A little question of site etiquette

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I notice that some members use a signature in their posts that is different from their username. Which is the better (politer) way to address them, if you need to, by username or by signature? Or do different people have different preferences over this?

My preference

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My user name was chosen because I was here stealthily. My real name is all over the internet and on the covers of my books, so the 'stealth' bit is rather outdated. I don't mind how people address me (within reason) but would suggest that if a 'username' has seen fit to offer a 'person' name as well, then it would seem friendlier to use that one.

I'm good with either, personally.

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I've been called Ras as a shortening of my screen name for years -- or rassy, or a number of other versions -- across lots of different sites, so it's fine with me. I'm also fine with Melanie, since that's, you know, ME. Either way.

My default tends to vary by who I'm talking to. Some people I'll use their screen name, others their real one or preferred name, it all depends on who the person is. I don't think there's really a hard etiquette rule about which is best.

Melanie E.

Pick which feels right

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There's nothing that works for everyone, so just use whichever feels right for the person you're addressing and if they prefer you call them something else then they will tell you and no foul will have been committed.

Hugs
Cat

-
You can't choose your relatives but you can choose your family.

Just please be sure to call us...

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Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

...early enough to make it to the table before the food is all gone. (after washing our hands, that is.) Also, you may call me if you need advice that no-one else is able to give you. You could call me if you just want to chat. Some people call me the doctor of love. Some people call me Maurice. (Not really, it was a silly song reference. I mean the last two.)

with love,

HER

Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Address me as....

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Hey you if you want; I don't care, as long as I know who youre talking to.

(And is it bad to admit that I have no idea who cyclist really is? Probably a connection I'm just not making, but I don't try so hard to figure people out; I take them as they come.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you appreciate my tales, please consider supporting me on Patreon so that I may continue:

https://www.patreon.com/Nagrij

Is okay...

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erica jane's picture

I don't know either. Though I have been described as clueless in the past.

~And so it goes...

"What's in a name..."

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Rhona McCloud's picture

The real confusion of names on BC occurs when talking about someone behind their back - I am guilty of referring to Steph Calvert as "cyclist".
In real life I am often called Somebody; as in "Somebody ought to clear up that mess." but by that measure I confusingly share the most common name in the English speaking world.
To quote Mary Sidney (possibly):-

“What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players; "

What a wonderful paradox that on a site devoted to stories where individual characters discover or broadcast their own true names the authors have to recognise the folk wisdom that whosoever knows your true name has power over you...

Rhona with apologies to anyone I misname

Rhona McCloud

Rhona has it right

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My initial point was about stealth, and that remains very important for some people. Times and positions change, though, but a user name can hold memories. I still have user names in existence that refer to the 'me' that no longer exists, but they also hold memories I cherish. My colleagues have discovered my writing, and it is a hot topic on the gossip circuit, but the overwhelming feeling I get is of admiration that someone could actually write so much.

I am in no way trying to hijack this thread, nor boast about my output, but I think I can serve as a good example of how things go--for some of us.

Transition is often horribly public. I can remember any number of shouts of "Tranny!" or worse, just as I can remember support that I might have died without. I remember meetings where all I had with me was a wig, and another time eating in a restaurant with transwomen friends where for once I wasn't the one called 'sir'. So much history, so much fear. We do stealth because we have to.

So some of us use a pen name to hide our tracks, and then some of us say FTW and come out, transition, find and reveal who we really bloody are, but the pen name still resonates, still rests warm in our hearts. Others are in a different place, such as Drea. No breach of secrets there, for she has told us of her pain. Here, as Drea, she can be at least part of what and who she needs to be.

So it isn't simple. I know who I am, and to me it doesn't really matter what name people address me by, but the pronoun...

Oh gods, that is so fucking important I am compelled to swear. I can face down any number of hotel receptionists who 'sir' me in a dress and heels. I can politely correct them and explain who I am and why, but I still cry afterwards. That, really, sums up my comment here. Call people whatever they offer you, but please, please, please, remember the pronouns.

Thank you!

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Thanks to all who replied. As a newbie here I'm still feeling my way around, so this was all helpful!

kandijayne

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