I took the COGIATI test and passed it (barely) with an F+
For those of you who haven't seen it here is an interesting
gender test that I found on the Internet a while back....
~~hugs, Laika

This test has been formulated by a team of experts employing the most up to date methodology and rock solid empirical guesswork to determine once and for all if the inner you is a red-blooded real man, a natural woman, or what the heck. Take as long as you like. Answers will be posted next week.

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1.))) A CO-WORKER COMES TO YOU UPSET, WANTING TO TALK ABOUT HER LATEST CONFLICT WITH HER MEAN AND UNREASONABLE SUPERVISOR. AS SHE SPEAKS, YOU:

{.A} – Offer various possible solutions to her problem, such as transferring to a different department.
{.B} – Listen, wishing you could do more to help her.
{.C} – Listen, knowing she just needs to get her feelings out.
{.D} – Pretend to listen while you stare creepily at her tits.

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2.))) WHICH OF THESE OPTIONS BEST DESCRIBES YOU? I WOULD RATHER:

{.A} – Cut out paper dolls.
{.B} – Solve complicated mathematical problems.
{.C} – Go shopping for shoes at the mall.
{.D} – Blow up the World.

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3.))) A TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO AT 7:15 AM ON A THURSDAY HEADING WEST AT 40 MILES PER HOUR AND CARRYING 40 PASSENGERS. WITH EACH MILE IT TRAVELS IT INCREASES ITS SPEED BY 12%. WHAT WAS THE LADY IN THE LAST SEAT IN THE THIRD CAR WEARING?

{.A} – What lady? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with the train's acceleration?
{.B} – Too much perfume. She smelled like a dang French hoor-house!
{.C}– If that was a Louis Vuitton, I'm Eva Longoria.
{.D} – Hey wait a minute, I really AM Eva Longoria!

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4.))) WHEN I SEE A MOUSE I:

{.A} – Faint.
{.B} – Capture it and release it outside.
{.C} – Have an excuse to try out my new flame thrower.
{.D} – Attempt to fornicate with it.

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5.))) – IN MY OPINION, DR. PHIL:

{.A} – Is a square shooter who tells it like it is.
{.B} – Seems sincere if somewhat pat and simplistic. Given the kind of show his is, he could be a lot worse.
{.C} – Is a phony, a fraud, a sham, a charlatan, that's right, a dangerous smug charlatan who gets rich exploiting gullible fools with his dunderheaded pop-psych pablum, his shallow pretense of compassion;
A loathesome smirking egomaniacal sick pig of an excuse for a human being-
I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, OH GOD I HATE HIM!!!
{.D} – Is a big ol' Daddy cuddle bunny!

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6.))) MY FAVORITE COLOUR IS:

{.A} – Blue
{.B} – Pink
{.C} – Black
{.D} – C major (I have synesthesia)

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7.))) WHICH QUEEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?

{.A} - Latifah
{.B} - Elizabeth II
{.C} - Queen of the Desert
{.D} - Freddie Mercury

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8.))) WHICH OF THESE LINES IS LONGER?

{.A} – The red one.
{.B} – The blue one.
{.C} – This has gotta be a trick question, so I'll say the bottom one.
{.D} – It doesn't matter. That blue line is every bit as good as the red one
(look at it smirking there like it thinks it's so damn perfect!)

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9.))) I WOULD RATHER READ:

{.A} – Elle
{.B} – Games For Windows
{.C} – Field and Stream
{.D} – Incontinence Supply Catalogs

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10.))) WHEN I WAS NINE YEARS OLD I:

{.A} – Liked to dress up in camoflage fatigues and pretended I was a mercenary.
{.B} – Liked to dress up in my mother's underwear and pretend I was a beautiful lady.
{.C} – Liked to dress up in my father's underwear and pretend I was passed out drunk on the couch.
{.D} – Created quite a scandal when I refused to wear clothes altogether.

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11.))) OF THE FOUR CHOICES BELOW, MY FAVORITE MOVIE IS:

{.A} – Demolition Man
{.B} – Cinderella Man
{.C} – Little Mermaid Man
{.D} – Sissy Boy Slap Party =====> Check it out. Simply the finest movie ever made
about sissy boy slap parties! = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMoMSX_W3N8 )
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ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK'S QUIZ, THE NORTH DAKOTA WELLNESS AND BETTERMENT INSTITUTE'S WHAT-YOUR-FAVORITE-BASKIN-ROBBINS-ICE-CREAM-FLAVOR-SAYS-ABOUT-YOUR-PERSONALITY TEST:

SUGAR FREE NO FLAVOR SORBET: Some would call you an ascetic. You favor long term gain over instant gratification.
VANILLA: While not as austere as the sorbet lover above, you're a traditionalist, and somewhat on the cautious side. But dependable and easy to like.
ROCKY ROAD: You're a realist, expecting no special treatment in life.
FUGU SURPRISE: You're never one to play it safe. A restless soul, you continually seek the new and the strange. The music you listen to gives people a headache.
QUADRUPLE CHOCOLATE APOCALYPSE: When you find a good thing you take it to extremes, which gives you a gusto for life but also a propensity toward every sort of addiction. Romantically you work best with Sagittarius; stay away from Pisces.
MR. CREOSOTE'S MEANING OF LIFE MINT: As contemptible as you are you will get your just deserts.

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