In an attempt to be wry and ironic, I wrote my poem, You're Okay, I'm Not So Sure About Me. I was not feeling bad about myself, at least not for the things said in verse. What I was trying to say in a roundabout way, I will now attempt to say directly. In the past few months, I have read comments that have been left for other authors' works as well as my own. In some of these comments, broad statements have been made about categories and groups to which I belong or feel an affinity to. It's one thing to say one has no belief in any deity, but another thing entirely to say that all those who believe are deluded. It's understandable and acceptable to say, "I don't like men because of what happened to me." It's a completely different thing to say all men need to atone. It's one thing to say "I feel authentically trangender because I have made the choice to transition via surgery. It's another thing completely to say that one who hasn't chosen that route is somehow inauthentic.
I'm not asking for censorship here, but sensitivity. A few folks picked up on the sponsor to my little poem, Broad Brush Painting Company. It becomes tired and hurtful when folks feel compelled to criticize or condemn entire groups of people base on their own feelings or experiences. Not all people of faith are bigots or homophobes. Not all men are insensitive or overbearing.
A statement condemning all men as being whatever negative aspect you might choose is unfair to many authors and readers here. To say that my experience in my journey of discovery about my feminine side is less authentic than someone else's merely because of my gender is unfair as well, and does a disservice to many in this community as well. Opinions vary, as they always will from person to person. That is fair and acceptable, since even with our commonalities, we're all different. To state one's opinion as fact or to speak against an entire group of people can not just be unfair, but untrue as well. With six billion plus people on this planet, a statement that includes the words all men uses that broad brush to paint three billion plus people. To say that all believers are deluded insults nearly the whole population of the earth, and that is unfair.
To bring it to a personal level, I'm not the only man here; I'm not the only person here who believes in God; I'm not the only crossdresser here, and as I alluded to in commentary the other day, I'm not the only former social worker here as well.
One is always entitled to their opinion, but in an inclusive community such as ours especially, no one should consider putting down the beliefs of others. Please keep that in mind when you comment. We should be all about building each other up and edifying them, valuing their uniqueness and individuality. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I won't state that as fact. It's just my opinion. Thanks
Comments
Generalisations
The problem with generalisations is that they are always wrong. I agree with Andrea in that everyone is different and everyone is special. You shouldn't use sweeping statements to make your points. Sweeping statements hurt innocent people.
Try and make any critisim constructive. Destructive critism often leads to the author giving up.
Love
Samantha
And the Beat Goes On
It is unfortunate that Andrea had to say these things. It is unfortunate that the attitudes of some within the TG community has not and, it seems, never will change. Much of what Andrea is saying is no different than what I heard when I started out on my journey over twenty years ago. Such attitudes, and the viciousness with which some of our own turned on each other, including me, is one of the reasons I left the TG community in 1993. When I returned in 2004 in an effort to renew some old friendships, I was appalled to find things have not changed. While many will say they have, you can not prove it based on what Andrea has had to endure.
This is why I am selective about who I now chose as friends. It is also why I don't give a rat's hindquarters about what I say when I write and the causes I work for.
There will always be zealots of all colors and hues, left and right, straight and gay, non-TG and radical TG who strive to impose their personal views upon the rest of us poor, ignorant sods. I say, "Have at it! Knock yourself out". Just don't come knocking at my door trying to peddle your wares. I know who I am and what I believe in. I hope Andrea is able to find a way of putting such people behind her and press on with her life as she sees fit. It is her right, one I have fought to defend.
Andrea, may your God go with you.
To all of you out there, until next time, do stay safe and sane.
Nancy Cole
"You may be what you resolve to be."
T.J. Jackson
We shouldn't need to be reminded
Andrea does us a great service. One of the greatest of human failings is passing judgement on others. It is bad enough when such judgements are silent and internal. When they become public and vociferous they are unforgivable. When they descend to generalities they are both mean spirited and ignorant.
