Just a bit of babbling -

I started a series recently - Aidan's Tale- which was birthed from Melanie E's Challenges. The spiritual component was certainly drawn from my own world views in a very broad sense, but what I didn't anticipate was how personal the story would grow. Before I started part 2, I re-read Aidan's Prayer, now entitled part 1. I found myself weeping as Aidan began to recall all the memories instilled in him after his change, and I realized I was weeping for the life I never lived and even some of it that I did live.

To say I'm disappointed and sad would be an understatement, yet like Annette mentioned in a way recently, the life I have makes up for 'time lost;' for me in a beautiful wife and a terrific son. What to do next is bide my time and pray that it all comes together in some way shape and form that benefits us all. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care which way. I cry myself to sleep every night hoping that my wife's love will blossom into understanding and enough acceptance to be more than just "Oh, that's nice that you can write," or "that's nice that you can support your friends," which are wonderful in and of themselves. But to appear as more than just a silly cartoon on a website???

I'm experiencing flashbacks and nightmares once again; it's almost as if my brain has noted the progress in therapy and deemed it safe to open the door just a little wider. As Randa just reminded me, I have decades of hurt to let out. And when I see a story that seems to mirror my own experience, I've been able to embrace the emotions set free from what occurs inside me when I read. It's not very comfortable, but when it's over, I'm so much better for the experience. While there are several fine authors here who have lifted my spirits and given me hope, I'd particularly like to thank and recommend that if you haven't read Stephanie's (Cyclist) Ride On, take a look. It's superb drama and even romance, but also a really good look at life; TG or other wise. But it's also a good look at how hard life has hit some of us. If you've experienced hurt of any kind and you can handle the all too familiar pain, I recommend reading it.

Anyway, I'm off to therapy in a few and I'm looking forward to what will arise; better out than in? Thanks for reading!