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First, thank you all for the offer of giving me a place in your home. I do appreciate it, I've now created an account, and I may drop in on occasion. Unfortunately, it doesn't really solve the problem.
The problem is this: because Kristy is a CD, because TGs are a (very short) step up from unacceptable in our world, the two of us have decided not to out hir. Which means that, publicly, I can't say anything about it. Which means, it all lives in a box and I can't integrate my whole life anywhere.
I rarely need to discuss TG issues. I've known Kristy was CD for almost 27 years, about three years before we got married. We've had our ups and downs, but these days, it's mostly OK.
But. I have a blog. I talk about my life. I talk about my current weight loss journey. I can't say how cool it is that I just found another piece of clothing that no longer fits that I've given to Kristy. And how cool it is that zhe can wear it.
I can't grumble about the reasons the drapes have to stay closed as a default. I can't talk about how absolutely fabulous my son is. There's an entire part of my life that I can't talk about with anyone but my husband and son. It isn't that there aren't places to discuss it; it's that I don't want to have to go somewhere else to do it. I want my life integrated. And I can't have it.
I know it's nothing y'all don't have to deal with all the time. I just keep thinking of all these cool blog posts that I can't share with my f-list. The people who know me, the fandom-loving, fanfic-writing me. This isn't a place I can call "home"; I'm only here because I'm a CD's wife, not because of me.
I will say that I'm grateful beyond words that Kristy has found a home for hirself here. Y'all are a great group of people. But I want to be me, all of me, on my own blog. That was really what I was complaining about.
I have to admit, though, that it was very nice to see all of the comments accepting me and the possibility of my needing to discuss issues I might have with people accepting of me. You're all great!
Comments
Thank you.
Thank you for accepting this side of Kristy. I wish you luck in finding the "ear" you need, when you need to get things off your chest.
My wife goes through a similar (though not the same) set of issue, though, in our case I'm TS... And moving toward transition. Yes, this is tough on her (& the kids)... But, (so far anyway) our 30 year marriage is still holding together... And sometimes seems stronger.
There are times I think that all this is harder on YOU (spouses/families) than on us... When we get to be who we are, our society seems to "frown".
Glad you enjoy writing! I used to be active in one fanfic community... They can be quite active and rewarding.
Best wishes to you, and thank you again.
Anne
Thank you; it's nice when
Thank you; it's nice when you ladies "get" how tough it is for the other halves. To be honest, though, these days it's really just my life. That's what I find frustrating, that I can't just talk about all of my life. As I said, nothing you don't know thoroughly yourself.
Good luck on the transition, and to your family.
My darling wife, welcome to
My darling wife, welcome to Big Closet. I know that you know how much this place that Erin has provided means to me, and so many others.
The responses I received today to my blog post looking for some advice on how to assist you, just continues to confirm what I have known for a long time, that this is a wonderfully caring community.
I am glad that I posted the blog this morning, for two reasons, first it was good to recieve the many comments that I did both privately and the public ones. (We will look into the ones that make sense.) Second and perhaps more importantly, is that it opened up further dialogue with you on what your issues were and has led to a further understanding.
I wish I had an easy solution to the problem that being deep in the closet presents. As I know you know, I hate it as much as you do. I am blessed that I am able to share it with you and Max, and I can't stress enough how grateful I am for that, but I am sorry that in so doing, the force field of my closet has had to extend around you and Max.
Love you,
Kristy
Love you, too, sweetie.
And really not much else to say.
Coming to know you a bit...
...elsewhere...the blending of personae for both you and me and your fiction; I have had a wondrous time getting to know you in your world as a fantastic author, and I have been blessed by your writing. I'm so glad that you have that outlet where you do gain some measure of recognition, but as you say, the integration at least at the present time has no avenue. And I know that you know how I do understand. It has been a significant part of my healing and recovery to have gottent to know your family, even if only in part, and I take great comfort and encouragement from the care you folks have given me over the last two years. From a fan of yours and hopefully a friend as well!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Your responses to this have
Your responses to this have been lovely. I'm so, so happy that Kristy has found you as a friend.
And I'm glad you enjoy my stories. (Hint: I put another one up in the past week, and a second will be going up today.)
Bright Blessings to you and yours.
Hi Mrs Lady
Maybe you could write a story about our fan. My daddy told me not to but I put my finger in it ..... and I got a owie.
~hgus, Ralphie Wiggums
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU
In The Corner!
What have you been told about putting your fingers in places they don't belong? Hmmmm?
Finding out the hard way
Finding out the hard way does seem to be the way many children learn to listen. *sigh* I wish they'd listen to us occasionally.
So, next time, listen to
So, next time, listen to your daddy, silly girl.
Hugs
Welcome FanficWriter it's
Welcome FanficWriter it's nice to see you, it's also nice to see the support both you and Kristy show one another. I hope you find a way to express yourself in a way thats comfortable to all involved. Congratulations on the weight loss, I know how exciting it can get realising you have to edit your wardrobe cause stuff doesn't fit. My moms the same, she's been working so hard dropping her weight.
Everytime I see her which is sadly every few weeks cause of distance she tells me how she's had to throw several dresses out or had to put new notches in her belts so her jeans dont fall down. And congrats Kirsty on expanding your wardrobe (grins)
Anyway wish you all the best
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Yes, I am most definitely
Yes, I am most definitely getting quite a kick out of this. Since we are both losing weight, I'm fitting into things of hers that I never would have dreamed of being able to wear.
