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I didn't understand forced fem until a group of TG friends joined Holly Hart and me at our home. Of the nine of us we were all M2F, except two of us. One was a F2M and the other was apparently male. The male liked to cross dress and preferred forced fem. But we weren't going to forcing him or anybody else. The F2M remarked to me he was the only male in the group.
I thought about what he said and realized that our male friend was really more of a transsexual than he admitted to himself. The problem with him is fear.
shalimar
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Fence sitter
So many of us are or at least was fence sitters. We can see what we need to have, but for whatever reason we can't hop off that damn fence and embrace it. Yet, it hurts so bad at times we want for some one anyone to knock us off that sucker and drag us kicking into that which we need as dearly as a drowning woman needs to breathe.
Oh the lies we tell ourselves. Yeah, we're guys, real men. Just because we envy the way women looks and dresses doesn't mean a thing, nope, nope, nope. Just look at all the crazy crap we do to try and prove it. Risky behavior doesn't begin to cover it all.
At some point we wake up or we sleep the forever sleep. Accepting that part of ourselves is not easy and even then it's a battle. You don't go from shunning anything and everything the least bit feminine because you're afraid of it giving you away, overnight.
Looking at the forced fem thing with awakened eyes puts it in a very different light, and not a good one. I would never ever pass on the pain of being 'TG' on anyone. The pain, anguish and self-doubt are crippling in so many ways.
Accepting yourself is not easy, but is something that has to be done to begin to heal.
Big Hugs
Grover
I've gone through most of the categories here...
There was a time when I wished I was a kitten...
There was a time when I wished that there will come someone and make me live as girl.
There was a time when I wished that next doctor visit will uncover that I was actually a girl or that I had girl parts inside of me (first time it happened some 15 years before I first encountered a concept of intersex).
There was a time when I dreamed that my whole life was some whacky scientific experiment to see what will happen to a girl if you make her live as a boy for several years.
There was sa time when I dreamed that my family is undercover and they had to disguise one of the daughters as a son.
Currently I'm just not strong enough to transition and leave behind everything I've achieved in the past years. And yes I'm ugly enough and uncoordinated enough to look like a bloke in dress no matter of amount of padding and makeup...
But still... Some long winter nights I dream that someone will come and make me live as girl...
And, on the other hand, I'm still greatly disturbed by many of the forced fem stories.
PS: if you think you can write a story based on one of my dreams - go ahead, I will be happy to see what you can make of it.
PPS: I've also invented batman, superman and superhero similar to captain america for my own late night entertainment some 20 years before they become known to general public here... :-) (you can consider me an owl. Never being able to go to sleep before 2am... It meant for the 8 out of first 15 years of my life average 5 hours from the bed time to sleep time while I had to stay still not to wake up anybody... Ample time to invent almost anything :-) )
Guilt
IMNSHO...(that's In My Not So Humble Opinion) the biggest motivator for writing and liking to read forced fem is guilt. Consider this: many if not most transgendered individuals suffer significant guilt about being trans. The need to fulfill those trans desires is strong enough to make us act out and cross-dress. We then feel the guilt and shame. So we fantasize, about some outside influence being responsible for that acting out.
Some evil woman, a witch, or spiteful wife who forces the feminine clothes and/or behavior. Acting on the trans feelings with no guilt. "It's not my fault, she/they/it made me do it." Yet the trans feelings get satisfied.
We write/read that stuff and wish it would really happen to us.
I've written a few stories that brush on the forced fem, but since I've been blessed to never feel guilt or shame, though I do acknowledge that I've had some fear of discovery in the past, so I'm not really equipped to portray the characters correctly. In my versions the protagonist has an out, but usually it's his own honor or stubbornness that won't let him take it. I prefer to call it "required fem" because he's required to submit because he chooses to honor some contrived deal or bet.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
You got that right, as usual.
My first two stories were absolutely FF. And both had good endings. Later in life, I realize that the guilt came from the stepfather from hell. None of my siblings have hated me. They grew up with me and from a very early age, they knew who was in that little head of mine. And, none of them ever rejected me.
My own children and X wife are the family from hell. Though, in all fairness, I understand very clearly that I murdered their father and they ain't gettin over it. It has been especially hard on my girls; devastatingly so. My son has come around somewhat but he still does devious and manipulative things to get his Dad back.
I've tried and tried to get some sort of a relationship back with them, but they are completely non responsive, so there seems to be no way to actually revert. I have tried this on my own several times, and it has proven to be a completely insane, suicidal effort that has no chance of success without support of the family, and even then I have found no support what so ever in professional circles. Spiritual people who advocate reversion have proven to be the most ignorant fools on the planet, their lack of understanding is so complete that it astonishes me that they can remain alive without nursing care.
