So, it was suggested to me that I do some kind of ritual for letting go of the old (male) me and embracing the new (female) me because I said I'd not done that, I'd just kind of moved on. I thought about it and decided it might be a good thing to do. So, on Monday I came up with something and went out and did it.

Before I left home to perform my rituals, I made some preparations. I removed one of the rings I wore on my right ring finger. This ring was a symbol of promises I’d made to myself, but those promises were made before I transitioned and were tied to him… or maybe those promises were made to him.

I wrote out a note that said:

To The Finder,

Be well!

I folded up the ring inside the note and put it in an envelope and on the front of the envelope I wrote:

For the one who needs it

Next, I looked for something that was "his", something to use in the ritual of laying him to rest. What I came up with was a set of keys to my first car. I actually had two sets. I’d kept them as a memento of a major milestone in my life (that car was my high school graduation present, too). I grabbed one set of those keys and set off for my rituals.

I walked out to the cliffs near the Lincoln Park Golf Course overlooking the Golden Gate (the water way between the Pacific Ocean and San Francisco Bay for those who don't know). I stuck the keys in the ground for a moment while I contemplated. I thought about what "he" left behind in the world, what kinds of effects "his" presence might have had. I said ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’ and I told myself it’s time for "him" to go in peace. I picked up the keys and threw them over the cliff into the Golden Gate, one at a time — and gee, that felt good!

With that done, I walked over to Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park. I went out to the Chinese Pavilion there, waited until nobody was around, placed the envelope containing the note and the ring in the middle of the table and walked away after saying a prayer that it would do someone else some good.

From there, I headed up to the top of the waterfall right near the pavilion and stood on the wooden bridge overlooking the waterfall. Standing there, I knew it was the right place for what was next. I made new promises to myself, this time from Lisa to Lisa, and placed a new ring on my finger. After I did that, I stood there for a few minutes, letting the past flow away down the waterfall and the now flow into me. Right after I started a moment of silence, a couple of humming birds landed in a tree nearby for a few seconds and took off!

To finish my rituals, I decided I needed something like a benediction, so I went to the very top of Strawberry Hill and looked around at the views. I looked down and noticed a butterfly and I thought, “Wow, it’s almost like I’m attracting things to me!” As soon as that thought went through my head, a second butterfly swooped down toward the first and they flew off together.

When I got back to the boathouse for a lemonade, there were two Canadian geese standing on one part of the dock along with a lone seagull. I even noticed a bride and groom using a paddle boat, so the power of two was really in the air!

I do believe that I received a Blessing from the universe!

That was on Monday and I have been feeling weirdly peaceful ever since. I think I was still holding onto "him" for some reason. I think I've been still partly hiding out at home the way "he" did when "he" was too afraid to let the world see the real self within. But it's time to change all of that.

Anyway, I highly recommend a ritual like this. It was wonderful and so cleansing!

Be well!
Lisa