As I sit here writing this, my lovely wife is cooking my din-dins downstairs.
She isn't aware of my TG thing and because I think I know her after 20 years of marriage I think that she never will understand.
I was brought up in the 50's and I suppose your upbringing colours how you are for the rest of your life.
I wanted to be a girl ever since I was old enough to realise that I was different from them. I was a boy and that was that. I didn't know that there were thousands if not millions like me. I reluctantly concluded that the tooth fairy or Santa was not going to let me be a girl so that was that. All I could do was dress like a girl occasionally and accept that at least I can look like a girl and fantasize about what if...
Anyhow ever since I was old enough to be crafty and keep secrets, I have been dressing whenever I could get away with it.
Society does not accept the CD or TG lifestyle and ridicule us. Not so my cats and dog.
I am lucky enough to work from home and being in the country, I am able to get away with being dressed without 'being caught out'. My wife works all day and I can dress as I like during those times.
My cats, that's Biscuit and Ellie -Mae and my dog Gemma, quite often see me dressed and they don't go 'Oh My God' and hide their eyes behind their collective paws.
They accept me for what I am and don't judge.
I may be wearing a blond or brunette wig, a dress or top and skirt. It matters not a jot to them, they still accept and love me.
I might look hideous in that top I bought from Ebay, even though it looked fantastic in the photo, but do they care - nope.
I just wish that society was like my pets- non judgemental and accepting me for what I am.
Ahhh, that's better, of my chest and I can go have my beef stew with dumplings, nice when its cold enough to freeze your erm, ears off.
Hugs
Sue
Comments
You write like you always were female
Sue,
You may not be the way you might wish but your imagination seems to have done rather well. Whatever life has done to you, good and bad, your writing has not suffered for it. There is a charm to your writing that come through even when something terrible happens to a character.
As to animals, not too up on dogs but as to cats, you could wear a giant mouse suit and as long as you fed, watered and cleaned out the litterbox they would love you.
Keep warm.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
I love my cats.
I had a most learned man of the cloth tell me once that
my cats wouldn't be in heaven, because they had no souls.
Clearly a man who cats did not like.
I've also been married for 20 years. It was someting that
I always wanted, as far back as 5th or 6th grade. I would
sit in my bed, with my cat, waiting for the time that the
sun and I would have to start our day. I used to dream of
how nice it might be to have my "we" snuggled in right next
to me.
So many times, I've stood in a group of friends to hear
them laugh and raile at the parts of their married lives
they think is funny, or don't understand. They are always
floored, when after smiling at their travails, when asked,
I tell them I love being married, I'd gladly do it all over
again, oh sure, my wife can sometimes be insensitive and
cruel when she dosen't take into account my feelings; but
mostly, like when I'm the only one in the room crying at
the silly movie, she just sort of understands. I love
being married.
I looked and looked for so many years, and when I found
the one, I made very sure that she knew all about me. I
did my best to explain, that although I don't really do
anything about it, that the person inside of me, is not
really the person that most people can see.
She's always been a little worried about it; and, she
can't really understand what it all means. Often, she's
not even nice about it, like her refusal to read my
stories. Yet, then again, there were times when I was
feeling a sadness, and I told her why, she always said
go for it. Lots of those times, She didn't even shake
her head, even when I spent a lot of money on makeup,
which I never actually used! That Christmass she
just bought me a really nice makeup case, and slipped
it under the tree.
I've been so lucky Sue, because I've had so many
short and fuzzy friends too. People think it's funny,
becuse animals usually come right up to me, including
most cats. When I come home, Our animals always
come out to greet me, and seldom is ther an hour when
one or two are not with me. Everyone gets kick out
of the fact that I'm their favorite person.
I love being a dad, and a husband. I love that I
have this wonderful gift inside of me. I love that
when you show someone true empathy, no matter how many
paws they have, it's often so surprising how quickly
they are willing to respond in kind.
