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Normally I don't do this, but I felt so moved that I just had to pass this along. I don't know how familiar you all are with the hit Disney movie, "Mulan", but it's been one of my favorites ever since it first released.
It's based on the legend of Hua Mulan, and tells the story of a girl who cross-dresses as a man to join the Imperial Chinese army to keep her father safe. Prior to this incident in the animation adaptation, she has a disastrous run-in with "The Matchmaker".
For the last three days, I've woken up every morning with the song "Reflections", which followed that scene, stuck in my head.
I sat down this morning to really listen to the lyrics, and I almost cried. These lyrics are so deeply symbolic of my own struggle, and of how I've felt for such a long time, but have only begun to find the courage to admit recently, thanks to all of you.
So I just wanted to share this, for those that aren't familiar, or haven't seen the movie.
There are two different versions of the song which I've included here. The first one is the original movie version, while the second, which is equally moving for me, is the version recorded by Christina Aguilera.
All credit where it is due, to the songwriters, animators, and performers respectively.
Peace and kind wishes,
~ Zoe T.
***
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A_Rl8aQxII
Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly
To be myself
I would break my fam'ly's heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside
***
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnXTH88AHqM
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Chorus:
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Comments
Check out Danny Chapter 1
Check out Chapter 1 oft Roberta Cabot's story "Danny." She featured Cristina Aguillera's version of the song, not the one sung by Leah Salonga.
Pretty cool.
June
Apparaently it's
Lea, not Leah...
And, for those interested, she's involved in a project with George Takei - "Allegiance: The Musical" Composer - Jay Kuo.
Kind of made me giggle.
Kind of made me giggle. It's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one that's made that connection. I'll definitely look up that story this weekend, if not sooner. (I'm all kinds of curious about the name).
Thanks June!
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I know I'm a little late
I know I'm a little late, but I just had to comment. I remember sitting in my living room watching that movie for the first time, and just wishing I could tell my parents that that's exactly how I felt. Now here I am 12 years later finally seeing a therapist. I haven't talked to my mother in months, and I'm terrified of how my father will react when he finds out about my transition. Listening to this song again and readimg your blog and stories has given me so much to think about. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Cassie
For what it's worth,
For what it's worth, quite possibly the most beautiful girl (in body and spirit) it was ever my pleasure to know was a Cassandra - we called her Cassie for short :-)
Disney really, really moves me. "Part of Your World" is another one that brings me to tears when I hear it, especially after Drea DiMaggio did an absolutely darling parody of the song Here
For what it's worth, I hope my endless and sometimes insane rants and ramblings help a little. I went back into the closet a little bit in the time since I wrote this, but that kind of came to an abrupt crash today, and in a weird way, I feel relief.
My dad doesn't know yet, but I can't help feeling that before everything's hashed out, he might.
Whatever you do, stick with your therapist if s/he's a good one. I'm still searching. You're definitely in the right place though. No community, internet or otherwise, can exist without any problems, but this still remains the most supportive and friendly group of people it's been my pleasure to ever be part of :-)
/hugs
Best of luck to you,
~Zoe
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