Hi everyone! I have a question and am looking for advice. At this point in the story, most of what I presented in the 'Bikipedia' exposition has already been covered in the story. I always knew that big whopping piece of information was clumsy but I felt the need to lay down the background so I could get into the meat of the tale.
However no one really complained or made mention of it, so I thought okay maybe it's okay after all. Well someone did make mention of it and now I'm asking does it need changing to improve the story? For that matter is the exposition really necessary? It was suggested that some of the information could be conveyed by Billie as he is explaining to the other kids who and what the Rocketeers were. Simply expand that scene out some.
As the writer I have a hard time judging things sometimes. Darn trees are getting in way of seeing the forest!
Hugs!
Grover
Comments
Bikipedia?
Sorry grover - I never heard of it. In my opinion just write the story the way you like. I'm a fan. Part 7 was great BTW. I liked how you killed off three of the new kids. Bringing two of the Rocketeers back to life to take their places was a little strange though.
with love,
Hope
with love,
Hope
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
What Part was that?
I think I missed that part? LOL But, no, the Bikipedia was the big explanation near the beginning about the Rocketeers and Project Meridian in Part 1.
Hugs!
Grover
Well I think it was a nice one.
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but geek-outs are really not very high on pay-attention-to lists. So if Billie was trying to make himself a Mister Exposition he would not have met much support - the only surviving Rocketeer would get in a dark mood because it would bring back some bitter memories, Josh would ignore it simply because he could, Lizzie - because she is a little girl...
But If you think it needs some more liveliness then perhaps you could make some minor changes. Just add a few bits, Like a yet another slim figure in the darkness editing a Bikipedia article, and an off-hand mention during Billie's background layout/takeaway scene about a late night due to being busy. With the later scene making him a well-informed about the Rocketeers it would be a little hint to drop on the future readers.
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
I don't know how you could have missed it?
Hey Grover ,
It's YOUR story after all. That part was right before Blazzer and the nuke (Sitting under area 61) blew up at exactly the same time cancelling each other out and leaving everyone just fine, except Dr McClengele, who turned into a pot of turnip soup. Remember it now?
with love,
Hope
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
Hyper-intelegent turnip soup with crutons
Sorry, I was just watching A Man Called Smart, the Get Smart movie done as a three part show instead and somehow I can't think..... Wait a moment, my shoe is ringing.
The info dump could be broken up into smaller chunks and only brought up as needed in the story. A paragraph or two at a time is not too big a bite.
I like the idea of one of the new kids, Billie is okay, reading a Bikipedia on The Rocketeers only somehow he/she gets a hold of a top-secret version with alot more details that were never public, perhaps fed to Billie's computer by the AI or our alien friend.
ONE biggie to cover yet, Vroom went deep undercover to get justice for his dead friends but so far has failed. What will he/she do now other than help the new kids and eiher save or put out of his misery his brother? Hum, is that energy bio energy? If so maybe the Rocketeers could be reborn using that energy to transform some of the villains into copies of the kids though the minds and spirits would be a problem or did his/her brother absorb them as he turned into that energy thing?
What of the Russian mutants she lived with? What of Major Victory and other of you previous heros in this universe? And can the mutant doctor be made to see what she is doing is wrong? Will the research doctor realize he's been a dickhead in time to help the kids? Is the general totally by the book or does he have some decency?
Or have I gone totally ga-ga?
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Do you really want
To hear an answer to your last question? ^_^
:P
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!