I titled this blog under travel because there is no title listed as 'Incidents' Anyway ...

Leaving WOW club in Cardiff at 3am on Sat with Mattie and Lexa (Two of the girls in stairway to heaven. Top girl Lexa third girl Mattie)
Suddenly Andrea re-appears (Second from top = fourth girl in Stairway to heaven) and declares she hasn't enough money left for a taxi and can I give her a lift home. Ever the Samaritan I agree knowing that I was breaking the law cos' the tranny van doesn't have seat-belted seats in the back. Andrea will have to sit on my make-up seat without a belt.

We get Andrea in the van when (This true honestly,) Debbie appears with a gaggle of her girl-friends from work and introduces them to her trans daughter Mattie (No 3 in Stairway to Heaven.) Debbie knows me well cos' I often pick Mattie up at their house when we go clubbing.

Anyway, I've now got five people generally milling about noisily outside WOW club in Churchill way Cardiff at 3 am.

After sorting out coats and shoes that had been swapped and borrowed (Mainly from my wardrobe in the back of the van.) I finally herd the cats together and amidst much merryment we set off to MacDonalds for an early morning milkshake. 3 in the front, legally and another 3 in the back illegally unbelted. Ho hum, I'm a sucker for helping my friends.
Anyway, we've pulled out of Mac Donalds after each buying whatever and lo and behold THREE patrol cars pull us over. Ooooooh shit!

Well the road is filled with blues and two's as another motorbike pulls up as well.

Well I open the door to step out as the patrolman approaches the car and he asks me to get back in the car please. Instead I hand him my keys to demonstrate I have no intention of doing anything stupid so he allows me to teeter on my 6 inch stilletoes while he pockets the keys and looks me up and down with a long I thin appreciative look at my legs in shiny dance tights and microscopic black dress.

"Good morning Miss, do you know why I've stopped you?"
"I think so officer."
"How many people have you got on this vehicle?" (By now the traffic is backing up and the street is a blaze of blue flashing lights!)
"Uuuuhm six officer."
"And how many seats have you got?"
"Uuuuhm three ... officer."
"Get in my car Miss."
By now four other trannies, (The girls in Stairway to Heaven) are standing on the pavement chattering away and generally expressing amusement with Mattie's mother Debbie who is struggling to stop giggling. In the car the officer explains my offence and declares that he is forced to issue a ticket because the Street Camera has recorded the hilarious goings on outside the club earlier that evening. He then asks, "How d'you want the ticket made out?"
"Is it going to court officer?"
Not if you accept that you caused the offence and you will pay the fixed penalty notice."
"Oh," say's I, "Very well then, you can make it out to Beverly Taff cos' that's the name on the back of my licence counterfoil."
"He does a double take of my paper counterfoil and grins when he see's my femme name in the special box provided on my licence to accomodate AKA's."
"We then go through the rigmarole of receiving the ticket and he turns to me then wags his head."
"Why didn't you load the van down the ally where the camera can't see you? You know the cameras are there outside the club."
I knodded then he chatted briefly about a previous incident he had attended. Gradually the dawning lit his face.
"You're that Beverly, the girl who rescued Zack about 9 months ago. I recognise you now!"
I nod somewhat embarrased by my seeming noteriety then he wags his head again.
"I'm sorry Bev. I've got to issue the ticket, you were seen on Camera you silly girl. Why make such a big show of filling your van?"
"Don't apologise officer. I was showing off to the gay and tranny crowd outside the club. I knew I was breaking the law, I was the fool for trying to help people out."
"Yeah, well you make sure they help towards the fine. It's 60 quid. ( £60 = $90)."
He then resumes chatting and I'm looking over my shoulder at the growing queue of traffic.
"Don't worry about them. My colleagues will sort them out. Have you been drinking?"
"No. I'm still teetotal."
"What nothing at all?"
"Nothing honestly, lemonades and diet cokes all night."
"Well you know I have to ask you for a breath sample."
I breath into the thingie and it's squeaky clean green, absolutely zero alcohol. He smiles and nods.
"Good. At least that's sorted. I'm going to give you the smallest penalty there is because you were driving okay and you're sober. One ticket for not wearing seatbelts. ( £60)."
I step nimbly out of the car and sway provocatively back to my van. The rest of the girls are all back in the van but the police have advised that I get them home ASAP cos we are not going far and I at least, am sober. I step easily into the van then the booking officer hurries to the van.
"Can you drive in those shoes?" (They are the 6" black and gold platform shoes in Stairway to heaven.)
"Yes officer, you saw me walking in them. I'm quite used to them."
"Let me see."
"How d'you mean?" I ask.
He opens the door again and shines his torch on my pedals.
"Show me how you'd do an emergency stop."
"I have already switched the engine on so I rev up dance swiftly and nimbly accross the pedals and demonstrate the three pedal footwork necessary for a succesful emergency stop. He nods his head and grins.
"Amazing." I'll accept that. You've got full control of the vehicle. Drive carefully now."
"Thanks officer. Good night, oh I mean good morning."
"He grins and finally adds out of earshot from his colleagues who have all now returned to their patrol cars."
"By the way, you've got brilliant legs. That walk was amazing."
On hearing this Mattie protests loudly.
"Shit officer, we'll never hear the end of that. Bev's got stunning legs and that's now official."
The officer smiles and taps the side of my van to signify release.
"Go on, you're holding up the traffic."
As I pull out onto the road I lean out of the window and reply.
"Thanks for compliment officer. It was worth the fixed penalty just so I can wind these bitches up by telling them it's official ... Bev's got brilliant legs."
"On your way now Beverly, before I book you for indecent exposure. That dress is way too short."

Oh worra' night (and morning!).

The tranny van is becoming notorious!

Below is Stairway to heaven. Bottom to top; Callista, Me, Mattie, Andrea, Lexa. Worra-lorra laughs.