Where do I belong?
My body says that I'm a man. my heart, mind and soul tell me that I'm a woman.
I like women. I am drawn to thought of having sex with men, even though I am not attracted to men.
I try to talk to people. To make friends. But I have no friends. I have not had a real friend in about 14 years.
I try to blend in. to be accepted. I fail miserably.
I try to be a quiet person. People just think I have a bad attitude.
I try to be a funny person. I just get in trouble.
My family wants to talk to me more. I have nothing to say. I try but it's useless.
I want to lose weight. I can't stick to a diet.
I want to find someone to love. But how can I lie to them? How could I tell them the truth?
I do not want to be lonely. Lonelyness is all I have.
Where do I belong? Only God knows. Maybe someday, when the time is right, he will grant me peace.
Jessica Marie
Comments
Where do I belong?
*hug* I recognized myself in a lot of that.
Lisa Danielle
Me too...
Dear Jessica,
I have been through the same phase as you describe. Now decades ago. But somehow I found my way through this by accepting that a two-some future might be the life for me. That relieved me of a lot of tension and also made me more open to find friendship that was based more on a friendly relation than anything like a two-some relation. Life developed in a fairly good way anyway. I came to work in places with 20 employees or more and they became the substitute for the relation that you want ( or urge for ).
(on a more dull medical level there are som conditions that often go along with transsexualism at a higher rate than just chance, that makes it hard to establish and keep two-some relations)
Should you want more info, drop me a line to [email protected]
Best greetings
Ginnie
GinnieG
peace can be found
sometimes, you may have to sacrifice something to get it.
as for where you belong? you belong here, with us.
Getting into trouble
Oh but do I understand that. It sucks trying to play a game you don't understand. Or more accurately a part, like in a play, where you're adlibbing as best as you can, because no one bothered giving you the script.
I know that I've made mistakes that has hurt others as well as myself by guessing wrong at what my 'role' asked of me.
The only advice I was ever given was just be myself, but that's not so easy either is it? Just who are we anyways? Do we dare try and find out? Perhaps more to the point do we dare not too?
Since we've moved a year and a half ago, I left what friends I had behind. Never ever one to make them easily, I'm totally dependent on the computer in front of me for all my social contact. It might not be much, but when it's all you got you hold onto that life preserver with all of your heart.
My advice, one is to not be shy about contacting the so wonderful people here at BC, and more importantly, stay in contact. Talk to them! The second piece is to try and put aside your role. Dare to let Jessica shine or at least peek out when with others. Like I said above trying to act like you think you're suppose to when you don't even really know the rules really don't work very well. Yes, you might have to be careful about whom you hang with, but you can't be you until you let yourself be.
Okay, after rereading this I have no idea of how much of makes sense. :)
Hugs
Grover
Jessica Marie,
I went through somethinf similar as I was growing up. I knew that I was different, but not in what way. It was only as I began reading T.G. fiction and met peoople who saw through me shielding that I was able to find the real me. I am a guy who acknowledges and embraces my feminine side as well as accept any and all for who they truly are.
May Your Light Forever Shine
So difficult....
...we struggle.... I struggle every day, feeling like I don't fit in. I said to a friend once that it's like living in two different countries without having citizenship in either. You are precious, no matter where you 'reside,' dear one. You're in my heart and prayers.
Love, Andrea Lena
Nicki 'Marje Proops' Benson Speaks
My body says that I'm a man. my heart, mind and soul tell me that I'm a woman.
Then you're a woman.
I like women. I am drawn to thought of having sex with men, even though I am not attracted to men.
Who you fancy is your own business.
I try to talk to people. To make friends. But I have no friends. I have not had a real friend in about 14 years.
This could be down to your definition of the word 'friend'.
I try to blend in. to be accepted. I fail miserably.
Maybe you're trying too hard and people notice that.
I try to be a quiet person. People just think I have a bad attitude.
Or they may just think you don't share their interests.
I try to be a funny person. I just get in trouble.
Then try and be 'fun' not 'funny'
My family wants to talk to me more. I have nothing to say. I try but it's useless.
That's their problem, not yours.
I want to lose weight. I can't stick to a diet.
Cut out the crisps and chocolate.
I want to find someone to love. But how can I lie to them? How could I tell them the truth?
If you love someone, you won't want to lie to them.
I do not want to be lonely. Loneliness is all I have.
Keep in touch with us. We'll do our best.
Glib answers, I know. I'm just passing on what's worked for me.
I 'belong' in a very close circle of friends. But I don't really 'belong'.
I don't really 'belong' on this site. But I 'belong' here.
If you know what I mean.
Listen to this
http://youtu.be/RyKn4H002aw
That should be "Where do WE belong?"
Jessica,
that is almost a perfect fit for me, you just put it in a simple easy understable way. I really feel for you as i have been there for 30 years, but now that i know my issues, i am working to fix them, as much as i can at least.
HUGS Girl, you be good too yourself.
Luv,
Terri
Teresa L.