's absence, "and how did the village fete go?".... sort of thing.
And of course using the addressee's name as above also means that you do no need to name the speaker. One could equally well say .... "More tea vicar?" she silently cursed her husband's absence, "and how did the village fete go?".... and you would still know it was the duchess speaking. So sprinkle the addressee's name about.
I am not sure what 'dynamic, simplified and professional' mean. But the words certainly frighten me. I shall become inhibited if I ponder them too long :).
The thing that causes me headaches, and which is linked to your point, is how to break up a long monologue. Something which conveys essential information but which looks intimidating as a massive block of text.
Any ideas?
Fleurie
Breaking up monologs.
Two things immediately come to mind; which one you use would depend on the context. One is to break it up by showing the reactions of the listener(s). The other is to have the listener(s) interrupt with questions or comments.
Of course, you should also break up long monologs with paragraph breaks, even if the subject doesn't change much. As a general rule, most paragraphs should not be over four sentences, just for visual relief.
Amelia
"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas
monologues
Thanks Amelia, Yes I have arrived there too. But what seems reasonable in theory is difficult to execute without a whiff of contrivance. Possibly because it is indeed just that.
Back to honing the blunt skills. Damn!
I agree totally with your strictures on paragraphs. Nothing more off- putting than skyscraper blocks of text. I can't bring myself to start to read them! Not sure about rules for the number of sentences though. Some people can write paragraph length ones!
Bugger that was five!
Hugs
Fleurie
Another possibility
... would be describing an action the speaking character takes during the monologue. It would provide an excuse for a break point, and could also be used to indicate the character's emotional state.
For example ...
"I never should have left the vial of transformation fluid where Harold could get at it. I knew it was dangerous, and knew it looked like a bottle of milk. I also never figured that Harold's breast fixation was quite so ... prominent ... in his imagination."
Ellie shuddered and closed her eyes. "Now Harold's chest is more prominent than mine. Not to mention that mane of red hair. And those HIPS ... my God, he's more of a woman now than ninety percent of the girls I went to high school with. My husband is built like a brick --"
###
Well, you get the idea. *grins*
Randalynn