Most of my stuff is in the 32w range, but I recently inherited a 24w skirt from her that she never wore and it fits...
I've actually lost 53 pounds since January.
Very, very cool.
Hugs,
Kristy
Thanks; it is pretty cool,
Thanks; it is pretty cool, and it's loads of fun seeing how happy it makes Kristy. :-D
I just wish I hadn't stalled out and could get it started again. (And that it wasn't so dratted much easier for men.)
Yeah...
Wish (almost) I'd known how much harder it was BEFORE I started HRT. LOL. That said - encouraging partners REALLY helps. :-) Hope you both are able to reach your goals - despite occasional pauses on plateaus.
Anne
Try not to stress over it
Try not to stress over it just keep doing what you've been doing. weight loss does seem to stall for everyone at some point it hasn't it just seems like it, in actual fact if I recall correctly its something to do with muscles, if your working out as well as being on a diet at some point the weight is still coming off but at the same time the exercise it adding to muscle density. It litterally makes it appear thet your no longer losing weight when in reality you'll find that you will still drop dress sizes periodically.
You may find it's not as fast as initially but keep with it
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
just a thought
But the writing of a story, even if posted only here, that shows/deals with some of the stresses of a woman dealing with her husbands CD tendencies may help quite a bit. Emotional clarity maybe. Not sure how simple or even realistic that might be but it sounds like a possibility.
Many that write here do it for similar reasons, to explore feelings and perhaps understand them better. I know I do just that at times.
Anyway, it's nice to see a bit of openness and acceptance and I think we all understand how 'not simple' that can be at times. Good luck with it all both of you.
Kristina
Thanks for the thoughts and
Thanks for the thoughts and ideas.
I'm not likely to write about it in fiction, though. My writing is mostly escapism and my muses go in different directions. (It's lovely to know, though, that if that changes, I'll have a place and people to share it with.)
Thanks!
Don't forget, you can always
use the private message system so nothing is public. I'm sure Kristy could point out a couple of people she might consider safe to have a chat with. And there is always the chat room.
Thanks. I actually know a
Thanks. I actually know a few names from things Kristy has said (or had me read). It's not a bad idea, for when I'm in the mood to chat. (OTOH, chat rooms intimidate me, so they're hard.)
One Of The Unsung Masterpieces
On this site there is a story by Kristie called "Two Roads".
I think it says how much she loves you,
Annalise
It is a lovely story, and I
It is a lovely story, and I have no doubt about much Kristy loves me. (And spoils me. Rotten.)
I'm Kristine Roland's Wife. And you're a great bunch!
Remember that we do have a chat room.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Thanks; I'll remember it. I
Thanks; I'll remember it. I find chat rooms very intimidating, though.
Welcome
You are kind and understanding and accepting of much that a lesser person would flee from. If there were more of you in the world, it would be a better place. You've earned the right to vent if you need to.
P.S. Thank you for sharing Kristy with us.
It's nice to meet you; I've
It's nice to meet you; I've heard a lot about you.
I don't feel especially kind (although I'll grant accepting); I get as much as I give with Kristy. My issues may be a little more socially "acceptable", but zhe makes my life much better by loving and accepting me. (Venting isn't a problem. Kristy knows when I have something to say. ;-) )
I'm delighted to share Kristy with y'all. It's truly a case in which sharing increases what's shared. :-D
Integration
Although you'd love to fully integrate both halves of your relationship with the world at large, sadly while there are a still a significant number of "less enlightened" people in the world, they'll have to remain separate.
However, at least by joining this community, you can share aspects of your life / relationship which cannot be shared on your 'usual' networks. We're a very mixed bunch - as others have hinted, we not only have TG / CD themselves, but relatives, spouses, friends... and a few whose first contact with anyone TG was via this site, and probably don't know anyone outside the confines of this site who is. On a global scale, as well as a sizeable group from the US, there's also a strong UK contingent, plus people from as far afield as Canada, Russia and even New Zealand!
As you've probably gathered, we're mostly harmless and also avid readers / writers - so if you're ever bored enough, feel free to dip your toes into some of the oodles of stories here... you never know, at some indeterminate point in future, you may even be tempted to submit a story of your own here or dabble in one of this site's story universes... :D
Anyway, welcome on board, and enjoy the show :)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
You're a writer
That means you do have a way to talk about this - indirectly.
For instance you might blog on how you hubby supports your weight loss and cheers every time another piece of clothing no longer fits. That he likes to go shopping with you because 'a great piece of art always deserves a beautiful frame' and that every old frame you give away will make some woman's husband a very happy person also. You just don't have to mention it's yours!
You might slyly mention that your hubby enjoys impromptu fashion shows so you've learned to keep the drapes closed so you don't shock the neighbors. You don't have to say that they are his shows (grin).
Use your imagination and you'll find you can express yourself AND include this part of YOUR life.
Commentator
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thanks for being willing to share with us
it may sound dumb, but how sure are you that she wouldn't be accepted or at least tolerated? I thought I'd be lynched going out, and now I'm working as Dorothy. Things have improved a lot in that department. In any case, you are more than welcome to drop by anytime you need someone to talk to.
Dorothycolleen
Since I have no intention of
Since I have no intention of transitioning, the risk/reward ratio just makes it not worth the attempt. Much as I would like to be able to just relax and be Kristy when I need to be and be accepted as either, that isn't going to happen.
Hugs,
Kristy
You give me strength
...every word in every way, and I thank you so much for that! I'm so glad I found you folks!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena