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So there I was, Sunday morning club rides and I'm turned up in the normal Welsh drizzle expecting a nice 28 mile amble with the group fours; only to find no other group fours or even group threes had turned up. I'm debating taking off on my own and enjoying a nice pleasurable ride at my own pace all nice and regular like but oooooh nooo!
"No Bev", says Les the club secretary, "come on out with the group twos, we'll take it easy for you."
"Yeah!!!!!" Says I as I look pointedly up into the rain sodden clouds and the 'unsolvable porcine equasions of flight' refuse to leave my head.
"No Honest Bev," Says Les. "We'll go easy on you. It's wrong for you to show the support and we let you down by making you cycle alone. We'll go easy on you honestly."
So full of the requisite trepidation I climb gingerly onto my bike and set off feeling extremely self conscious. Ten miles and I'm sounding like a steam, shunting locomotive. Then they take to the hills, (WELSH HILLS!!!) Not yer ordinary Cotswolds or Downs or Pennine stuff but real ten mile ascents. I didn't even know such climbs existed in South Wales. I do now!
Doesn't take long for me to start pleading sanctury so a couple of the really strong group one boys, (Real hard men) drop back and give me a shove on the bum, (A somewhat, soft rounded girly bum, I might point out.) and some muttered comments are made about my fitness and muscle mass. Well we get half way and stop for the midway coffee, (thirty miles,) and I arrive wheezing like an old grampus with the club gathered rather protectively around me.
"Bev." Asks one of the hard men. "How long have you been cycling?"
"B'out two years and a bit," says I innocently.
"You should be fitter than that, you've got poor muscle definition."
"What. Is that why you were pushing my arse, just feel me up?"
"Well, no, but you must admit, you don't have much muscle and your very light, what are you 11 stone 7 (161 lbs)?"
"Yeah, b'out that."
"Your arse felt more like a womans'!" Says the dentist who had given me a couple of helping pushes."
I fell silent. I'm not officially 'out' in the club. I've been thinking about coming out fully but not just yet. This guy however is at least a thoughtful, tactful guy and he waits until we're going back and it's mostly downhill or flat. He slides in alongside me at the back and starts to chat. Eventually he comes right out with it for he had seen my boobs swelling under the lycra shirt as I pulled down my long-legged bib tights to have a pee.
"Are you having a sex change?" he asks very quietly. Nobody else can hear him.
"Uhhhm, no, says I, I'm a sort of inbetweenie. I'll never grow male muscles, that's why I normally cycle with the group fours who are mostly women."
"Ahhh." He sighs. "That explains everything. Lots of the lads have seen you out almost every day and you should have come along much faster than you are."
"So now you know, what' d'you intend to do?" Asks I.
Nothing. When you come out with us again, I'll just tell the lads to do the same as we did today, give you the odd push."
I snort with disbelief.
"Pah! When I come out with you again? When! Listen Bugsie this'll be the first and last time!! I'm bladdered." Protests I.
Bugsie ignores my protests and presses on.
"Does anybody else in the club know?" Asks Bugsie, (Everybody's got a bloody nickname in Wales.)
I hesitate thoughtfully then confess.
"Uuuuhhhm yes. Some of the girls in group four. I'm more at ease with women and they're more understanding. Les the secretary also knows and he's been very good about it. Shtum's the word.
"Okay, I certainly won't mention it. So why don't you come out and tell the rest of the club?" Asks Bugsie.
"Dunno how they'll react. I'll suck it and see. I just don't want it to be used against me in anyway. There's some macho, competitive guys in the club and they might object to me ever coming out on a group two again. Truth is, I can't see me coming out with the two's again, I'm ruining your ride. I'll stick with the group fours."
Bugsie gives a little snort of laughter then explains.
"Don't you know why the lads are giving you a push on some of the steeper hills?!"
"Yeah, probably to feel my arse."
No Bev. Think about it mate. What do those lads have to do to give you a push."
"Work like hell." Says I, still not getting the point. Then suddenly, the penny drops.
"Shit. I didn't think of that!!" Theyre using me to improve their own fitness. By pushing me they're working harder!"
There's a long pause as Bugsie's face splits into a grin.
"Jeeze. At last you've got it. They want you out with them. They can use you for hill-work. So who do you think might be the macho hard men who might object."
"Oh I dunno', Tank maybe and Skippy," replies I, "but maybe I'm being unfair. I dunno'. After what you've just pointed out, I've got a different take. But what about Coker? He seems a particularly 'in your face' sort of guy."
"I can't speak for Coker but he's usually group one anyway. Tank won't object, I know that for certain." Says Bugsie.
"How?"
"He's gay."
As we are speaking, 'Tank' is leading the pack and pulling us along like nobodys' business. On learning this news, I credit myself with managing to keep my wheel steady and not wobbling off the side of the road. Hamlet's one very skittish little filly anyway, it doesn't take much to come off her. Managing to sound blase' I reply.
"Oh, is he really. Well, it takes all sorts doesn't it."
Yeah," replied Bugsie, "don't be so worried about it Bev."
We cycle in silence then while the 'Welsh Sunshine' really begins to bite and it travells horizintally through even the most watertight garments. I'm thinking long and hard.
So now I've got a dillemma. Should I 'come out to the whole club or not?
It would mean coming out in my home town and that's a huge issue for my boss. (Better half.)
Ho hummm.
Lifes never simple is it.
Bev
Comments
uhm
ok im lost whats a group 4 2 etc?
I hate to say this and will probbaly get flack for it. But more often than not the only person you are hiding yourself from is you. People are not all that easy to fool.
That said, the ones that do react may be in the closet about something themselves and will react in jealousy.
Groupings
In our club, the groupings are entirely an internal classification based on time trialing and road racing results. It's one of the biggest cycle clubs in Wales with well over 150 members and all of them active to a lesser or greater degree.
Saturdays see's as many as thirty gathered for a ride and Sundays sometimes even more. We look like a flock of Macaws gathered for a feeding frenzy.
In class one the standards are very high. We have two current junior Welsh champions, several past champions (senior and junior) We also have one British champion but we very rarely see him in the summer. I've met him twice now at the Sunday Morning winter meets because he's home for Christmas. he's off doing foreign stuff after January. Then there are about twenty five really fit strong men who comprise the bulk of the club's competition team. Plus a couple of ladies who can hold their own if they're taking a flat route to Cardiff or Llanelli. On Saturdays they average 25 plus mph on the level. Usually there are about five or six of these guys off doing the 'Group One' thing.
The class two are also a pretty high standard and maintain a respectable 20 plus mph on a normal club road ride. Usually between five and ten in this group on Sundays.
The class threes are members who like cycling for pleasure, fitness and sociability. These are the backbone of the club and usually form a group of about 10 to sometimes 15 for the weekend rides. Usually between 17 and 20 mph.
I've ridden with these guys but it's still bloody hard work for me and I'm not talking much (Duh!) The hills kill me and Wales has hills a'plenty.
Finally the group fours comprise about ten of us, mostly novices ... Women, Children, Old men, One 'Inbetweenie' and usually a couple of the clubs' officers who rotate the escort and training duties between themselves. Normally we do about 28 to 40 miles on a Sunday at an average of 8 to 15 mph. The club is clever insofar as they organise the routes in figure-of-eights so that the groups often meet up half way at a popular cycle cafe in Ewenny, or Ton Du or Gower peninsular Swansea. They descend on the cafe like a hord of hungry beasts (The young kids love it cos they're allowed to eat what they like, - well everybody likes it.) Most of us choose Welsh cakes and pots of tea between each table.
Sorry, I'm rambling now but that's what I do on my bike as well - ramble. I'm loving the clubs activities for it's a very enthusiatic club. So much so that there are another dozen or so 'Secondary club members who belong to other clubs but choose to ride with Port Talbot Wheelers cos' we're so sociable and the meets are more certain of at least two or three groups going out every Saturday or Sunday. Yesterday was exceptional cos lots of the group fours were Christmas shopping.
Yep, I'm enjoying my cycling. I never thought I'd ever get to ride in company and enjoy it.
As to coming out, well I think most members are not bothered. Provided I make up the numbers in the lower groups to help teach the young kids without discouraging them, then it's fine by the club members. (Though I'm certainly no expert. I simply do as the officers ask me and ride where I'm wanted to demonstrate discipline and road sense. Kids can get a bit out of hand and be a danger to themselves in traffic.)