There is not a damn thing wrong with FF. It can be a soothing ointment on a life that is otherwise devoid of any reason what so ever to trudge on.
Gwen
It is a Fantisy,
She (They) made me! It wasn't my fault! It is a very seductive thought.
Having lived with the feeling I was something nasty for 40 some odd years I can empathize with it all too well. It is a way of getting you need more than life without having to be responsible.
When I was living in guy mode if there had been a cure for being transgender I would have jumped on it. Now that I am living as my true self I would never go back, warts and all. To transition you have to care more about your needs more than what people think of you, including family. It is much harder than it sounds.
True forced fem on an unwilling participant is the stuff of nightmares for me, but if the person is dreaming of it while being too terrified to act? Being forced is a happy story with a happy ending.
I posted this at the end of my last blog, but it occurred to me that true transformation, where a person finishes up completely female, will not result in a transgendered person. Compared with the other changes the brain is just one more change, not trivial perhaps, but probably not as deep as the other changes needed for a fully biological, genetic female.
The fact is I am more stable than I was. I have buttons, just like everyone else, and some of them quite easy to push.
One of my favorite authors, Robert Heinlein, wrote that being female was probably more fun than being male. I'm biased, but I think he was on to something. We don't have to conform to a fairly rigid social code nearly so much. I am physically much weaker than I used to be, I was a pretty strong man. My muscles have melted away with my personal blessing. But I get to dress in such a way that expresses my moods, something I never did before. A lifetime of wearing suspenders, button up shirt with pockets, and jeans with pockets have been left behind forever. I am still a techie nerd, I just have to carry a bigger purse than most.
One of the reasons I volunteer is to help people just starting out to get past the terrifying parts in the beginning. It has been less than two years for me, I still remember that feeling of being a man shopping for womans cloths. I was at a thrift store once doing this when a helpful clerk came up to me and said "Sir, these are womans cloths!". My reply was "I know, thanks" (lots of sarcasm). She went off and had a good yuck with another employee speaking in Mexican.
I have had other incidents, I'm afraid I have a short fuse. Not hiding has some advantages, I will take obnoxious sales people to their managers (or higher) if they practice their intolerance on me. I am not a bit shy, I can speak in front of a crowd with the best of them. Somehow I suspect it has to do with my willingness to transition.
More than one explanation
It isn't one thing, I'm quite sure of that. I've also noticed that some people are so sensitive to the issue that they are very quick to pull the trigger and call something "forced" when it might not be at all.
Some people have written their real-life experiences -- and they do *seem* to be real, from my reading, although I admit I can't verify it.
The stories and anecdotes that appeal to me are ones in which the person finds out that they actually enjoy dressing in girls clothes, and that what was meant as a punishment turns out to a pleasure.
One anecdote I recall was of a teenager who used to dress up in clothes his mother had stored in the attic. She caught him one day and said, "One day I'm going to ask you to wear those clothes when you don't want to." Some months later, when his father was away, his mother had him dress up and they spent the day far from home, doing girl things. The mother didn't treat him badly. She wanted him to see that actually being female was limiting and not always fun, and she was (probably) also curious to see how he'd react and behave. In the end, his feelings were mixed, but it was a day he never forgot.
Another anecdote is the one that inspired my Rules Are Rules. As far as I know, there really was a gym teacher who was so fed up with the boys forgetting their gym clothes that he actually got a girls outfit, and when a boy forgot his stuff, he'd make them wear it and take gym with the girls. Obviously, this happened long enough ago that the teacher could get away with such a thing.
The man told of how he'd once honestly forgotten his gym gear, and ended up in a skirt playing field hockey with the girls. He got a little teasing, but most of the kids were sympathetic at the over-the-top punishment. The boy found that he liked it so much that he "forgot" his stuff a few times after that just so he could "be a girl" for an hour.
So, there can be an element of discovering a desire a person didn't know they had. There can also be an element of permission and possibility. In a situation where it's impossible for someone to crossdress, the forced situation is a way of getting around that. When a parent says (and this has happend), "If you can't keep your clothes clean, you're going to be wearing a dress until you do." And, wow, what a surprise! The boy makes sure his clothes get dirty.
Of course, on the other hand, forced fem can be abuse. It can be psychologically scarring.
I understand that some readers here are very sensitive to that; maybe have suffered that. This issue comes up periodically, but I'm sure that it's not all one thing.