When You Say Nothing at All!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bNfay6HiUo&feature=related
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
Yesterday evening after therapy, Mrs. D. and I were talking about the impact that my father's physical abuse had on me and my siblings, and the conversation turned slowly to how impossible it would have been to confront my parents with my gender issues. It's really the first significant conversation we've had about gender since she came across one of my stories several weeks back.
We talked about gender and sexual orientation and stereotypes, and how I never had been attracted to boys, which brought a relieved half-smile to her face. We talked about how my mother knew a bit about what was going on and how my late sister probably knew as well. Mrs. D. also seemed to concede for the first time that my gender issues did predate the sexual abuse my sister and I experienced at the hands of my mother's brother and my father both.
We talked about how I wanted her to understand more of where I was coming from, but like someone who is put on the spot to sing impromptu, I felt unable to explain. She's agreed to read some of my work and I'm both thrilled and deathly afraid of her reaction. I have only my faith in God and my faith in her love to go on, but 'only' seems really an understatement, since I've never been disappointed by either. So sometime in the next few weeks at her convenience and level of comfort, I'll be sitting with her as she reads, and I hope that it will lead to more fruitful discussions.
I know she'll love and accept me either way, and those are both wonderful. I just hope she gets to understand me better. I've been crying almost non-stop over this the past two days when I've time to myself, and I know you folks understand and know the fear I am dealing with, in spite of our love for each other. Kristie, my therapist, asked me if I could have anything, all things being possible, what would it be. I honestly don't know yet other than that no matter what, that Mrs. D. would understand me and know that I'm still the 'boy' she married, even if my heart has finally remembered just how much of a girl I've always been.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, okay? Andrea
When You Say Nothing at All
Allison Krauss and Union Station
Comments
Nothing to Say?
Even when you're not talking, you're saying something. Communication is so much more then pretty words spoken, or an absently made hand gesture.
Your stories speak to those willing to listen, and Mrs. D seems to want to listen. You're saying a lot, just by being there, willing to help, to teach. Even if you say nothing.
Understanding comes only to those that want to understand, after all, and if Mrs. D wants to understand, she will.
I wish you both luck, and strength.
Now, excuse me, I suddenly want to go back and read your stories again, to read you say something to me again.
at least she's making an effort
if she reads your work with anything like an open mind, it should help her understand. Good luck, I'm praying for you both.
Dorothycolleen
Your work
You need to have a selection ready. Your fiction is usually the sort of thing I approve of (big-headed? Me?) in the sense that it is human, humane and generous, as well as being literate and well-written. What you do need to show her is your silliness, your daft spoofs and song parodies. Get her sitting beside you, groaning in mock pain at some atrocious pun or parody.
Take it from there. You have had a good start.
We Say Things In Many Different Ways
Dearest 'Drea,
My wife knows about the girl inside me; however, it's not brought up very often, unless by accident. She won't read my stories in spite of my encouraging her to do it by putting the stories on her computer and our Kindle. Her best friend and our good friend for more than 40 years has read the California Saga stories. Her favorites were the Narragansett Forkk and Musetta's Waltz. Our daughter has read them all, and the fact her father could write anything shocked the hell out her. She's also read much of the Cynthia Chronicles. She's said she liked them all. My sister has read them all, and has been very positive. The only negative thing that has happened was when my wife's friend was asked when she was reading Musetta's Waltz why she would want to read anything about a transgendered person. Although the person who asked the question didn't put it so delicate terms. He's a true asshole, though, and we all know it.
I guess the question is this. Our families and friends have known us for years. How much of the true self do they see (or read) when they read our stories. When I read your stories, first and foremost I see a kind, caring person with significant insight into human feelings. Does it matter whether you're a girl on the outside or inside. I don't think so. You are the whole package. We both are. Maybe our stories give some insight about our persona; however, even at this site, that is not always the case. Some of us are just very creative writers who are able to create stories without revealing their inner selves. I think many of the writers here, though, expose their souls with every stroke of the pen they put to the keyboard. This is a great outlet.
I think I want to give you and Mrs. D. a hug and kiss, and say 'Hang in there'. It can only get better, and it will. Every day is one less in the allotted amount. We need to make the best of them. Keep your chin up.
Portia
Portia
Yeah! Not Just The Kleenex Kween
I'm with Steph. Your talent spans from songstress to serendipity to silliness and from weepy to whacky. Show Mrs D. a selection.
WE know how talented you are and you don't just wallow in the ache to be recognised as your inner self. You're a good human being both seen and unseen. Show her that, dear 'Drea,
Joanne
I join your good friends who wish you luck
RAMI
Dear Andrea,
It is wonderful to hear that Mrs. D, has agreed to read Andrea's (your) stories. That is an important step for both of you. It is very important for you to pick the best stories possible. The stories that show who you are, and what you need in your life.
RAMI
RAMI
Drea, I can only echo what
Drea,
I can only echo what others have said. I would pick out one story that says what you want it to say, that will give a clue to your soul that you want to share. I agree though that you need to include a happy Fun peace as well.
You are always in my thoughts, and FanficWriter and I wish you and Mrs. D only the best.
Hugs to you both,
Kristy
Ah, okay
I know some say... be careful. I understand why. Yet you are who you are and many here feel your words and personality. I suspect Mrs D is not too far apart. She has known you a long time. Do not sell her short.
Believe me I know how hard trust is.. and how ephemeral. Yet this is someone you share your life with and yes..trust. Give her your choice and then... open the vault. If she is half the woman you portray, almost an ideal to many here perhaps, she will at worst stumble, but nod in acknowledgement. Understanding is no easy thing, but you have a chance, better than most.
gentle wahh bow
Kristina
A tip
Mind you, I can do this because I still have an HP4000 Laserjet printer in perfect working order from when I used to be a hot-shot software contractor, but there are cheaper alternatives:
Every story I put on the web I also print off a hard copy for 'the archives'. Sometimes it is easier to search back through the hard-copy than it is to plough through dozens of files looking for something (although you can't grep paper, not that I know of). Sometimes it's easier to spot the bloopers, too.
Print off one copy of each of your stories, dear. You don't have to make them big and fancy, just comfortable enough to read. I print on A4, reduced margins, 8 point, double sided, to squeeze as much onto each page as possible - saves paper, too. Remember to put the page # and file name in the footer.
That way, the missus can take the copy away and peruse it in comfort and, if she wants it, seclusion. I suspect that you'll get the same reaction mine did, she discovered a whole new side to me. I don't think she really knew, despite the (mumble) years we've been together, just what a story teller I've always been. And you are by far a much better story teller than I am!
Sounds like you have solid progress, there. I'm so pleased for you. It has made my relationship so much fuller, and I hope you'll have a similar result.
Penny