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Blog By Stanman63 My name is Brett Lynn Micheals, I have transitioned from a boy into a girl, thanks to my parents footing the bill for my surgery and protecting me from harm. If not for them, I'd be another of those weird statistics in the morgue either from murder or suicide. You see, early on, I had to camouflage myself in order to avoid all of those narrow minded bigots who think that they either know what God would do, and use their learning to justify their ideas, as well as the gangs out looking to bash those that they see as different. From Wood Lake Elementary School all the way to Wood Lake High School, I wore the girl's uniform and passed as a girl, thanks to an orchiectomy done thanks to an arrow and Daddy's calling in a favor from Unca Joe. Now, all that I have is a penis kept under a gaffe so that I could pass as a girl. But even so, I knew that I could NEVER experience menses, vaginal sex, or childbirth. Oh how I want to be like them! But because of an accident in Mother's womb, I was born in with a plumbing problem. There are many names and labels foisted upon us by the ignorant and narrow minded bigots, but we know who we are and only ask to be accepted. I had to listen to Mother to know what menses was like and about when I'd go through it IF I was a girl in body. My biggest worry was that when I said that I went through my menses, the girls would want to explore. Luckily, my parents took me to a surgeon who had me to sit in that strange chair made for the examination of women and TUCKED what I had up inside of me to give me a realistic vagina. BUT for a of its authenticity, I still could not participate in vaginal sex as I had no depth. No, it was not until my surgery that I could truly be like most women, except that I could not give birth to my very own children. Oh, I could actually carry a child IF the fetus was implanted, but it would be by C-section, NOT by vaginal delivery. And I MIGHT be able to breastfeed. Having no testosterone in my system, I went through a girl's puberty. And thanks to being on blockers, my body produced it's very own estrogen, so that I have a girl's body. I can also detect OTHER girls like me as well as crossdressers by seeing the subtle telltale signs that most are blind to, like my husband. Alvin Leonard Micheals and I grew up together, and he saw through my disguise. But instead of outing me, he helped me to keep my secret and is my only lover. We were surprised to learn that I actually am intersexed, having a vaginal canal, meaning no need to dilate. Heck, according to my gynecologist, I might even be able to give birth. Would that not be wonderful? Finis |
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Stanman May Your Light Forever Shine |
Comments
The Joy of Menses
Hi Stan, off the top of my head here, and these are only my opinions:
I'm not sure how authentically this conveys the feelings of an MtF transgender person but it is very revealing about what interests you as the story's writer; the various anatomical details. The one thing I related to was the sentance dealing with a desperate sense of wrongness about being physically a boy. You might want to expand on that, those feelings, and have a little less stuff about plumbing issues, IMHO. There are other- I would guess more typical feelings that the unlikely testicualar accident, super-accepting parents and early transition (not to mention the total Deus ex Machina of discovering she's actually intersex) eliminated any need to delve into; although good for your heroine that she had this. And I did like the parts about how bigotry is bad, that's always a safe bet. The term "Very special girl" kind of reminds me of the Special Olympics or Jerry's Kids or something, but then so do I sometimes...
~hugs, Veronica
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LATER: Ah, I see you've edited out the I AM A VERY SPECIAL GIRL line. I do like it better without; Although editing this version as people comment on it makes the comments seem less relevent or accurate, and has a kind of sleazy "sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened" feel to it; but maybe that's just my own perception.
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
No
I did explain, nicely. Ronnie has picked out the two phrases that are ...correct.
More fully
I tried, I really tried, to explain what it is I feel, and what I can only assume others like me feel. Acceptance. feeling right in my body. Being loved, or if that is too much, being liked as myself. Sex is not in that list, nor is menstruation. Motherhood is a separate pain that can never be fulfilled, but it is not connected to any desire for blood out or penis in. Sorry to any readers for my bluntness there, but all I have ever wanted is congruency; congruency of mind, body and perception.
I tried, but the writing above has reduced me to tears of frustration at--well, work it out.
No!No! No!
ALISON
'like Cyclist I am too upset and crying to comment.If this is what BCTS has come to,
count me out,it is disgusting.
ALISON
Your ending?