I have fallen far short of my grandmother's axiom 'If you can find nothing good to say about someone, then keep quiet', but I do honestly try. If only because I remember another of her sayings concerning stones and glasshouses.
So the tenor of your blog is not just your opinion Andrea but something to which we should all subscribe. Something to which I am sure we all genuinely do subscribe. It is just that sometimes we get carried away and perhaps forget ourselves.
Again, thanks for the reminder.
Hugs,
Damn, I Wish I Could Say It That Way
I was thinking of a word. I think 'erudite' describes you very well.
:) Portia
Portia
Well said..
And nicely put. We are all part ofthe rich tapestry of life.
Jayne
That which does not kill me only serves to delay the inevitable. My blog => http://jaym.angelblogs.co.uk/
That which does not kill me only serves to delay the inevitable. My blog => http://jaynemorose.wordpress.com/ <= note new address
Ditto
What Andrea said. I guess that makes me a dittohead. ;-)
KJT
"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way." College Girl - poetheather
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Wow
I've felt for a very long time there is a bit of an anti-male bias on BC. Being male, maybe I'm more sensitive to it. I mentioned this to someone recently, and they said there are some who felt there was a slight anti-crossdresser bias here. Took me some thinking before I realized that that would be the same bias. Crossdressers are men, so if there is a bias towards that, than I'd feel it as well. If there is a bias against men, then, obviously, they'd feel it too.
This bias shows up in story comments, not the stories themselves. A story can be whatever it wants to be..for instance, I love most Vickie Tern stories, those stories are not pro-male in the least. For that matter they often don't portray women in the best light either.
I wish as was as eloquent as Drea, but I am what I am.
Hugs
AGREEMENT !
ALISON
I am so sad that Andrea had to post this blog but I agree
with everything that she has written.The circumstances
for all of us are different and no more so than for my
generation born in the mid or early thirties.SRS was not
thought of until Gearge Jorgenson in 1953 and any sign
that you gave of being gay or trans in any way would lose
you your family and your job.Being gay was a criminal
offence in Australia until the late 60's and if you were
caught dressing in a frock you were deemed to be gay!
In 1948 at age 15,my sister used to dress me as her
little sister as I was 5ft.3ins tall and weighed less than 110lbs.An interfering Aunt talked the local doctor into
giving me 'vitamins'as I was 'too'small.The 'vitamins'
turned out to be testosterone and animal steroids.I have
since talked with endocronologists who can't work out why it didn't kill me as I got six large doses IV over a six week period.Then he drugged me and raped me but thanks to the intervention of my elder brother the doctor was put out of business overnight.In 12 months I was 6ft.2ins. and 270 lbs.and
as aggro as all hell.It didn't destroy my femme feelings though,
which I retain to this day and I thank Andrea and Kelly Blake
particularly for their love and support in my declining years.
The greatest joy in my life are my four little grand daughters
and my daughter in law who tells me "that I have a greater rapport with her four daughters than the two grandmothers have and that I should not lose my feminine side".
So,just think about every one else on site and remember that
we are not all the same and our lives have all been different.
Sorry for waffling on,put it down to old age!
ALISON
Just be sensible
On the other hand, trying to overly PC about an opinion does not do any one any good either and then we have to start qualifying incessantly in order to cover all the bases a statement one makes, much like the exceptions on a discount coupon from, say, Macy's. Yes, there are extremists out there. And of course no one group will always be ALL this or ALL that. That is of course, impossible.
HOWEVER, then there is the misinterpretation of a person who says something is MOSTLY true and that is why something is. As a broad example, the common Joe would say. Men are masculine and woman are feminine. We all know that is not true for ALL men and women or males and females. However, it is still pervasively true that that is the case and is for the basis for defining classes of gender expression. Being feminine is 'normally' attributed to being female.
I think a qualification of a statement using something like 'in general' as a qualifier for most things is sufficient. I mean really, how many things can be true, always ? One can say the sun rises in the East - need one qualify the statement: until it bloats up and become a Red Giant in a billion years or so and swallows the earth ?