It's also fine by me cos there's usually two or three mums or lady riders to chaperone stuff and that protects me from any unwelcome suggestions. Anyway most of the kids between 12 and 16 can easily beat me. Nobody under 12 is allowed out unless accompanied by a parent or grandparent, preferably 2. The group four also serves as the 'nursery'
Cheers for now. It's Monday and back to the grindstone.
Bev.
Growing Old Disgracefully
nope, life is never simple.
under the circumstances, it sounds like you'd be okay.
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Only you...
Only you can answer that, but, I kinda figure you knew that and weren't really asking us for an answer... Fascinating story, to be honest. Sounds like a big chunk of the club already know where you are. Lucky person you! Do let us know what you decide, and if you choose to let the rest of the club in on your "secret", I'd love to hear how it goes.
Best of luck.
Anne
I thought it would be the
I thought it would be the hardest thing to come out at work years ago, at the time I worked for a major fire and security firm with hundreds of MALE engineers and lots of old school MALE managers.
One male manager in particular always struck me as the kind of male chovanist/homaphobic type, he was also ladies man and was forever chatting up any girl in close proximity.
The management n HR knew and we were planning when it'd happen but circumstances threw everything in the air, I was off on wednesday and at the time living with my parents, my dad refused to allow me to dress in HIS home but due to circumstances he eventually agreed.
I called work thursday to say I'd be transitioning, by thursday afternoon HR had organised meetings for each department. By friday they had talked to everyone they could but due to the nature of the company there were a lot of reps, engineers etc unable to be told.
They asked what I wanted to do, did I want a week off thus allowing HR to inform everyone or did I just want to come back monday en femme.
I thought stuff it, I'd be there Monday as myself. Monday came too quickly lol I was nervous as hell but determined to go to work as if nothing had changed.
I walked in full of confidence and did my job, never once did I hide away, I walked around passing out files and chatting to people as if the only change was pronouns, nobody flubbed them either, and I got a lot of double takes and compliments.
At the end of the day I was outside waiting for my mom who also worked there when the manager I always saw as homophobic etc came up to me and said.
"I just wanted to come and tell you how brave I thought you were, when they told us last friday I expected the worst. When you came in though I was busy thinking who's the new girl, it wasn't until I saw you at your desk that I realised who you were. You could have been shy and hid behind your desk all day, but you got out there waking around the office as if nothing had changed, not only that but you worked just as hard as always, I just wanted you to know I really admire you for that."
With that he gentally shook my hand and went home while I stood in complete shock. Here was the guy who appeared as the most male chovanistic sexist, homeaphobic womaniser I knew and he'd just accepted me and complimented me and I was stunned.
It goes to show you really can't judge a book by it's cover, coming out differs from group to group, it sounds like group 2 are a decent bunch, there's no guarantees, then again in life there is only one guarantee for everyone.
Whether you decide to or not can only be your choice, just remember have confidence if you do, as you can see from my own account things dont always go bad. Forunately for me I worked for the company for over 2 more years and it was only due to redundancy that I no longer work there. During that time I never had a problem from most, and that one problem was from a woman complaining about my use of the female restroom, but after HR had a talk it was resolved.
I'll stop waffling now.
(Big hugs)
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Bev, this is your home turf.
Personally, I don't think you need to come out to anyone, just be who you are, and let them draw their own conclusions, eh? Of course this is just my own opinion. As long as you get to live a life pleasing to you, whose business is it?
I can't be unbiased about this because I was going to get a castration and not come out. It was through an awful twist of fate that I was outed, and thrown out. Later, under the influence of psych drugs, I decided to go ahead with transition. In my clouded mental state, it seemed like a good idea.
It seems that your wife has been extremely supportive over the years and revealing too much could make her feel disgraced. Just a thought.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
"come on out with the group twos, we'll take it easy for you."
How many times have I heard that, believed it, and regretted it!
As to your dilemma, you can do no more than talk it through with The Boss.
=)
Hills hills hills. If Wales were ironed out flat, it would have a greater surface area than England.
This talk of "hilly places" has me thinking hopefully about the future...
- - -
BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ;D ...But I do like cuddles from soft but strong arms... ^_^