It makes it so much easier to respond with a smile
and a shrug, when people see things about me they just
can't quite understand, and they give you that funny
amused look with their heads tilted to one side - no
matter how many paws they have.
I'm sure your cats do love you, Sue. I'm sure it
couldn't be any other way.
Sarah Lynn Morgan
It's nice to learn a bit about contributors,
because it helps us form a picture of them when we engage with their worlds. It can also help understand where they are coming from.
As a child of the fifties, I have something in common with you. We each got something, you kept a marriage partner, I went on to 'live the dream' but have been on my own for several years.
Life is all about compromises and consequences, the paths that certain decisions cause us to take. It is also what makes it interesting too and in turn makes us who we are.
As for pets, I think they do care who feeds them, Bonzi is nervous of strangers, especially men. Some guard cat, huh!
Angharad
Angharad
Don't Underestimate Your Wife
My Dear Wife and I were married for 25 years when I finally came out to her. Of course I had to give up my own personal denial, but that's another story. I was sure she would never understand, and at first she didn't, but she really surprised me. A few years after I had come out, she asked me quite sincerely if I would like a new wig. It was as though an acceptance switch had been turned on. Since then we have grown as a couple. We are more than husband and wife, we are girl friends. This is a level of intimacy and togetherness that few couples ever achieve. It's wonderful to have an occasional "day with the girls." We watch award ceremonies together and make catty comments about the dresses. Did I mention that we just celebrated our 35th Anniversary?
Don't underestimate your special lady. She might just surprise you.
It's even better than that
If they're anything like my cats, Biscuit and Ellie-Mae would really appreciate it if you grew your nails out or got acrylics. Cats truly enjoy a good manicure.
I'm a child of the 40s ...
... I was born just a few months after war broke out (that's 3rd September 1939 btw) so I'm of a similar age. We've been happily married for over 40 years and, from choice, have no children (enough people in the world already without our adding to the mouths, plus we didn't want to spoil what we knew we had). I told her about my TG interests before we married and she accepted it but it's not something we ever discuss. For us I don't think it matters; we are very happy and share lots of interests - like cycling.
There was a time when I was convinced I was TS and devoured everything I could find out about sex change. April Ashley's story was serialised in the News of the World and I devoured it avidly. She was so beautiful. I haven't 'dressed' since I was teenager and I soon realised that I was merely a TV, on the lowest rung of the TG ladder. I suppose the internet opened up a lot for me. Although I knew I wasn't unique (as I thought originally) I found a huge community here and I indulge myself a little.
Now cats. I'm indifferent to them. I just wish they were indifferent to me. We've never had the urge to have dominion over other living creatures (including human beings) so we've never wanted either pets or children. A cat nearly killed me and did succeed in paralysing me for a while but I partly (mostly) recovered. My wife hates them because they shit all over our garden and she's fed up with getting hands full of smelly cat droppings when she's gardening. Consequently she's rather like Dicken's Pegatty chasing donkeys with a broom every time she sees a cat insolently strolling down the garden path as if it owned the place. We like wild things though and encourage birds into the garden - another reason to discourage cats.
Geoff
I'm not necessarily saying you're wrong but...
"She isn't aware of my TG thing and because I think I know her after 20 years of marriage I think that she never will understand."
You can, I hope, see the vast contradiction in that sentence? :-)
Don't you think she thinks she knows you as well as you think you know her?
--
Rachel
Re :I'm not necessarily saying you're wrong but...
"Don't you think she thinks she knows you as well as you think you know her?"
I know you mean well but that isn't the point.
Many people have the opinion that it is best to be truthful about everything and that includes telling ones wife about being a TG.
I came to the conclusion Manny years ago:
1. That my wife would not understand.
2. That what I do does not hurt her.
3. That my marriage would be over if she knew.
4. If I get 'found out' then so be it, I would deal with it if and when it happens.
5. Ignore everyone who know nothing of my personal circumstances trying to persuade me that I should out myself.
6. As this is the only thing that my wife does not know about, I can live with the fact that I am deceiving her and that my life and hers are happier without her knowing.
