Sometimes Wrong Numbers Are Fun!

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Edeyn Danielle J posted about a wrong number, and I immediately went to my blog and found this gem... it was too long to post as a comment, but just about right for a blog of my own.
KEY
My words in a calming, intelligent blue.
The caller will be the opposite end of the color spectrum.
Commentary along the way will be in bold, and the text will be black
Now, this took place on 26 February, 2003. At least, according to the timestamp on the original entry... This was originally recorded by our answering machine, as well, as I didn't get to the phone before it picked up for me, but stopped the message from playing. A bit of the backstory is that for all of the 3 months my roommates and I had lived in this apartment and had this phone number, we'd consistently gotten calls asking for all of the people listed at the beginning of the call here. Never again after this call...

*Phone Rings*
Lo! You have pie?
Is Jeff *somethingorother* there?
You have a wrong number.
What about Christine?
Wrong number.
What about Audry?
Wrong number.
What about Randy?
Wrong number.
I'm thinking at this point, "Persistent little Moron, innit?"
Yeah, right, you lying bitch! Put Jeff on the phone.
Well, THAT was uncalled for...
Dude. You have a wrong number.
Look, Cunt, just put Jeff on the damn phone!
EXCUSE me? What did this Moronic Fool just call me? I've decided now that he is sportworthy!
Well, really, I can't... he... he's not Jeff anymore.
Pause for dramatic effect --
He's Jennifer now... do you want to talk to her?
No shit?!? Whoa... um, yeah... I guess, put him -- uh, her -- on...
The confusion here was classic, and I make no attempt to change the sound of my voice.
Hello?
Jeff?
It's Jennifer now... I didn't tell you because, well, I did this just for you... I've loved you since 5th Grade!
What? But, we've only known each other since 7th Grade!
His panic is setting in...
Yeah, I know... I stalked you for 2 years before I was brave enough to talk to you...
This is some fucked up shit... you have GOT to be lying to me, man!
Of all the steps of acceptance, this would be denial...
Are you denying your love for me? That what we have isn't real?
Look, this is too messed up... I'll call you back when I have time to get my head straight
Okay, my dearest love... I'll be waiting by the phone for you to come back to me.
I'd like to thank the Academy...
*click*
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? No, wait, that was God... Sorry, common mistake to make...

Comments

I feel sorry for...

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I feel sorry for Jeff... (But his taste in friends may leave something to be desired...)

I dunno, I think

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Edeyn Anyone who moves and doesn't tell their "friends" the new phone number is either
A) Trying to ditch said friends in the first place
B) A really neglectful and discourteous friend
C) Has "friends" that aren't exactly the brightest and needs to have an incident like the above to drive home the information
Or it could even be all of the above. No, I don't feel sorry for former tenant Jeff in the least -- nor do I feel for any of the three other mentioned personages, for largely the same reasons.
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? No, wait, that was God... Sorry, common mistake to make...

LOL!

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falls down stairs laughing, giggle, giggle, snerk. I want to know what you'd do to telemarketers.

Bailey Summers

I'm not nearly so nice

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Edeyn to telemarketers... I avoid letting them get to the point and pretty much filibuster them. Telemarketers aren't allowed to hang up on you unless you say some of the magic words.
  • Take me off your list
  • ANY curse word
  • Any kind of confirmation or negation of their purpose
If you don't do any of that... they have to sit and listen to you. I can babble for hours. Ask Erin or Sephrena or Rasufelle or Zoe Taylor or... well, you get the idea. See, the idea is that as long as I'm holding her or him there, that's one less telejerk that's bothering anyone else. I like to think of it as my contribution to communications quality.
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? No, wait, that was God... Sorry, common mistake to make...

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