You're so fat that you broke your own toilet while going to pee.

That's what happened to me. I woke up, went to sit down on the toilet. Adjust myself back a little bit because nothing was situated correctly and I would've made a mess on myself and I hear CRACK. Never a good thing to hear crack when you are naked on the toilet bowl. The entire tank cracked clear through at the base. Water poured out everywhere. Luckily I knew where the shutoff valve was and only had a minor flood.

So, now I have no toilet for a little while. The only bonus is that I got smart and have plumbing insurance. I got a plumber who will be here in an hour and will be out 30 bucks one way or another. But, honestly, why do these things keep happening? Oh, right, I'm fat as a horse (or a small pony). I think this is a sign that I need to go on a diet. Maybe I'm the reason my house is falling (look for that plea for help in a few days when I ask for help to pay for repairs).