It is very easy for people to say, "I told my wife and she understands" and expect that to work for everyone. If it works for them, great but the world is littered with failed relationships due to 'outing'. I know two TG's personally whose relationships did fail after telling their partners about this.
I would never tell anyone or pontificate to others how to handle this issue as it is personal to that person, but I have seen on more than one forum (not here I might add) how some try to put pressure on others in the misguided belief that it would be the "right thing to do and you are living a lie".
I used to go to a TG meeting once a month and felt a bit of an outsider for not telling my wife. Needless to say, I stopped going, which was a shame as I loved the idea of meeting others like me. Mind you it was a bit Cliquey
Anyway, thanks for listening. It's nice to know that you are all there and care enough to answer my little blog.
Hugs
Sue
TG groups cliquey?
OK, yeah, tg groups are terribly cliquey, and yeah the so-called "Community" is an utter myth. We seem to have something here but oddly enough it's not based on just *being* TG but on actually *doing* stuff. Making stuff. Stories, in this case.
Exactly!
I agree
By reading and writing about what we like, are or would like to be, we are at least allowing ourselves an outlet that otherwise would not be available. This is a 'real' community, linked by a common theme, lifestyle or love of our fiction if you like.
A hate being pigeonholed into a certain category and the thing I love about BC-TS is that I am free to give myself an outlet for my feelings dreams and not being judged as to what or who I am; just as my cats and dogs do not judge me. Long may it stay that way.
PS, I may seem to imply that my pets belong to me, they don't, I belong to them in a sort of symbiosis situation if you know what I mean :-)
Hugs
Sue
you are wiser than you know
I think Billy Bragg said (sang?) it best:
o/~
The temptation
To take the precious things we have apart
To see how they work
Must be resisted for they never fit together again
o/~
You are wiser than you know, Sue. A happy marriage is not a thing to be trifled with.
I took a chance
and did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I call myself Questioning and that is what I've told my wife. In fact I suspect more but won't go there right now. She surprised me with being understanding and in a lot of ways we are finding out about all of this together. Yes there is stuff that makes her uncomfortable but I understand why. The number of marriages that has failed because of the spouse 'finding out' made me decide it was better to put my cards on the table and take my chances. After all I am still trying to understand the entire TG thing as it relates to me anyways so I wasn't hiding anything from her. Most certainly I was and still am hiding things from myself. It has been a slow process of coaxing them out. If she is understanding, the area I live in is Not.
From my first dog and cat, animals has been important parts of my life. Animals and small children have always known I'm a 'softy'. They just accept you as you are. However Children grow up and sadly most times lose that. Not so for our animal friends. If not for my dog and cat I would've gone bonkers quiet some time ago.
hugs to you Sue Brown!
grover
furry families
It would be an exageration to say pet's... oops, sorry... the kids, kept me sane. Well if you accept I am that is. I pretty much knew the reaction I would get from family. Actually I was a little wrong, I expected a bit more understanding from the closer brother and sister. Apart from some basic and brief communication when my father was dieing a year or so back, nada for nearly 16 years. So I will never urge anyone to come out unless they feel they have to. For many years cats were my family and when I could I got a pup and then another. Repsonsibility, companionship, unconditional love. So 'the kids', all 4 of them, mean more to me than many people and until a few years back I was very leary of trying to make friends. I have made a couple and this little place here is as close as I come to groups, especially in the TG world. My experience there has been very negative.
Everyone makes choices, I chose not to marry or have kids... how could I do that when I doubted I could follow through as it were and some years back he became she except for that last little bit. To each their own path and this one works for me despite some pain. I have a few friends and the family is bigger by an Aunt after a forced move. I have friends here and some are TG, some are CD and some are just who they are. That's what this place is. Nowhere else like it.
Write on Sue.
Kristina