Also, a little discernment before overreacting is called for too. Sometimes people will use an overgeneralization as a means of hyperbole. One person's 'all' may just be that same person's 'mostly'.
Just be sensible.
Kim
People vs. concepts and ideas....
While I can appreciate the need to feel free to say what is on one's mind without feeling overly constrained, my whole point is that the commentary I was talking about wasn't about ideas or concepts, but was making broad statements about people, and not just in general, but specifically making insensitive and unfair remarks by using the qualifiers most and all. For example, citing your "all" vs. "mostly." Not a bad idea, until you look at the statements, "All people who believe in a higher power are deluded," as opposed to "Most people who believe in a higher power are deluded." Completely different in meaning, but exactly the same in tone; condemning an entire belief system, held by "most" people.
Your statement about the sun and its potential to cease to "rise in the east" as its Red Giant Form engulfs the earth. True, but what does that have to do with a statement that says "Christians are intolerant?" There are loving, caring members of the community here that identify with Christianity. The very fact that they write or comment and are supportive and encouraging members of this community would seem to belie that statement, which is not nuanced.
No one is being asked to change their opinion; only to consider carefully the way that opinion is expressed. Someone who has been hurt by a specific group, be it men, crossdressers, Christians, or even social workers, has a perfect right to be upset and even biased against those groups. What they don't possess is a right to condemn every crossdresser, every Christian, etc.
My last statement summed up what I wanted to say, and I believe that more than a few folks here might agree with me on this.
One is always entitled to their opinion, but in an inclusive community such as ours especially, no one should consider putting down the beliefs of others. Please keep that in mind when you comment. I fail to see how that statement could be construed as misinterpreting someone, requiring anyone to be politically correct, or being over-reactive.
I suppose it comes down to this. I hold some beliefs about life, my world view and my self, and my blog was a commentary on feeling somehow excluded by the comments I've read. Imagine anything you hold dear regarding your own beliefs about life, your world view, and your self. Then imagine a comment that ridicules, condemns, or excludes those beliefs. Not a very comfortable feeling. At the risk of contradicting myself, I'd hazard a guess and say that "most" people would not like that at all.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
Who I am is me
In my Real Life I've been accepting of all no matter what they are about or how they present themselves.
I am retired military and am not a bigot. I do have my own opinions about things, but I don't lambast others for not meeting my own personal goals or values.
We all learned Values as we grew up and we accepted certain values as our own personality.
I know what I believe and I don't shove it down other peoples throats. I try my best to live my life in the way an example was set for me. I do live by example. I also believe my own fidelity is important and to model that which I feel strong about.
We are not here to belittle others. I must be oblivious to the man hatred. It surprised me to read that is is taking place here. Odd, we in the eyes of doctors, others who see us have seen a male. I was raped at age thirty two by a male. I don't hate men, but I am very hypervigiliant around them.
When I transitioned I found it very easy to let go of those male traits. I don't bash anyone and I certainly am not going to flame anyone for their point of view. However; it does make me uncomfortable when i see someone telling me that a book was written for goat herders and sheep herders thousand of years ago.
I've been through the fire with Zealots and bigots. I suffered the slings and arrows of discrimination. I've been beatee by a step fatehr who precluded the beatings with "This will make aman out of you"
My last story had a young boy beleiving what a Pastor said. My own family (Parents,Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles) were heavily opinioned when it came to Christine Jorgensen. I made a connection with her and soon asked how old would I be when I became a girl.
I was the kid other boys beat up to prove their manhood. I learned to turn the other cheek.
At age 18 I volunteered to to go war to die. That was my plan not God's. Its because of all the fires and valleys I've been through that make my belief in a God and his son Jesus as my savior very strong.
I don't get critical when I read a story. I try to find the good in the story and the person who wrote it.
We have a commonality, instead of flaming or infighting we need to remember we are brothers and sisters together where transgender,transsexualism and cross dressing prevail.
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.