...nothing wrong with being intersexed; I imagine many of us would love to discover that about ourselves. But it really defeats the purpose of the story; the easy out that says, don't worry, you'll fit in because you're really a girl after all. Playing it safe can be helpful, but not when you want to learn and grow. Everything just becomes clinical and dispassionate without crisis or emotion, and leaves me wondering if you came to the end of the story feeling relieved that you didn't have to shed those tears or bow your head in shame.
How much more impact would it have if there weren't any last minute discoveries. The life of adoption and learning about grace and truth by going through the disappointment many of us share, rather than avoiding it. The joy of knowing someone loves you even if your body isn't what you should have been born with. I understand that you want to understand, and that's a good thing, but you walk up to the edge of the water, so to speak but then tell folks what it was like to swim without having actually jumped in.
This story is actually one of your best efforts. What remains disappointing, however, is that it doesn't really do what you explained you were trying to accomplish. As a story about a young man who discovers he's actually a girl, it works fairly well. But it doesn't have the sense of really saying what you wanted to say...how it FEELS to be set apart and feeling less than a genetic girl. Rather than show us that contrast, you've eliminated it altogether, which isn't wrong, but answers no questions and provides no insight. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. It really is the written difference between sympathy and empathy; both great character assets, but different.
Your story shows that you feel sorry FOR anyone who deals with the issue of transgenderism. What you really should be going for is how you feel WITH them; sharing those same sad tears and heartbreaking losses. Showing us through your character the pain-etched face of shame and guilt and rejection instead of telling us. I hope this makes it clearer, and is helpful.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Tee Dar?
Ah yes...my partner Alice has that special power in my own ret-con universe. Oh, of course she was helped along by the hands that are a bit larger than hers and the deeper timber of my baritone, but other than that, yes, those differences are so subtle, aren't they. Well, alrighty then!
a couple of thoughts
A very rough and quick edit.
Par 1 delete 'footing the bill for my surgery' and the word weird, perhaps substitute sad.
Par 2 yeah...ohhkay
Par 3 stop at passed as a girl, delete the rest.
Par 4 delete
Par 5 yeah okay
Par 6 change to My biggest worry was being discovered as not quite a regular girl.
Par 7 delete
Par 8 delete
Par 9 rearrange a little but yeah..ohhkay
Par 10 reword
Par 11 Okay...rolls eyes at the intersex thing...but ohhkay.
Happily ever after, harps and stuff.
There ya go, take this for what it's worth huh
Kristina
Perhaps I can make a couple of suggestions?
Stan, without commenting directly on what you posted, perhaps I can make a couple of suggestions?
There are many, many, published first-person accounts by individuals who are (or were) transgendered. You might spend time reading a variety of those accounts. A considerably amount of time, because you need to read enough to understand the variety of experiences and feeling the authors express. Just to be clear, I'm talking about factual autobiographical accounts, not some questionable internet writing which may be more fiction or fantasy than fact.
You might also try your hand at writing from a different perspective. How about a story from the point of view of a man who is trying to understand the feelings of a transsexual (or formerly so) woman? Or, a man who is grappling with his own feelings about a transsexual woman? The effort you put into those might help you better understand yourself, and write better fiction.
Kris
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
Oh, I Do So Love It
It's very short, so it doesn't waste too much of our time reading it.
With a bit of editing, as suggested by Kristina, it will be even shorter, so then it will waste even less of our time.
Perhaps if it's posted as a drabble, it will almost be the perfect length.....almost,
Joanne
P.S. Post it on FM too. I love the reviews over there.
Regarding your previous blog?
I am doing a Challenge story where a T-Girl talks about how she is different from genetic girls and how she copes with being different. I hope that I will do justice to my friends here. I respect all of you and hope that my respect shows through.
I will not question your respect, since I cannot know your mind. As far as doing justice goes, I'm sorry Stanley, but you fell short by a considerable distance. You took nothing of what was said to you into account when you posted this, while already being quite aware that it would indeed upset more than just a few here, since you requested forgiveness beforehand. And the cautions and remarks to your previous blog bear me out.
Misconceptions and misunderstandings aside, you seem to display an emotional disconnect with your subject; as if you were on the outside looking in. I am truly sorry you decided to go ahead and post this without first considering and perhaps implementing the many suggestions you received. What you are left with is your attempt to tell our story without listening to our voices; something I believe you will be sorely pressed to justify, should you ever actually reply to the comments you have already received.