Today I went to see my dad for our annual Christmas get together. He told me when I first started transition, that he loved me no matter what. I just wish he could get it through his head that my name is Jennifer now. He sent me a card for my birthday last month addressed to my old male name. I just pitched it in the garbage can. He did the same thing with the Christmas card he sent me this year too. I did the same thing to that one too. I opened my gift he gave me today and the outside of money card envelop said the same thing. It seems that no matter how many times I or my sister and brother-in-law try to tell him, he still will not respect my wishes and refer to me as my now 5 years legal name. He then began to talk about how he believes my GID was caused by drinking soy formula when I was a baby. I watched as my sister rolled her eyes as he continued into his speil about it. I am thinking that I will have to send him some information on the issue. I seriously doubt he would read it though. He doesn't put much stock in the opinions of Mental Health professionals anyway. I guess I can consider myself lucky that he was never like any of the father's that some on this site endured, because he has never ever been violent toward any of us in the family. He is just sadly misinformed and too stubborn to change I guess? I even made it very clear on the gift tag for his gift and my stepmother's gift. It said From: Jennifer on both of them. I think his Birthday cards and Father's Day cards will both have "From Your Daughter" from now on. I will find one that says it very boldly and I will put my full name of Jennifer Danielle Campbell on the return address heading and inside of the card too. Anyway, such is another Christmas season come and gone in the life of a Transsexual daughter(sigh)))
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Comments
sorry hon.
i hope for a change of heart from him.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
All I Want For Xmas is For You To Say My Name
...would be a good title for something.
That's sad Jen, so frustrating. Realatives just won't get it sometimes.
Nebulous emotional love, even backed up with deeds and clear signs of caring
can feel empty without the occasional meaningful acts of respect behind it.
Validations of who you are. Maybe he can't relate to this, can't even get
that it's a problem because he's never really been made to feel like that...
If he won't read clinical stuff would he read something by you?
A 20 page THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER manual, manifesto, autobiography or some combination of these?
I dunno, just an idea, from just what you said above...
~hugs, Veronica
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
That sucks
My mom knows I transitioned even helped pick my new name then used my old name and uncle to boot with my niece yesterday when I called.Worse she started with she when refering to me then switched to he and uncle.I did tell her that if she comes out to see me I won't put up with her nit picking at me for transitioning or trying to embarass me.I feel your pain and frustration.
Lisa
hope you don't take offense
you are, after all, dealing with an older man, steeped in his own ways, beliefs and truths. To simply demand that he accede to your wishes would be as impossible as you giving in to his, regardless of how many years you have been trying to "educate" him and how any scientific journals you make him read. At this point, I think you can't really expect him to have a change in his point of view, and either he comes around himself or he doesn't. And chances are he won't.
This leaves you with the choice of either despising and losing him forever, or just accept him and the limited participation he will have in your life.
I don't know what your relationship is with you father, and I have no right to have an opinion in the matter. All I can say is that, if my dad never accepted my own change despite all the things I do to try and educate him, I would, in the end, accept it and move on instead of being angry at him for not being able to change and perhaps lose him altogether. After all, I can't change what I am; so what right have I to demand him to change? My dad's my dad.
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All I can say is...
that names _stick_.
I have a friend named Kenneth. He goes by 'Ken', but I've always called him 'Kenny'. I've known him for close to twenty five years now - maybe a bit more. He's gone by 'Ken' for at least the last fifteen, since he first graduated with a BS degree. What do I call him? Especially if I'm not paying attention, I call him 'Kenny'. Does he bitch about it? No. It doesn't change how he thinks of himself, and he's used to answering to the name in the past, and he knows I'm not trying to insult him by using a juvenile form of his name.
Your family grew up with you using one name. (three, probably) You're now using another name - it can take at _least_ the same amount of time to for them to switch to that new name, and someone like a parent, who GAVE you the previous name, may NEVER adjust.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
And such a great name
For his birthday or father's day, (whichever comes first) go to a print shop and get him a t-shirt that says "My daughter Jennifer thinks I'm awesome" or some similar phrase that he will want to show off. Then some time in the summer you show up in a matching t-shirt that says "His daughter Jennifer."
Don't be too upset
He's still talking to you, that's what matters. My son calls me by my name and isn't talking to me very often and I have yet to see my first grandchild who is now 9 months old.
Angharad
Angharad
RAMI Obviously, to him, your
RAMI
Obviously, to him, your name is not Jennifer. To him your name is the one he and your mom gave you when you were born.
He obviously realizes that you are no longer his son, and he has probably changed the way he interacts with you.
Perhaps, he is holding on to what existed before, by using your birth name. It could be that if he can not cling to that one thing, then the next step would be to think that his son, his child is dead, and then might act as if you are.
Better you have him in your life, then force the issue, unless he uses your old name to embarrass you. Under such circumstance you can remind him of the time and place, and that others who might hear the reference do not know who you are.
Rami
RAMI